Husband on Androgel, worried about the rest of the family

[hardasnails1973]

I will have to digest the rehearsing anger thing. It is a new concept for me and is probably valid. He was raised by an very ethnic/loud/non-love-expressing family. I am not trying to perpetuate myths about his Mediterranean heritage but boy, his family truly is loud, emotionally cold and angry. Perhaps this rehearsing thing has roots in his childhood. He is overdue for his tests and we will see. He had his first day off yesterday for the summer (he has a retirement job and works a seasonal job...will go back in Sept.) It was bad. He has too much time on his hands and there is a pattern every year for the last three years since he retired at 44. When he is not working, he watches the neighbors, goes from room to room to peak at them, complains about them all day long. They are not winners by any means and are very problematic, but this hypervigilance (probably from 20 years in corrections) and probable PTSD from that experience amplifies when he does not work. His psychiatrist and our therapist both know he is doing this stuff, plus the installation of the three night vision zoom 24-hour cameras focused on their houses, but my husband has managed to convince the two doctors that all of this is justified because our neighbors are jerks. Meanwhile, I have to live with him doing this stuff and try to keep sane when all he talks about all day is "Did you see what X did now? He is mowing his lawn again...he is trying to incite me." WHAT? "Oh, get the license plate number of the car in our next door neighbor's backyard in case he ever causes problems>" "Call the police and tell them that Y walked back and forth in front of our house in the street when he went to go to talk to our other neighbor.' ARE YOU SERIOUS? He walked by one time and he is 70+ years old! ARGH. Sorry for my complaining. In the end I think it is a combination of the way he was raised + PTSD from corrections/military + maternal history of mental illness (aunt with schizo and mom self-medicated with alcohol for depression, died last year) + his own whatever disorder. I am convinced that there is a solution out there and he very well be bipolar but for him to change his antidepressant, recognize, take ownership or show some self-realization of his own behavior and actually be open and honest and talk with our therapist and his pdoc, but I do not see that happening. Thanks for all of your help. The Androgel is probably nothing but something in the background. It is just sad to see someone you love change so much and push the people that love him to consider leaving. My 19 year old son is old enough for him to say he remembers a different father and that he feel sorry for him because of his uncontrollable compulsion to watch his tapes of the neighbors and run from window to window. My 11 year old son is not lucky enough to have experienced my husband/his dad as he "used to be." Thanks again.

If you are staying together for the sake of the children..Your thinking is severely flawed. When they do not see you happy they will not be happy and it will only add fuel to the fire. If you are trying to justify your husbands behavior then you are only enabling him even more. So many women I have encountered have this distorted map of reality "oh he is going to change", but they are still being beating, verbally abused, brain fucked and still they are with him. After time you can only take so much then you are the one that is going to be sick. Then you be asking yourself "Why am I feeling this way..." The dr's going to look at you like have 2 heads. This verbal abuse is being witness by your children I am sure and it could have a huge impact on their development. These are somethings you need to really seriously consider. "But I love him," statement hear all the time. Some times you just want to reach across the table and smack the person because of how blind they really are. If the man upstairs is not giving you a strong message, then his next step is going to drop a load of bricks on your head to make you wise up. Time apart would do you both good at this time to get his shit situated and for you to put your family at harms way. It only takes one thing to set these people off and you will be a permeant fixture with your face in the wall. Then you will be wondering "WHY ME........" and becoming just another statistic.

 

[BBC3]

This was also my first initial impression. So I would not be supprised for her to circle back around and supprise you all.

She is, however, ruling out steroid use in CRAZY FAMILIES....[)]

SHE, is equally the problem in many ways. She is EQUALLY the problem in that SHE IS ALWAYS ACCEPTING THE DANCE. I have lived this, but on a lower level. WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DO is focus her emphasis on what the situation is doing to the children, and how THEY are learning this behavior. Girls will seek the same men, boys will act the same. The cicle continues. She needs to tell him her daughter will seek a man to do the same to her, etc.. Odds are their parents are THE SAME. In some way.

Finally, she needs to make him understand its not ok. I would suggest moving out of the house for a few days at first, and extending longer as it continues. ALWAYS advise him she is not going anywhere, but getting away temporarily as long as he acts like that. He will get it at a certain level of distance. And do not come back before the SET TIME.

QUIT PLAYING YOUR ROLE IN THIS.....

Finally, and while all these drugs are not easy to be on, or get off. I suspect alcohol is involved. THIS IS THE DEVIL OF SOCIETY. PERIOD..

Well that's gonna backfire 'cause the more we discuss it the more we dispel it.

 

[CubbieBlue]

Finally, and while all these drugs are not easy to be on, or get off. I suspect alcohol is involved. THIS IS THE DEVIL OF SOCIETY. PERIOD..

Says the guy with more amphetamine salts and alcohol in his bloodstream than ...I got nothin.

[)]

 

[hardasnails1973]

The cycle needs to be broken
1. separate for the sake of the child
2. separate for your own sanity
3. Goto counseling together as well as separate wasting more money and time
4. Fess up and accept the reason he is like this is because you never set your limits.
5. Kick his ass to the curb
6. Wake up and take your blinders off before you end up in the ditch..

or

continue to get verbal, emotional and psychological abused while your child is witnessing this event.

My crystal ball is saying that you will be finding your self some time in very near future on women hormone forums trying to blame it on hormones and singing the blues like all the rest of them which "did not get out when they should have" . Now they want sympathy for their own stupidity.

 

[virtuosa150]

The guy needs a shrink. What says Head doc on this?

 

[hardasnails1973]

The guy needs a shrink. What says Head doc on this?

She needs one just as bad ....

 

[virtuosa150]

She needs one just as bad ....

Couples counseling by a psychiatrist. Is that common, or would this be a first?

They both could get the meds that they both need. The right meds from the right doctor.

 

[BBC3]

A psychiatrist MAY be overkill. Not only but today, and in less you are paying top dollar out of pocket, you will not find one to fit the need. They mostly do a bullshit eval while prescribing the drugs recommended by the CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST, which is what they need. And a good one.

The term COUNSELOR as a profession - worthless little bastard working for nothing and knows nothing.

As an observation and appearing pretty standard these days, PSYCHIATRISTS are not sitting in chairs whilst one lies on their couch whining about the weather. This is a figment of movies and a service only to those with tons of $jack$ who can afford to pay an MD level babysitter.

Couples counseling by a psychiatrist. Is that common, or would this be a first?

They both could get the meds that they both need. The right meds from the right doctor.

 

[BBC3]

Well, it does take one to know one. At least to some degree.

And besides - life is short. I like to enjoy the LITTLE THINGS...

Says the guy with more amphetamine salts and alcohol in his bloodstream than ...I got nothin.

[)]

 

[hardasnails1973]

Couples counseling by a psychiatrist. Is that common, or would this be a first?

They both could get the meds that they both need. The right meds from the right doctor.

In proper counseling one handles separate and together. You always need to hear boy sides of the story. I have friends that are psychologist and have been able to sit in on some of their sessions with permission from their patients. It can get very interesting. The course of action depends on the situation and how the psychologist feels comfortable handling it.

Or save money and time wasted effort and just separate till they get their own issues under control LOL

One can just dope them up making them emotional zombies would solve the problem as well. A little numbing might be just what the dr ordered HAHAHA

 

[virtuosa150]

In proper counseling one handles separate and together. You always need to hear boy sides of the story. I have friends that are psychologist and have been able to sit in on some of their sessions with permission from their patients. It can get very interesting. The course of action depends on the situation and how the psychologist feels comfortable handling it.

Or save money and time wasted effort and just separate till they get their own issues under control LOL

One can just dope them up making them emotional zombies would solve the problem as well. A little numbing might be just what the dr ordered HAHAHA

Since we're talking psychiatry, is this a freudian slip?[)]

 

[hardasnails1973]

Since we're talking psychiatry, is this a freudian slip?[)]

Hey give me a little credit notice you notice the reduction in spelling errors. LOL
I got a program that corrects spelling error by highlighting words. I hope I do not burn it out is all
At least I am taking the first steps to dealing with my issue ....unlike other people which are just in denial.

 

[virtuosa150]

Hey give me a little credit notice you notice the reduction in spelling errors. LOL
I got a program that corrects spelling error by highlighting words. I hope I do not burn it out is all
At least I am taking the first steps to dealing with my issue ....unlike other people which are just in denial.

Do you like gladiator movies? Have you ever seen a grown man naked? Have you ever been in a turkish prison camp?

 

[hardasnails1973]

Do you like gladiator movies? Have you ever seen a grown man naked? Have you ever been in a turkish prison camp?

Yes, Enjoy movies with strong alpha male role, (but not like that LOL)
Yes, I stare at one every morning in the mirror when my girl is not hogging the mirror
Yes, One can go any where when you are in cyber space..

Did i pass?

 

[GirlyMan]

Goddam. To paraphrase cvictorg, some of you assholes have all the empathy of a fucking rock. Jesus Fucking Christ.

I have suspected bipolar (very well acquainted with the disorder as a close family member had it...deceased now) and suspect PTSD from his years in corrections and being a vet. I was just wondering about him skipping dosages of Andro for a few days because I definitely notice a tie between his application and his mood within the next few hours. Also is there any tie between Androgel and suspected bipolar symptoms (overenergized/slightly manic)? Does anyone know?

Dunno nothing about PTSD other than the VA seems to be using one of my favorite sleep aids Seroquel to treat it. (It is readily available from overseas pharmacies and is not, at least as of yet, classified as a controlled substance in my jurisdiction.)

But I do know a thing or two about manic depression (dunno when or why they changed the term to "bipolar disorder", feels like a euphemism to me). Was diagnosed in my late teens and prescribed lithium. Took it for about 5 years. I found it to be an effective attenuator or dampening agent. The mania wasn't as manic, the depression wasn't as deep. Of my own accord, I just stopped taking it in my mid-20's. Had a solid decade before the depression (but not the mania) returned in my mid-30's. Spent the next decade or so on Wellbutrin. Didn't really completely alleviate the depression but at least kept me from offing my sorry ass. Started Androgel some 3+ years ago now when my total T hit 214 ng/dl. A few months into it my depression was completely alleviated and I stopped taking Wellbutrin.

This has obviously not been your husband's response to TRT.

When he is not working, he watches the neighbors, goes from room to room to peak at them, complains about them all day long. They are not winners by any means and are very problematic, but this hypervigilance (probably from 20 years in corrections) and probable PTSD from that experience amplifies when he does not work. His psychiatrist and our therapist both know he is doing this stuff, plus the installation of the three night vision zoom 24-hour cameras focused on their houses, but my husband has managed to convince the two doctors that all of this is justified because our neighbors are jerks.

If you're in a warzone (correctional institute probably qualifies) hypervigilance might just save your ass. If you're not it's called OCD.

My 19 year old son is old enough for him to say he remembers a different father and that he feel sorry for him because of his uncontrollable compulsion to watch his tapes of the neighbors and run from window to window.

If your 19 yo is no longer living at home, you might want to consider asking him to move back home for a while. Besides the obvious personal protection aspects, he very well might have the best shot at helping your husband. When my depression got too bad, talks with my then 18-22 yo (now 25 yo) son were more effective than anything else. Maybe they could go paintballing or AirSoft together. He gets to shoot people without hurting anyone.

Good luck and be safe apappala.

 

[GirlyMan]

If you're not it's called OCD.

Or paranoia.

P.S. Why is there a time limit on editing posts? I woulda just edited the last one instead of making this one.

 

[BBC3]

Not only taking the Lord's name in vain, but PUBLISHING it. Thats going to be a difficult one to explain at the Pearly Gates..... Carefull now...

Goddam. To paraphrase cvictorg, some of you assholes have all the empathy of a fucking rock. Jesus Fucking Christ.



Dunno nothing about PTSD other than the VA seems to be using one of my favorite sleep aids Seroquel to treat it. (It is readily available from overseas pharmacies and is not, at least as of yet, classified as a controlled substance in my jurisdiction.)

But I do know a thing or two about manic depression (dunno when or why they changed the term to "bipolar disorder", feels like a euphemism to me). Was diagnosed in my late teens and prescribed lithium. Took it for about 5 years. I found it to be an effective attenuator or dampening agent. The mania wasn't as manic, the depression wasn't as deep. Of my own accord, I just stopped taking it in my mid-20's. Had a solid decade before the depression (but not the mania) returned in my mid-30's. Spent the next decade or so on Wellbutrin. Didn't really completely alleviate the depression but at least kept me from offing my sorry ass. Started Androgel some 3+ years ago now when my total T hit 214 ng/dl. A few months into it my depression was completely alleviated and I stopped taking Wellbutrin.

This has obviously not been your husband's response to TRT.



If you're in a warzone (correctional institute probably qualifies) hypervigilance might just save your ass. If you're not it's called OCD.



If your 19 yo is no longer living at home, you might want to consider asking him to move back home for a while. Besides the obvious personal protection aspects, he very well might have the best shot at helping your husband. When my depression got too bad, talks with my then 18-22 yo (now 25 yo) son were more effective than anything else. Maybe they could go paintballing or AirSoft together. He gets to shoot people without hurting anyone.

Good luck and be safe apappala.

 

[zkt]

Not only taking the Lord's name in vain, but PUBLISHING it. Thats going to be a difficult one to explain at the Pearly Gates..... Carefull now...

Clicka da link an de moosic it comea out.
Girlyboy: Ever tried temazepam ? If so, how does it compare. Sure would like to drop it if I had something camparable.

 

[GirlyMan]

Girlyboy: Ever tried temazepam ? If so, how does it compare. Sure would like to drop it if I had something camparable.

Yup, I was on the jellies a few years ago (prior to TRT) after my Doc first tried Ambien then Lunesta and I told him these expensive pills weren't worth a shit and I was waking up after a couple of hours and couldn't get back to sleep. So we went old school with the temazepam, been around forever and cheap as shit (I think my scripts cost like $6 for 30 tabs, too low for my insurance copay to even kick in). Jellies definitely worked. Difference for me between the [ame="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seroquel"]Seroquel[/ame] and the jellies was that temazepam kept me asleep but really didn't help a lot for putting me to sleep so I frontloaded it with a bunch of melatonin. And I didn't really dream (or at least I never remembered them). The Seroquel puts me to sleep, I stay asleep, and I almost always remember the crazy ass dreams it gives me when I wake up.

Not only taking the Lord's name in vain, but PUBLISHING it. Thats going to be a difficult one to explain at the Pearly Gates..... Carefull now...

Yeah, I'm shakin' in my boots.

 

[hardasnails1973]

It takes two to tango...the blame was not all on him.