Meeting New People as an Adult

[Orc419]

So I moved to a new city about a year ago and I've been struggling to meet people. In high school and college it's pretty easy but as a working adult who is a gym rat it feels impossible to make friends. I have gym friends, work friends, and I meet a lot of people going out and drinking on the weekends but they are all dead ends. Seem like no one wants a real friendship just acquaintances. I have been thinking of trying to do some type of volunteer work or joining some type of club but I don't even know how to start.

And meeting women is a whole different story. I'm definitely not afraid to shoot my shot but the gym is a horrible place to do it and the bars it's either a hook up or they never text you back.

Is anyone else in the same position or has been and fixed it? Feel hopelessly lonely honestly. Btw I'm 26 and live in the largest city in my state.

 

[test9999]

It gets harder every year of age. I moved to a new state at age 45, and now 6 years later, really don't have "friends" but just people I know. Being in the internet age doesn't help anything. Make friends based on common interests. Gym etc. Hopelessly lonely, yea I get it man.

 

[Orc419]

It gets harder every year of age. I moved to a new state at age 45, and now 6 years later, really don't have "friends" but just people I know. Being in the internet age doesn't help anything. Make friends based on common interests. Gym etc. Hopelessly lonely, yea I get it man.

I feel like every person is so shut off to talking to new people. I have was never really social but I've put a lot of effort into being better at talking to people I don't know, but it feels like it's not on me anymore. If I talk to someone new, even if the conversation goes really well, they start to think "why is this dude talking to me?" Feels like living in a bubble.

 

[test9999]

I feel like every person is so shut off to talking to new people. I have was never really social but I've put a lot of effort into being better at talking to people I don't know, but it feels like it's not on me anymore. If I talk to someone new, even if the conversation goes really well, they start to think "why is this dude talking to me?" Feels like living in a bubble.

Yeah you nailed it with every comment. Try and ask a dude (if you're a straight guy) if he wants to go grab a beer or coffee....the look you get is insane. It didn't use to be like this. I remember working out in the 90s....everyone was chatting with everyone. Jokes, talking shit, being friendly. Were in a different world now

 

[Justaguy99]

I just did the same.
I've been in many cities but this place is near impossible to meet new people.

44 and considering tinder lol

 

[Orc419]

Yeah you nailed it with every comment. Try and ask a dude (if you're a straight guy) if he wants to go grab a beer or coffee....the look you get is insane. It didn't use to be like this. I remember working out in the 90s....everyone was chatting with everyone. Jokes, talking shit, being friendly. Were in a different world now

Yup I get the same reactions. If you don't have a social circle already you're screwed. I feel this is the worst time in history to be a single guy. Everyone just wants something from you. My only friend now is a gay guy and he's cool but he just hangs out with me because he wants me. When he figures out that won't happen he'll move on. We live in a throw away culture. Especially with women they have unlimited options.

I just did the same.
I've been in many cities but this place is near impossible to meet new people.

44 and considering tinder lol

I have had tinder for years and only ever met one person. I've known girls that aren't even attractive that have thousands of likes on tinder. A hot girl... Jesus they probably get thousands of messages a day. It's worthless as a guy unless you are 10/10 attractive or rich. If that's you go for it if not it's a waste of time.

 

[juicebro]

You sound needy. People don't need needy. The avatar you use seems like something people in these incel communities use.

In my experience guys always try to make friends with you if you are successful in some way. Maybe you should focus your attention on that instead. People will come.

 

[RedXXSouth]

Yup I get the same reactions. If you don't have a social circle already you're screwed. I feel this is the worst time in history to be a single guy. Everyone just wants something from you. My only friend now is a gay guy and he's cool but he just hangs out with me because he wants me. When he figures out that won't happen he'll move on. We live in a throw away culture. Especially with women they have unlimited options.

I have had tinder for years and only ever met one person. I've known girls that aren't even attractive that have thousands of likes on tinder. A hot girl... Jesus they probably get thousands of messages a day. It's worthless as a guy unless you are 10/10 attractive or rich. If that's you go for it if not it's a waste of time.

I have met a bunch of fine ass women on tinder when I was single. I’m not a 10/10. It’s a numbers game and presentation. A lot of dudes have no idea what a woman really wants because women are never honest about that.

 

[Orc419]

You sound needy. People don't need needy. The avatar you use seems like something people in these incel communities use.

In my experience guys always try to make friends with you if you are successful in some way. Maybe you should focus your attention on that instead. People will come.

I mean having social interactions is a basic human need. I didn't make the thread to complain it just kind of started that way. I wanted advice and you gave it so thanks. I have been trying to focus on myself more but I've always done that and I'm still in the same spot so looking for ideas.

 

[Metribolone]

I have met a bunch of fine ass women on tinder when I was single. I’m not a 10/10. It’s a numbers game and presentation. A lot of dudes have no idea what a woman really wants because women are never honest about that.

Real. I’ve never had a problem meeting people on tinder and I’m short 5’4” and dare I say a little handsome (at least to myself and that’s all that matters)

 

[RedXXSouth]

To the OP. That day is over. The commercials and what it seems like on social media is bullshit. Only children have friends in this day and age. Adults have acquaintances, fuck buddies, and spouses. That’s it. And if you get a friend he will try to fuck your fuck buddy or spouse given the chance. No one wants to be challenged. They wont engage unless it is all about them. And female friends is a bold face lie unless you ugly with a great personality. Every female acted like my friend ended up fucking. Every female I ever had a longer than 10 min conversation with I fucked as a matter of fact. Didn’t even think about that.

 

[Hayes88]

Getting real friends when you're older is close to impossible. As mentioned you can get a few social connection, gym or drink buddies, but nothing real if you ever experienced that as a youngster. The best friends I have are are from high school times, but with age career or family comes in the way and a coffee one time a month is a good month.

I have people I can clearly see would become great friends, but the connection never stays. You could even talk about it with each other and make promises, still nada. Though I do see people make friends and it's often connected to hobbies and travel, though I never felt that. So I go the same route as the rest, getting a wife and kids.

 

[SippinCoffee]

I've always had an easy time with this. I'm not some super awesome dude I think I'm just easy to talk to. Forever I had more friends than I had time for.

About a year and a half ago my wife and I set out to find a couple where we both liked both people since we hadn't ever really had that. I was amazed at how difficult it was to accomplish but also how weird I felt with this actually being my focus rather than it just happening naturally. Finally we found exactly what we were looking for. Turns out it was with our kids swim coach and his GF. I had always gotten along with the guy and we would chat but I had never really tried to be his friend. When I first started trying to make plans I was sure he just thought I was a weirdo...he either couldn't come or canceled like the first 5-6 times. My wife kept on me to keep trying since he would always act like he wanted to and now like 8 months later he's become one of my best buds, my wide and his GF are super tight and it's been great.

I think the point here is this....sometimes the answer is right in your face you've just got to stop and look. Second, don't be afraid to try...if they aren't saying no then don't assume that's what they mean.

Also volunteer groups, service organizations like Lions club, Elks, Freemasons, things like that can all be great places to find laid back people. Im in 2 of the 3 I mentioned and have always enjoyed them. Find a couple of things you actually enjoy and do the fuck out of them, look for positions within them to be even more involved. Doing volunteer/service work can help you make friends, meet women and give you a sense of accomplishment. It's a great place to start.

Good luck homie.

 

[shartking]

Outdoors groups are a great way to meet fit people, male and female.

 

[SippinCoffee]

Outdoors groups are a great way to meet fit people, male and female.

My wife and I just went out with a Kayaking group. They hired her to take pictures...so I paddled while she took shots of them. It was a great workout and the people were super cool. Not to mention all the fit hippy chick's...that's never a bad group to be hanging out with.

 

[Orc419]

Outdoors groups are a great way to meet fit people, male and female.

My wife and I just went out with a Kayaking group. They hired her to take pictures...so I paddled while she took shots of them. It was a great workout and the people were super cool. Not to mention all the fit hippy chick's...that's never a bad group to be hanging out with.

Thanks for the replies and glad you have another couple to hang out with that sounds awesome! I am going to try to start doing some outdoors clubs and activities this summer, it's starting to get warm here now. I also go to a bouldering gym once a week I'll start going more and put the weights on the back burner. They have a lot of events at this gym too. Here's hoping

 

[shartking]

My wife and I just went out with a Kayaking group. They hired her to take pictures...so I paddled while she took shots of them. It was a great workout and the people were super cool. Not to mention all the fit hippy chick's...that's never a bad group to be hanging out with.

That's awesome. I banged more than a few fit chicks through my paddling group.

 

[Inspired]

So I moved to a new city about a year ago and I've been struggling to meet people. In high school and college it's pretty easy but as a working adult who is a gym rat it feels impossible to make friends. I have gym friends, work friends, and I meet a lot of people going out and drinking on the weekends but they are all dead ends. Seem like no one wants a real friendship just acquaintances. I have been thinking of trying to do some type of volunteer work or joining some type of club but I don't even know how to start.

And meeting women is a whole different story. I'm definitely not afraid to shoot my shot but the gym is a horrible place to do it and the bars it's either a hook up or they never text you back.

Is anyone else in the same position or has been and fixed it? Feel hopelessly lonely honestly. Btw I'm 26 and live in the largest city in my state.

What's your job and do you live in the US? I would try to exit the matrix by going overseas and seeing what life is like somewhere else. Get a taste of something outside of the rat race. You'll never be happy or fulfilled in the US. It's a dead end. At the same time, the rest of the world isn't perfect either. It's easier to meet people in other countries and have those experiences that are just missing in the US.

Either way, it is a lonely world and a man ends up suffering in isolation and loneliness too often, but that's where you can really learn about yourself.

Don't ever get into a relationship with an American female. Get a foreign chick.

 

[Country Club Hero]

Church, jiujitsu, animal shelters, running groups, diving/scooba if you’re a nerd. Groups like that will land you some lifetime friends in my region of the country. Unfortunately it’s the region where everyone is moving to so it will probably change too.

 

[Orc419]

What's your job and do you live in the US? I would try to exit the matrix by going overseas and seeing what life is like somewhere else. Get a taste of something outside of the rat race. You'll never be happy or fulfilled in the US. It's a dead end. At the same time, the rest of the world isn't perfect either. It's easier to meet people in other countries and have those experiences that are just missing in the US.

Either way, it is a lonely world and a man ends up suffering in isolation and loneliness too often, but that's where you can really learn about yourself.

Don't ever get into a relationship with an American female. Get a foreign chick.

I do maintenance at a manufacturing place in the U.S. Pretty much a dead end for finding cool people as far as jobs go. Definitely have considered leaving the U.S. I know that in some countries people will befriend you just because you are a foreigner. Any countries you suggest? I have thought about Japan or Russia. I know Russia is an odd one but I've always loved the culture.

Church, jiujitsu, animal shelters, running groups, diving/scooba if you’re a nerd. Groups like that will land you some lifetime friends in my region of the country. Unfortunately it’s the region where everyone is moving to so it will probably change too.

I think Church is a good one even though I'm not religious. They are generally accepting people and do group charity work. I live in the midwest so a lot of outdoor clubs don't really exist but I'm going to look for some.