Chip Bronson
New Member
how do you stop a gang of brothers from raping a white chick?
throw them a basketball....
throw them a basketball....
MESO-Rx
Anabolic Steroids
joke for all the board hillbillies
- Thread starter thick
- Start date
Chip Bronson
New Member
how many brothers does it take to pave a driveway?
depends on how thin you slice them...
depends on how thin you slice them...
Chip Bronson
New Member
what do you call a fat chinaman?
a chunk....
a chunk....
spookaroo
New Member
Chip Bronson said:
Women goes into the doctors office with the complaint "Doctor my whole body hurts" to this the doctor replies hmm show me. The women promptly touches her finger to her head and cries out "Ouch!" Then does the same again after touching her knees and toes and shoulders... After observing this for awhile the doctor asks her " tell me, were you born a brunette?" The women replies "why no, I was born a blonde." To this the doctor replies, " Hmmm Thats exactly what I thought. Your finger is broken."
spookaroo
New Member
spookaroo said:
Bill and Edna are two old folks in wheelchairs in an oldfolks home. After many months of getting to know each other they developed a pattern of meeting in the tv room after dinner and watching tv together while Edna has her hand inside of Bill pants. One day after dinner Bill didn't show up. Edna wasn't too concerned until after 3 days of Bill not showing up she thought maybe he had died.
One day while Edna was sitting there, Bill came rolling down the hall. Edna went over to him and asks "Bill I was so worried, where have you been." Bill became redfaced and replied "Well if you must know, I've found another women." After hearing this Edna asks "Another women? A younger women not in a wheelchair?" No Bill says, she is actually older then you and in a wheelchair" Now Edna starting to get indignant asks "Well does she sit with you the way I do?" Yes replies Bill.. Now truly pissed off Edna asks "An older women, in a wheelchair, watching tv just the way we used too, I don't get it. What the hell does she have that I don't have?" To this Bill responds.. "Parkinsons disease."
Chip Bronson
New Member
great stuff bioas. lol
spook, love the parkinsons joke lol
thanks guys.
spook, love the parkinsons joke lol
thanks guys.
thick
New Member
those were some nice additions 
ratmonkey
New Member
whats the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
you can't unload bowling balls with a pitch fork.
how do you get a dead baby out of a blender?
with a straw.
you can't unload bowling balls with a pitch fork.
how do you get a dead baby out of a blender?
with a straw.
ThePatriot
New Member
ratmonkey said:
Thats just sick lol
ratmonkey
New Member
finally someone who didn't like a joke.ThePatriot said:
what did the black kid next door get for christmas?
your bike.
Chip Bronson
New Member
one mo'
a cop was manning his radar trap when along came a white dude in his chevy doing 45 in a 35 zone. the cop pulled him over and asked what was the hurry. the dude said "i just got a call on my job saying my wife has been taken to the hospital, i don't know what's wrong and i'm in a hurry to get there." the cop told him to slow down, be careful, etc. and sent him on his way. he no sooner got set back up when a mexican dude came by in his ford station wagon going 55 in a 35 zone. the cop pulled him over. "senor, my wife she is very sick, they call me on my job, maybe she live, maybe she die, i don't know......" the cop gave him a verbal warning too and sent him on his way. he went back to his trap and a black dude in his cadillac came through doing 65 in a 35. the cop pulled him over and said "i suppose your wife is sick?" the black dude wiped his mouth with his shirt sleeve and said "oh no sir, that's barbeque sauce!"
a cop was manning his radar trap when along came a white dude in his chevy doing 45 in a 35 zone. the cop pulled him over and asked what was the hurry. the dude said "i just got a call on my job saying my wife has been taken to the hospital, i don't know what's wrong and i'm in a hurry to get there." the cop told him to slow down, be careful, etc. and sent him on his way. he no sooner got set back up when a mexican dude came by in his ford station wagon going 55 in a 35 zone. the cop pulled him over. "senor, my wife she is very sick, they call me on my job, maybe she live, maybe she die, i don't know......" the cop gave him a verbal warning too and sent him on his way. he went back to his trap and a black dude in his cadillac came through doing 65 in a 35. the cop pulled him over and said "i suppose your wife is sick?" the black dude wiped his mouth with his shirt sleeve and said "oh no sir, that's barbeque sauce!"
Chip Bronson
New Member
why do fags have moustaches?
to hide the stretchmarks....
to hide the stretchmarks....
Chip Bronson
New Member
a guy invents a cookie that tastes like pussy. he thinks he has the potential to make millions on this invention so he takes it to the nabisco corp. he goes to the president's office to try his pitch. the president is intrigued and agrees to taste-test the cookie himself first. he takes a bite and grimaces, 'yuk! this cookie tastes like shit!!!'
'no man,' replies the inventor. 'you got the wrong side...'
'no man,' replies the inventor. 'you got the wrong side...'
FTW
New Member
ok ill make fun of myself first:
What do you call a girl in Kentucky that has never had sex with her faimly?
A only child.
Who is the poorest Person in the state of Kentucky?
The tooth fairy.
And this is 4 all my black brutha on da board
What word starts with a N and ends with a R that u never ever wana call a black person?
NEIGHBOR
What do you call a girl in Kentucky that has never had sex with her faimly?
A only child.
Who is the poorest Person in the state of Kentucky?
The tooth fairy.
And this is 4 all my black brutha on da board
What word starts with a N and ends with a R that u never ever wana call a black person?
NEIGHBOR
thick
New Member
And this is 4 all my black brutha on da board
What word starts with a N and ends with a R that u never ever wana call a black person?
NEIGHBOR[/QUOTE]
FTW
New Member
Why are there so few doctors in Mexico?
Cause u ever try and spay paint a prescription?
Did u hear about the new Mexican sports car?
Its rad as hell and has 4 on the floor and 10 in the back!!!
Lo siento vato's
FTW
Cause u ever try and spay paint a prescription?
Did u hear about the new Mexican sports car?
Its rad as hell and has 4 on the floor and 10 in the back!!!
Lo siento vato's
FTW
Gavin Laird
New Member
Questionnaire:
Are YOU an American ?
1. You decide that your relationship with your partner is over. How do you break the news that you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip away quietly.
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons for your decision with your partner.
(c) Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up inbreeds on national television.
2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park. What do you need to bring?
(a) A ball.
(b) A ball and 2 coats.
(c) A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders, a marching sousaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of orthopaedic surgeons specialising in spinal injuries.
3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit. What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is still alive.
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died quickly.
(c) Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering, whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses.
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
(c) Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faith healer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on your head, whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds.
5. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea.
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee.
(c) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer.
6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office.
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel.
(c) A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a youth club.
(c) Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.
8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted.
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show.
(c) A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the audience whoops for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight wisecrack.
9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife's dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt.
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't happen again.
(c) Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation, and sue your wife's ass.
10. You are responsible for the USA's presidential electoral process. Do you:
(a) Count all votes and declare a winner.
(b) Count all votes and declare a winner.
(c) Let the press declare who's won before the votes are counted; then count only the votes which have been handed in by a deadline whilst not checking if Bud, the hillbilly sheriff of nowheres-ville, has left several thousand votes in the trunk of his Chevy 'by mistake', then force a recount of only some of the votes within just one state and allow only 12 seconds for the recount to take place; then be amazed that the recount hasn't finished by the deadline and increase the deadline by another 3.2 seconds; then ignore all votes and let 4 judges decide the result, making sure the judges all support the same candidate; then ponce around the world telling other countries how to run their own elections.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answers...
If you answered:
mostly (a)'s & (b)'s then you are a normal well-balanced individual.
mostly (c)'s then do the world a favour and shoot yourself with the anti-tank weapon you carry in the glove-box of your pick-up truck.
Hehehehe,
G.
Are YOU an American ?
1. You decide that your relationship with your partner is over. How do you break the news that you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip away quietly.
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons for your decision with your partner.
(c) Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up inbreeds on national television.
2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park. What do you need to bring?
(a) A ball.
(b) A ball and 2 coats.
(c) A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders, a marching sousaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of orthopaedic surgeons specialising in spinal injuries.
3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit. What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is still alive.
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died quickly.
(c) Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering, whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses.
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
(c) Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faith healer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on your head, whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds.
5. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea.
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee.
(c) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer.
6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office.
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel.
(c) A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a youth club.
(c) Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.
8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted.
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show.
(c) A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the audience whoops for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight wisecrack.
9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife's dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt.
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't happen again.
(c) Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation, and sue your wife's ass.
10. You are responsible for the USA's presidential electoral process. Do you:
(a) Count all votes and declare a winner.
(b) Count all votes and declare a winner.
(c) Let the press declare who's won before the votes are counted; then count only the votes which have been handed in by a deadline whilst not checking if Bud, the hillbilly sheriff of nowheres-ville, has left several thousand votes in the trunk of his Chevy 'by mistake', then force a recount of only some of the votes within just one state and allow only 12 seconds for the recount to take place; then be amazed that the recount hasn't finished by the deadline and increase the deadline by another 3.2 seconds; then ignore all votes and let 4 judges decide the result, making sure the judges all support the same candidate; then ponce around the world telling other countries how to run their own elections.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answers...
If you answered:
mostly (a)'s & (b)'s then you are a normal well-balanced individual.
mostly (c)'s then do the world a favour and shoot yourself with the anti-tank weapon you carry in the glove-box of your pick-up truck.
Hehehehe,
G.
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