joke for all the board hillbillies

here's a soft one for all thedaddies>**************************************************************************************************
>My Daddy
>
>Her hair was up in a ponytail
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>Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
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>Today was Daddy's Day at school,
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>And she couldn't wait to go.
>
>
>But her mommy tried to tell her,
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>That she probably should stay home.
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>Why the kids might not understand,
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>If she went to school alone.
>
>
>But she was not afraid;
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>She knew just what to say.
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>What to tell her classmates
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>Of why he wasn't there today.
>
>
>But still her mother worried,
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>For her to face this day alone.
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>And that was why once again,
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>She tried to keep her daughter home.
>
>
>But the little girl went to school,
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>Eager to tell them all.
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>About a dad she never sees
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>A dad who never calls.
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>
>
>
>There were daddies along the wall in back,
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>For everyone to meet.
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>Children squirming impatiently,
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>Anxious in their seats.
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>
>One by one the teacher called,
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>A student from the class.
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>To introduce their daddy,
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>As seconds slowly passed.
>
>
>At last the teacher called her name,
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>Every child turned to stare.
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>Each of them was searching,
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>For a man who wasn't there.
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>
>"Where's her daddy at?"
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>She heard a boy call out.
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>"She probably doesn't have one,"
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>Another dared to shout.
>
>
>And from somewhere near the back,
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>She heard a daddy say,
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>"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
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>Too busy to waste his day."
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>
>
>The words did not offend her,
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>As she smiled up at her Mom.
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>And looked back at her teacher,
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>Who told her to go on.
>
>
>And with hands behind her back,
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>Slowly she began to speak.
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>And out from the mouth of a child,
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>Came words incredibly unique.
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>
>"My Daddy couldn't be here,
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>Because he lives so far away.
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>But I know he wishes he could be,
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>Since this is such a special day.
>
>
>And though you cannot meet him,
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>I wanted you to know.
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>All about my daddy,
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>And how much he loves me so.
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>
>He loved to tell me stories
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>He taught me to ride my bike....
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>He surprised me with pink roses,
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>And taught me to fly a kite.
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>
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>We used to share fudge sundaes,
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>And ice cream in a cone.
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>
>
>And though you cannot see him,
>
>
>I'm not standing here alone.
>
>
>
>"Cause my daddy's always with me,
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>Even though we are apart
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>I know because he told me,
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>He'll forever be in my heart"
>
>
>With that, her little hand reached up,
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>And lay across her chest.
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>Feeling her own heartbeat,
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>Beneath her favorite dress.
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>
>And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
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>Her mother stood in tears.
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>Proudly watching her daughter,
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>Who was wise beyond her years.
>
>
>For she stood up for the love
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>Of a man not in her life.
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>Doing what was best for her,
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>Doing what was right.
>
>
>And when she dropped her hand back down,
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>Staring straight into the crowd.
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>She finished with a voice so soft,
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>But its message clear and loud.
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>
>I love my daddy very much,
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>He's my shining star.
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>And if he could, he'd be here,
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>But heaven's just too far.
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>
>You see he was a fireman
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>And died just this past year
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>When airplanes hit the towers
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>And taught Americans to fear.
>
>
>But sometimes when I close my eyes,
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>It's like he never went away."
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>And then she closed her eyes,
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>And saw him there that day.
>
>
>And to her mother's amazement,
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>She witnessed with surprise.
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>A room full of daddies and children,
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>All starting to close their eyes.
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>
>Who knows what they saw before them,
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>Who knows what they felt inside.
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>Perhaps for merely a second,
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>They saw him at her side.
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>
>"I know you're with me Daddy,"
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>To the silence she called out.
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>And what happened next made believers,
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>Of those once filled with doubt.
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>
>Not one in that room could explain it,
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>For each of their eyes had been closed.
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>But there on the desk beside her,
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>Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
>
>
>And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
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>By the love of her shining bright star.
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>And given the gift of believing,
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> That heaven is never too far.
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>They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.
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>Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you.... It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgot your friends..
>
>Take the time...to live and love. Until eternity. God bless.
>
>There were 10,000 children that lost a parent on 9/11
>
>
> dad's on meso
 
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> A guy walked into a bar in Arkansas and ordered a
>
> white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looked
>
> up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee queer.
>
> The bartender looked up and said, "You ain't from
>
> around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"
>
>
> The guy said, "I'm from Iowa."
>
> The bartender asked, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"
>
> The guy responded, "I'm a taxidermist."
>
> The bartender asked, "Now just what the heck is a
>
> taxidermist?"
>
> The guy said nervously, "I mount animals."
>
>
> The bartender grinned and shouted out to the whole
>
> bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us! "
>
 
alright grizz, this one's for you...

how do you save a brother from drowning? take your foot off his head.

how do you baby-sit a black baby? wet his lips and stick him on the wall.

how do you get him off the wall? slide him to the corner of the room.

how do you shoot a black guy in the head? aim for his boom-box.
 
Similar:
How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

Hey, do we know any good mexican jokes? I don't know any of those.
 
last one of the day for me. I was happy. My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends
encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!There was only one
thing bothering me and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career
woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with
me, which made me feel uncomfortable. One day she called me and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. So before I got married and committed life to her daughter, she wanted to make love to me just once. What could I say? I was in total shock, and
couldn't say a word. So, she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for
it, just come and get me. I just watched her delicious behind as she went up
the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and instead
went to the front door... I opened it, and stepped out of the house. Her
husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and
said, we are very happy and pleased,you have passed our little test. We
couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

Moral of the story:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
 
good one thick!
my last one too ...
one night a lil girl was riding her brand new bike she got for Christmas on the street ... as she was riding a policeman on a horse came up and smiles at her and says, "hey did santa get you that new bike?" she resonds "yes" the policeman smiles again and writes her up a ticket and says, "well next time you see santa, tell him to make sure he puts reflectors on your bike" the lil girl looks at the policeman and asks, "did santa give you that horse for Christmas?" the policeman responds, "yes, yes he did." the lil girl looks up at the policeman and responds, "next time YOU see santa be sure to tell him that the dick goes on the bottom of the horse."
 
How do ya get 20 black guys in a volkswagon? Throw in a welfare check.

How do ya get them out? Throw in a job application.

How do ya get a black guy out of a tree? Cut the rope.
 
ouch!!! i'm really surprised no brothers have shown up to complain about us 'racist' guys with our black jokes. they won't complain about the polish, greek, italian, etc. jokes though. well, maybe now that i mentioned it, they might. just give them time.
 
That, my friend, is why I launched into the first of the jokes. I was curious as to what would happen. It's definitly true, for the most part, that it's perfectly ok to make fun of caucasians, but don't even think about picking on brown people. Gotta love them double standards.
 
Because America is the only place that brown people and white people intermingle in such numbers would be my guess.

My girlfriend went to Ireland last year and they were all like "You Americans are so racist. Why?" Ever seen a black guy talk with a brogue(sp?)? Point, set, match.

Talk to some European people. They're fucking hilarious. We had a German exchange student in my hgihschool. The way she went off on other Europeans was priceless. Same with the Danish girl. They're funny and equally as racist or elitist or nationalistic or whatever you want to call it.
 
Here's some more for ya:

-Why do black guys have two holes in their lips? So they can see when they whistle.

-Why are scientists now using blacks instead of mice for lab experiments? Because blacks breed faster and you don't get too attached to them.

-Did you hear about the guy who stuck his hand in a jar full of jellybeans? The black ones stole his watch.

-Why aren't there many blacks on the Starship Enterprise? Because even the future most blacks won't work.

-Why don't black people have check books? They find it hard to sign their names in spray paint.

-Why is aspirin white? You want it to work don't you?

-What is the definition of renig? Shift change at the car wash.

-What is the definition of confusion? Father's day in Harlem.

-What do you get when you cross a mexican with a black guy? A guy too lazy to steal.

-A black and a mexican jump off a building, which one hits the ground first? Who cares.

-What do you get when you cross a mexican and a chinaman? A car thief who can't drive.

-What do you call a Chinese homosexual? Chew man Chew.

-What do you call Chinese 69? Two can chew.

-Have you heard of the new Chinese cookbook? 100 ways to wok your dog.

-What do you do if you see a chinaman drowning? Throw in his wife and kids.

-Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because the jews sent him a gas bill.

-How do you get 50 jews in a volkswagon? 2 in front, 2 in back, and 46 in the ashtray.

-Whats long and hard on a black guy? Second grade.

Hope I didn't offend anybody :D
 
i got it from a pornoholic bud of mine. you gotta see the original. the pussy is smokin'. the avatar is weak and unclear because i had to shrink it to make it fit. send me your email and i'll send you the original. spankin' good....
 
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman!

What do you do when the dishwasher isn't working? Kick her in the ass!

What do you call the extra skin around the pussy?
The woman!

God told Adam, "For an arm and a leg, I can create the perfect companion for you." Adam thinks a minute and replies, "Geez, that's kind of expensive. What can I get for a rib?"
 
What do you get when you cross a mexican with an octopus?
-beats me but it sure can pick lettuce!

Why do mexicans eat refried beans?
-ever see a mexican who didn't fuck things up the first time around?

Why do mexicans drive lowriders?
-so they can drive down the street and pick lettuce at the same time.

What do you call a black millionaire physicist?
-nigger
 
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