Meso drug addicts

[Mr.B66]

I was a coke and herion addict for about 3 yrs , before that i was like i am now a gym rat i ate slept and breathed lifting. So much so that i felt invulnerable to addiction. I thought addicts were just weak minded and i certainly wasnt that. Well that turned out to be the perfect mindset for addiction. I managed to smoke a small fortune in that three years, i stopped lifting , blew up to a bloated 220lbs and almost lost everything i had. But i also lost what i can never recover and thats 3 years of spending time with my daughter. While she would be playing soccer or dancing in hula competitions i would be getting high.
Lucky for me i have a great wife (also my best friend,)she looked me in the face one day and said " well we're gonna loose the house, but thats ok we'll still have each other. Iwent to rehab the next day and never looked back. And managed to get it together in time to save my house. After that i was on methadone for about 2-3 years. Well fast forward 2-3 years and the family and i flew to Washington for a family gathering, but when we got to Washington my luggage containing my methadone didnt come in. I was fucking panicking, all i could think about was im gonna start going downhill real fast, then as we are hanging in the luggage area i notice the frantic look on my 7 year old daughters face as she is searching through all the incoming luggage. She could see how panicked i was and all she knew is that my luggage not coming in was the cause. She had no idea what was in it, but seeing the fear on my face scared her.
I realized at that very moment that even though i wasn't smoking dope anymore i was still a slave to drugs, methadone was my new master. I decided right there in the luggage claim that i was done with this shit, no more would i allow a drug to control my life.
Well my luggage finally showed and the trip went as planned. And as soon as i got back i went to the methadone clinic and told them to start tapering me down 10mg every two weeks as I received two weeks supply at a time. I started at 106 mg and tapered down to
1 1/2 mg before going cold turkey, and even though i didnt get sick when i quit it took about a year before i slept through a whole night. Each month got a little better.
I started hitting the gym hard again also got my business back up and running and here i am 16 years later still clean and happy. Living the dream.
I know my writing skills and grammar suck but i never tell anybody that part of my life, but after reading some of your stories i decided to share.
And to you guys still fighting the fight, you CAN win, if i can do it you can too. One day at a time.

 

[pmac928]

I started snorting Oxycodone at 14 and it was downhill since then, I spent more time high than sober from roughly that point until my mid 20's. With that said the only drug that truly ruined my life was speed, I was an addict for 3-4 year at which point I was using 400-500mg of Adderall on some days. Things got pretty dark and for a while I wasn't sure I would ever make it out.

Although things have been going fairly well for about the last year and a half I've been getting shitfaced almost every night for the past few months now. As of recently I've been averaging a liter of vodka every few days, sometimes even less. I'm even drunk right now. Not sure what spawned this but in any event I know things will come together, if I can kick speed I sure as fuck can handle a little speed bump I've encountered with booze.

Drinking alone will leave the door open for what you really want to do. I had a great business a few years back. I actually built.it while sniffing roxis. They weren't that bad to me. Always had a steady supply and never paid for them. Then one day I decided it was a good idea to go hang out in the bar. Sure enough for the next year I was running to the hood 5xs a night to get crack. Within a year the business was gone. 300k a year gone.

Point is if your an addict there is no moderation. Just cause I don't get high doesn't mean I'm not an addict. It is all about the obsession. Always stressing something. Pussy, money, food, gear, training.

 

[ChuckSipes]

I was a coke and herion addict for about 3 yrs , before that i was like i am now a gym rat i ate slept and breathed lifting. So much so that i felt invulnerable to addiction. I thought addicts were just weak minded and i certainly wasnt that. Well that turned out to be the perfect mindset for addiction. I managed to smoke a small fortune in that three years, i stopped lifting , blew up to a bloated 220lbs and almost lost everything i had. But i also lost what i can never recover and thats 3 years of spending time with my daughter. While she would be playing soccer or dancing in hula competitions i would be getting high.
Lucky for me i have a great wife (also my best friend,)she looked me in the face one day and said " well we're gonna loose the house, but thats ok we'll still have each other. Iwent to rehab the next day and never looked back. And managed to get it together in time to save my house. After that i was on methadone for about 2-3 years. Well fast forward 2-3 years and the family and i flew to Washington for a family gathering, but when we got to Washington my luggage containing my methadone didnt come in. I was fucking panicking, all i could think about was im gonna start going downhill real fast, then as we are hanging in the luggage area i notice the frantic look on my 7 year old daughters face as she is searching through all the incoming luggage. She could see how panicked i was and all she knew is that my luggage not coming in was the cause. She had no idea what was in it, but seeing the fear on my face scared her.
I realized at that very moment that even though i wasn't smoking dope anymore i was still a slave to drugs, methadone was my new master. I decided right there in the luggage claim that i was done with this shit, no more would i allow a drug to control my life.
Well my luggage finally showed and the trip went as planned. And as soon as i got back i went to the methadone clinic and told them to start tapering me down 10mg every two weeks as I received two weeks supply at a time. I started at 106 mg and tapered down to
1 1/2 mg before going cold turkey, and even though i didnt get sick when i quit it took about a year before i slept through a whole night. Each month got a little better.
I started hitting the gym hard again also got my business back up and running and here i am 16 years later still clean and happy. Living the dream.
I know my writing skills and grammar suck but i never tell anybody that part of my life, but after reading some of your stories i decided to share.
And to you guys still fighting the fight, you CAN win, if i can do it you can too. One day at a time.

fuuuck man

 

[ChuckSipes]

Drinking alone will leave the door open for what you really want to do. I had a great business a few years back. I actually built.it while sniffing roxis. They weren't that bad to me. Always had a steady supply and never paid for them. Then one day I decided it was a good idea to go hang out in the bar. Sure enough for the next year I was running to the hood 5xs a night to get crack. Within a year the business was gone. 300k a year gone.

Point is if your an addict there is no moderation. Just cause I don't get high doesn't mean I'm not an addict. It is all about the obsession. Always stressing something. Pussy, money, food, gear, training.

true that man.. when i start training it becomes my heroin, sometimes i have to travel a lot and as soon as i slack off at the gym pussy becomes the H. its ridiculous

i think it started in me from when i was growing up playing basketball, i used to train every morning and night, play 4 games a week too. that released the addict in me.. that said i do find it good for certain things like making money etc.

 

[MANWHORE]

A friend I met in veteran rehab lives near me ..
so he is on and off Opiates in and out of rehab 5x now ..
I told him get some alcohol and drink the withdrawals away .

he sends me texts at work telling me that he's off for two days now three days now 4 days now and doesn't feel bad..
I said Damn your tough so weeks later he is withdrawing again because he's a fuckin idiot and yes he is an idiot even without opiates ..
I said just go cold Turkey like last time because you didn't feel that bad and he said Oh I was taking tramadol last time I just looked at him and smiled and walked away...
if people are using they know they can come to me because I won't judge but when someone who pops blues all days for weeks is asking me why they feel so bad when they don't have them I can't talk to them anymore ..

on my lunch break and two other breaks people come to the picnic table and smoke I always feel like I am in rehab they are cigarette fiends And I always tell them to have some fuckin respect for us non smokers and get the fuck away from where people eat and not to cry when they are talking through their throats with an electronic device ..

I use steroids if I have a problem in my body that comes from steroids I am NOT going to cry to someone and say why did this happen to me

 

[MANWHORE]

One other thing ..

My father was out of the house when I was 5yrs old but he still loves us and we saw him and my mother made sure our childhood was amazing so I do whine about My father not being there for me but I did have my uncle to kick my ass to WWF .. it was fun
and my life has been pretty Damn good ...

I know people had it bad through life .. I didn't but I have a very bad temper ..
that I believe is from the Russian side and just seeing how bullies and other assholes treat other people my whole life ..

I was a shy kid with a bad temper but a very long fuse but now I am fast to speak my mind with a little more control where to direct that temper ..

I'll cry seeing a hurt puppy and in the same day stick a knife in someone's throat and watch their eyes roll back without an pity at all if they hurt me enough ..

Humans are very unpredictable

 

[caveman72]

I am no different my parents devorced when I was 4.
bit my dad gas a coke dealer got popped not long they divorced .my mom was raised by a adopted mother Yugoslavian we are half Indian and white.my mom list her dad she turned to the needle I still had a mom but was gone alot.my grandma was a Jesus that's even Ger b.day 12-25 but u was poor had younger brother 2 years younger. I gated drugs as q kid I saw the needle and spoon and thought it was normal but knew my neighbors weren't like this.
by the time I was 15 I guess you can say I was curious to why the needle was like. why my mom stayed loving it more than staying. home to be a mom. met a Exxon he was 30 I was 15 he would smoke and we would do side jobs then he taught me how to shoot dope first peanut butter crank. I was in a euphoria. I knew there was no going back to being normal. than it was coke. I was a,crack addict and dope shooting coke.then tried to quit coke for delaudid.my favorite white boys herroine during 80s and 90s this was before it was a fad to be on opiods back then everyone. was tweaking or cracked out.I. forgot to mention I quit shooting for a while became a lifter and did contest at 18 got second at mo.teen light.
then in 1992 I won overall teen mo.title than by 24 fellinto drugs and its a shame became a methadone junky a legal junky its worse cause its Free and they control you.but St least I was a functioning addict.I kicked it 3 times gold Turkey what a hell no sleep for a month diarist for a month but it got better what hurt most is. I couldn't work tell natural energy came back.well I kept back and forth was homeless a few lost good union job. I eventuallyeven became a bath salt addict.I was crazy and dangerous. I finally broke into a pharmacy I thought I was crying for help in a way I knew I would get caught and went to prison.
it hot me back to lifting I been out two years been back lifting 3 years however I'm on Suboxone its still a hall and chain but at least I'm not nodded off all the time
I'm really mow trying to fullfill my dream being. a pro. bodybuilder I'm working on getting my shit paid to get license back there holding cause u owe money. God has face me a life and I wasted 15 years to shooting door I'm lucky to be here.now I'm addicted to narcisisum of bodybuilding but its a improvement. I love brewing my gear its only way to do the compounds andvalso know there real. but I pray one day I can her off of Suboxone I know if I tried now I would go to heroin. but I've always worked just jury myself. I honestly think even though I don't want a women in my business I believe the answer is love I was always doing good when I was playing family. mow I'm alone and playing I'm gomna be a pro.which is what has kept me just gomna Suboxone. I will be off paper in September they have me two years good time so I her off parole early.I pray that these young guys it they get addicted to anything let it be a.a.s.

 

[caveman72]

that felt good to share part of my story thanks MESO-Rx thanks this is feeling like home

 

[MANWHORE]

I like sucking on stinky feet and sticking my tongue in women's asses so I'll tell you right now, the drugs were always the least of my malfunctions

 

[jaymaximus]

Diluded is a hell of a drug too. I get it everytime I go to the hospital. I wont lie, I exagerate my pain everytime to get more. It doesnt help that hospitals just give it away like nothing. If I could get it on the outside easily I would hate to see what would happen with me. I actually found myself googling any drugs that give you the same feeling the last time I was in.

 

[caveman72]

Diluded is a hell of a drug too. I get it everytime I go to the hospital. I wont lie, I exagerate my pain everytime to get more. It doesnt help that hospitals just give it away like nothing. If I could get it on the outside easily I would hate to see what would happen with me. I actually found myself googling any drugs that give you the same feeling the last time I was in.

ya all opiods pretty much feel the same in a way.once you're brain is addicted it quits producing natural opiods kinda like external test keepsvteceptors full you wont make test. well you put in opiods and fill opiod receptors you wont produce s then you're body and brain is relying in a daily fix of opiods it you will not have energy to go to work or gym.tell you kick it.now tramadol nobody wants it. it don't get you high nut it tricks the brain it fills. receptors and you can go to work and you can be productive on it like Suboxone nutcases soon as you stop it sucks.
I hate thatvi need water,food,air,shelter,and Suboxone if the world Harvard catastrophe u would havevto get off of it. thanks for listening sometimes My phone spells shit weird.

 

[jaymaximus]

ya all opiods pretty much feel the same in a way.once you're brain is addicted it quits producing natural opiods kinda like external test keepsvteceptors full you wont make test. well you put in opiods and fill opiod receptors you wont produce s then you're body and brain is relying in a daily fix of opiods it you will not have energy to go to work or gym.tell you kick it.now tramadol nobody wants it. it don't get you high nut it tricks the brain it fills. receptors and you can go to work and you can be productive on it like Suboxone nutcases soon as you stop it sucks.
I hate thatvi need water,food,air,shelter,and Suboxone if the world Harvard catastrophe u would havevto get off of it. thanks for listening sometimes My phone spells shit weird.

I had a psych doc try to give me tramadol a few months back. Said it was for anxiety and sleep. I would take it at night and wake up zoned out. Like I felt like i was watching a movie of my life while living it. I got stopped for driving fucked up but they let me go when I showed them to bottle. I went straight to the doc and got off of it.

I have tremendous respect for all who have kicked their addictions (or are getting there). Its hard. And no one who hasnt been through it can understand.

 

[pmac928]

Diluded is a hell of a drug too. I get it everytime I go to the hospital. I wont lie, I exagerate my pain everytime to get more. It doesnt help that hospitals just give it away like nothing. If I could get it on the outside easily I would hate to see what would happen with me. I actually found myself googling any drugs that give you the same feeling the last time I was in.

Drug addicts will conjure up injuries and convince ourselves we are in more pain then we really are. It's fucking sick tbh. Another member here Ive gotten to know pretty well started drinking again and within a month or two went back to his drug of choice. (At least that's what it sounds like) now dude is locked up for some drug charge. And it all happens that fast. They say work the program until you have to much to lose if you get high. I have to much to lose nowadays. I've worked my ass off for the life I have and refuse to ever go back to that dingy life.

 

[BIGMESC]

Amen brother. Preach that truth.

Thought I was the only one who loved that burnt rubber band taste.

One night a year getting drunk or high? Must be cool to not be an addict I guess.

I started smoking crack when I was fourteen, in rehab at 16. Relapsed... went through ought the bender with a few years on coke... because Crack was the problem. A few years on club drugs, drinking, then a few years on Benzos and opiates. Then heroin. My personal favorite? Pcp... smoke it till you don't know your own name and shoot a bundle with half a bar in it and blow a couple lines before you nod out. Puke, then enjoy not knowing who or where you are.

I tried everything to get clean without total abstinence. Church, shrinks, psychological treatments, begged for electroshock therapy. Anything but AA or NA. not for me. Finally dragged myself out of a crackhouse after a 200k bender that lasted 10 months and I had lost my house, car, family, relationship, everything. I stayed sober for 18 months. I decided I could have a few beers. I had a needle in my arm three days later. Lost everything I toiled for over the last year and a half- job, relationship, all my possessions and sold my new care for five ounces of crack. I ended up staying out for four horrible fucking years... details not necessary.

I have a child that means the world to me and I hated her when I was using, but I didn't want to do to her what my drug addict parents did to me. I got sober when she was four months old- it was the hardest thing I ever did. Had a seizure day three- shit my pants and almost bit my tongue off. Meetings every day. Sponsor. Steps. Forced a better way of life.

My life is fucking amazing. I found the iron 2 1/2 years ago, I have real friends and a great career. My child is my everything. I got 50/50 custody and I do everything with her I never got to do. We are best friends- she is my angel, my princess. I would do anything to protect her and this life I have- me and my 270 lbs (and concealed carry permit) fucking dare anyone to test that.

Get fucked up once a year? I would rather cut my dick off, fill the hole with gasoline and light it on fire.

 

[Whoremoans]

Did any of you guys ever "chase the dragon"? That was always my preferred ROA. Aluminum foil, the tube from a bic pen, and a lighter. Roxis would slide across the foil like butter on a hot pan and leave a black streak. H would turn into a golden liquid and turn into plooms of vapor. The grey rock chunk H I use to get would slide too. I would always snort some before I smoked but I felt like nothing else was like the burst of euphoria from inhaling the vapor. The taste and smell of roasted marshmallows still haunts me from smoking 30s. I kept a roll of Reynolds wrap, a tube and a ped egg with me everywhere I went. I never got into crack suprisingly considering I enjoyed the crack like buzz from vaping my dope but I did plenty of speed not really because I enjoyed it but so I could stop nodding and manage to drive and work for a couple days straight without sleep. I did lotsss of drugs but amps and opiates were always my favorite. I did enough LSD, DMT, mushrooms, ketamine, mdma, research chems, benzos, and coke to make your head spin. Mixed way more shit than anyone ever should too. Even spent a while on synthetic weed. Never did pcp on purpose but shit happens. But them fucking opana 40s man. Stop signs. Those bastards would light my world up. Snort one, smoke one, pop a bar, and then take a blast of crank to keep my eyes open. Those were the days or so I thought.

 

[pmac928]

^^^^^ some insanity for ya..

 

[SJB78]

doesnt methadone rot your bones from the inside? i member a fiend was telling me that and he said that was his reason for not getting clean..i didnt use suboxone or subutex to stop i just quit cold turkey after rehabs and relapses. was a smart drug addict who never suffered more than a headache, pissy mood or lack of sleep as a withdrawal. was on 24mg of suboxone my first 4-5 days in treatment and i was almost higher than i was on the streets lol. i also member shooting subutex and that got me wrecked a few times.

No it doesn't rot your bones or your teeth (you have to brush them). I was addicted to heroin, oxycontin, meth and benzos. I tried recovery many times and after long periods of abstinence I would relapse. This time I'm getting older, 37 soon, and I got a beautiful 6 year old daughter and being on methadone has saved my ass big time. I have not used or drank or smoked bongs for a while now and the methadone has helped. I'm on a big dose so it can lower my natural test production but this is managed. Whatever gets you clean. Its all about behaviour and methadone helps me be a responsible, productive member of society. I know a lot of junkies that may be clean but their behavior is fucked. I'm also a big advocate for harm reduction policy and believe it saves lives.

 

[Whoremoans]

No it doesn't rot your bones or your teeth (you have to brush them). I was addicted to heroin, oxycontin, meth and benzos. I tried recovery many times and after long periods of abstinence I would relapse. This time I'm getting older, 37 soon, and I got a beautiful 6 year old daughter and being on methadone has saved my ass big time. I have not used or drank or smoked bongs for a while now and the methadone has helped. I'm on a big dose so it can lower my natural test production but this is managed. Whatever gets you clean. Its all about behaviour and methadone helps me be a responsible, productive member of society. I know a lot of junkies that may be clean but their behavior is fucked. I'm also a big advocate for harm reduction policy and believe it saves lives.

I hated drug replacement therapy. I did the suboxone thing for a while and it just didn't work out for me. Everybody is different but it definitely didn't improve my situation.

 

[SJB78]

Suboxone didnt work for me either. Its different for everyone. I had done 10 rehabs, countless detoxes, suboxone, abstinence and kept relapsing. I was living under a bridge with 20 other homeless men and got pneumonia and nearly died so I took up 'done. At first I was shooting the shit up in my groin every day coz I've lost all veins then I got an infection. Since then I just use it properly and things are great. If you can do it without that's awesome but for me its worked. I don't get stoned off it and by looking at me you wouldn't even know I was on it.

 

[Whoremoans]

Yeah my brother is on methadone and it seems to keep him straight.