Mentally breaking - Need advice

[Hayes88]

Hi guys,

I am surprised how much I weep at the moment and today I almost passed out from hyper-ventilating, this is unusual for me and I can't seem to control it.

The last 2 years has been horrible, everything has been going sideways, but there is one issue that now crashes me - my love is in prison.

I made a thread a while back that a loved one was having legal problems, but I didn't mention it was my to be wife. During covid she was used and naive, did a crime without intent, and now 1.5 years later court wants her punished.

We thought this would blow over and I planned to fight my azoospermia so we could have kids. I was also going to propose November.

- Now Tuesday court said she gets 5 years on two accounts, and if she pleads guilty she gets 2.5 years (no other plea bargain possible) as a deal to speed things up.
- Lawyers says we have a strong case and can fight, if we win she goes free. However if she looses she risk 10 years! Which is crazy...
- Judge stated for her sake she should plead guilty, according to him it's better for her. They have not yet shown us their hand (proof).

I am in Thailand so everything is corrupt, and I cannot pay myself out of this. To make it worse, she needs to make a decision before 30th, and on top of that I am not allowed to see or talk to her before after the decision, so she needs to make it alone.

I might get to see the proof tomorrow, but when lawyers says "We have a strong case and might win, it's clear she's innocent to us, but there are no guarantees and if we choose to fight and loose she might get max sentence". Our proof is based on likelyhood, nothing concrete. Word against word.

Adding maybe win and maybe 10 years in the same sentence is crazy scary. So it almost forces her to plead for crimes she hasn't commited. Here "should have known" is legally binding and seen as intent, even if she didn't know.

I can't protect my future wife and no idea what to do besides holding my breath, and that is killing me inside with all that's happening around.

All forums regarding this is for women, anyone gone through similar?

 

[biggerben69]

That is a tough spot you find yourself in. I skimmed your other posts just for a moment and think its clear that you are for certain in a seriously depressed state of mind. I was going to say that we may not be the best place for you to find support but your situation, to me, seems unique in that its Thailand we're talking about and don't think you will find a support group to fit your situation anywhere so you might as well look around places you already find yourself in.

i served a 5 year federal prison term here in the USA and will tell you that its the family...husband or wife and kids at home who suffer more so than the inmates themselves. I should speak for myself... it was my kids and ex-wife who suffered 100 times more than I did. I'm ok and can thrive(as much as its possible) or at least make the best of whatever situation I find myself in.

My ex with our 4 kids and no financial support during that time took to escorting to make ends meet. She wasn't walking the streets but prostitution is prostitution, My youngest son was expelled from High School during that time. He was angry that his Dad was gone one day and never came home. Pissed off he became violent. Attacking kids he didn't like.

My youngest daughter and i are close. She was always my favorite. I tried not to let the others know this but she was. She has daddy issues. She had done some modeling locally for shops in So Cal. She was sexually assaulted by a man older than myself. A movie producer from Los Angeles. Lured her to a casino with a gay friend of hers. After serving them drinks and drugs men escorted her friend out of the hotel. Left her to fend for herself. The only positive thing was that there were messages and pictures she didn't know were in her facebook account. Almost hidden in the archives. The fool left sexually charged msg's and msg's asking her to bring him friends of hers with the promise of work in Hollywood. He sent a video clip of himself depositing a huge crack rock in the mailbox outside her home in Palm Springs.

She's now married to an attorney in Orange County, They took the msg's to an attorney who handled claims of women from the Me Too or whatever that group is called. A settlement was reached out of court but its just an example of who suffers when a parent or spouse goes to prison.

I tell you this because it helps me but also in hopes that you may see that you may not be in as bad a spot as others. You may even be able to be grateful. You didn't mention kids? I don't think you have any between you? Thats a blessing. You most likely won't have to sell your ass...unless you want to, of course?!? You have to try and laugh sometimes.

2.5 yrs goes by very quickly. I know its cliche. But i promise you it does. You sound fairly young. You both will have the rest of your lives together. Concentrate on taking care of yourself so when she gets home she'll come home to a happy and self sufficient man who is making it in the world,

Send her $$, It will make her stay much easier. Its the only thing that matters inside. Its will show the other women there that she is loved. A full locker tells the inmates she is loved by someone out in the world. Nothing is more important to the inmate than a full commissary account. You can make it. Start looking at the positive TODAY. BE THERE FOR HER!!

 

[Hayes88]

That is a tough spot you find yourself in. I skimmed your other posts just for a moment and think its clear that you are for certain in a seriously depressed state of mind. I was going to say that we may not be the best place for you to find support but your situation, to me, seems unique in that its Thailand we're talking about and don't think you will find a support group to fit your situation anywhere so you might as well look around places you already find yourself in.

i served a 5 year federal prison term here in the USA and will tell you that its the family...husband or wife and kids at home who suffer more so than the inmates themselves. I should speak for myself... it was my kids and ex-wife who suffered 100 times more than I did. I'm ok and can thrive(as much as its possible) or at least make the best of whatever situation I find myself in.

My ex with our 4 kids and no financial support during that time took to escorting to make ends meet. She wasn't walking the streets but prostitution is prostitution, My youngest son was expelled from High School during that time. He was angry that his Dad was gone one day and never came home. Pissed off he became violent. Attacking kids he didn't like.

My youngest daughter and i are close. She was always my favorite. I tried not to let the others know this but she was. She has daddy issues. She had done some modeling locally for shops in So Cal. She was sexually assaulted by a man older than myself. A movie producer from Los Angeles. Lured her to a casino with a gay friend of hers. After serving them drinks and drugs men escorted her friend out of the hotel. Left her to fend for herself. The only positive thing was that there were messages and pictures she didn't know were in her facebook account. Almost hidden in the archives. The fool left sexually charged msg's and msg's asking her to bring him friends of hers with the promise of work in Hollywood. He sent a video clip of himself depositing a huge crack rock in the mailbox outside her home in Palm Springs.

She's now married to an attorney in Orange County, They took the msg's to an attorney who handled claims of women from the Me Too or whatever that group is called. A settlement was reached out of court but its just an example of who suffers when a parent or spouse goes to prison.

I tell you this because it helps me but also in hopes that you may see that you may not be in as bad a spot as others. You may even be able to be grateful. You didn't mention kids? I don't think you have any between you? Thats a blessing. You most likely won't have to sell your ass...unless you want to, of course?!? You have to try and laugh sometimes.

2.5 yrs goes by very quickly. I know its cliche. But i promise you it does. You sound fairly young. You both will have the rest of your lives together. Concentrate on taking care of yourself so when she gets home she'll come home to a happy and self sufficient man who is making it in the world,

Send her $$, It will make her stay much easier. Its the only thing that matters inside. Its will show the other women there that she is loved. A full locker tells the inmates she is loved by someone out in the world. Nothing is more important to the inmate than a full commissary account. You can make it. Start looking at the positive TODAY. BE THERE FOR HER!!

Sincerely, thank you for sharing that @biggerben69 ! I've never had it easy, but reading this it still reminds me that some are fighting battles to me which are unfathomable, like the one you shared now.
Parts in that sharing makes me tense with fury how some people can act against others.
I am truly sorry for you and them...
And I sincerely hope your life is better today with loved ones close.

I've always been able to vent casually, laugh and put my feelings aside, always helping others no matter the cost. Now with such grand plans of love and family, it became too much it seems. It was my way out of my own head and trauma if that makes sense, a path where I can focus on others happiness and in that find my own, something bigger than myself. We were planing to move back to be close to my parents to have kids there.

Seeing her scared, lonely, and crying and I can't touch her, or beat up the people who hurt her, I can just watch. I am allowed to see her through a steel bar window 15 minutes a day, but getting there and back takes 4 hours. There is no clean water, no activities, no privacy, no chairs to sit on, no bed or book, nothing for her.

I have been slapped around my entire life, but that is ok somehow, I am used to it and can handle it, but when people I love falter I react very differently. Seems this situation dug up all the old emotions as well, and I need strength to not just be there for her, but also sort the mess around that seems to grow.

Though I am calmer now from when I wrote above, on my way to the boxing bag and waiting for a call from the lawyers to hopefully see them tomorrow. Fighting the urge to run in and scream at the judges next week will be hard, but I gotta stay calm and collected for her.

And as you stated, I do think it's a blessing that kids are not here yet, I read a lot of mom posts today where they fight alone. And there is no support here, no friends that I can turn to, at best I can get pills which I want to avoid. I am trying to leave the room at least to not see her clothes, parfumes and pictures too much.
And I would never leave her, regardless the years.

It feels twisted that sharing bad experiences helps, but it does and gives perspective.
Thank you BB!

 

[Ghoul]

Thai women's prison doesn't seem nearly as terrible as men's prison.

She can be paroled in as little as 6 months. It's very unlikely she'll serve anywhere near the full 2.5 years. Married people in the military for longer than 6 months and their relationship ships survive.

It would be worse if she was in a serious car accident than this. Just stay close to her during this time and she'll be home in under a year.

I wouldn't risk the 10 year sentence. It's not the lawyer who'll be going to jail.

If the judge is suggesting it's a good idea to take the deal, take the deal. He's not going to be inclined to prove his words wrong at trial or sentencing.

 

[Hayes88]

Thai women's prison doesn't seem nearly as terrible as men's prison.

She can be paroled in as little as 6 months. It's very unlikely she'll serve anywhere near the full 2.5 years. Married people in the military for longer than 6 months and their relationship ships survive.

It would be worse if she was in a serious car accident than this. Just stay close to her during this time and she'll be home in under a year.

I wouldn't risk the 10 year sentence. It's not the lawyer who'll be going to jail.

If the judge is suggesting it's a good idea to take the deal, take the deal. He's not going to be inclined to prove his words wrong at trial or sentencing.

Very true, I've seen both. Womens prison are very strict, but you don't have the fights, r*pe, drugs and corruption as mens prisons. It's better now compared to just 10 years ago, but Thailand is far behind in terms of constitutional law and social programs.

Thailand do not allow legally for bargaining, but it's common practice that they verbally give 50% of sentence without guarantee. Meaning they can say one thing and do another to get a plea. So we have no guarantee of the 2.5 years regardless I got today.

You are allowed to apply for probation if it's less than 5 years for most crimes that is not a danger to others, most often after you've sit a third of the sentence. Otherwise it's common that you sit 3/4 of the sentence given.

All in all, Thailand does not follow the law as much as they highlight, it's a culture of corruption and absolute power when you reach a certain position, and they are extremely lazy/ cold. Example would be lawyers say yes to judges regardless what is right for the client.

I got a call from my lawyers and got to go there a few hours ago. Seems judges have no proof at all, they haven't even gone through the evidence themselves. They clearly tried to make her plea to go home and play golf and not do the extra work. If we fight this and law prevails we win, if they are corrupt we are screwed. Luckily it seems that if we do fight it the trials will be recorded and a head judge will be placed for supervision, so corruption risk is low and proof needs to be concrete for what they accuse her of, which they don't have (no intent). We have a shot, but it's up to my girl to make that decision and I am not allowed to talk to her before court day next week.

 

[Ghoul]

Very true, I've seen both. Womens prison are very strict, but you don't have the fights, r*pe, drugs and corruption as mens prisons. It's better now compared to just 10 years ago, but Thailand is far behind in terms of constitutional law and social programs.

Thailand do not allow legally for bargaining, but it's common practice that they verbally give 50% of sentence without guarantee. Meaning they can say one thing and do another to get a plea. So we have no guarantee of the 2.5 years regardless I got today.

You are allowed to apply for probation if it's less than 5 years for most crimes that is not a danger to others, most often after you've sit a third of the sentence. Otherwise it's common that you sit 3/4 of the sentence given.

All in all, Thailand does not follow the law as much as they highlight, it's a culture of corruption and absolute power when you reach a certain position, and they are extremely lazy/ cold. Example would be lawyers say yes to judges regardless what is right for the client.

I got a call from my lawyers and got to go there a few hours ago. Seems judges have no proof at all, they haven't even gone through the evidence themselves. They clearly tried to make her plea to go home and play golf and not do the extra work. If we fight this and law prevails we win, if they are corrupt we are screwed. Luckily it seems that if we do fight it the trials will be recorded and a head judge will be placed for supervision, so corruption risk is low and proof needs to be concrete for what they accuse her of, which they don't have (no intent). We have a shot, but it's up to my girl to make that decision and I am not allowed to talk to her before court day next week.

Whatever you do, reassure her you'll be there for her no matter what happens, try to be calm in her presence, logical and strong. She needs to draw courage and strength from you. That's your primary role. Do not allow her fear to unsettle you, be her rock.

 

[Hayes88]

Whatever you do, reassure her you'll be there for her no matter what happens, try to be calm in her presence, logical and strong. She needs to draw courage and strength from you. That's your primary role. Do not allow her fear to unsettle you, be her rock.

Amen brother! That is the role of men in thick and thin I believe, especially for those you love. I may crash at home, but would never show her that. I visit her daily when I am allowed and always make sure she is fed, supported, loved and have as mentioned from BB money in her account. Today I collected all meaningful pictures we have taken during the years together and ordered a huge canvas to show her at court for strength.

If we do win this, I have a travel plan to take her to Australia and propose, so I do hope we are given a chance. But if not, then I will stick around until she's out.

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

Sorry you are going through all of this brother. Hope it works out

 

[lukiss96]

Hell, man I wish you luck to fight out of it somehow. Other guys know it better than me and shared/will share their experiences. I wish I could help, you were positive dude a while ago, sad to see things changing for the worse. Hopefully all will be good. Take care man.