Need some life advice

[BlindPanda]

I am new here but I read quality information from people that seem to have their heads screwed on and their lives together. I came here to turn to you guys to ask for advice. So here goes. The wife and I are together 7 years this March and we have a baby 6 months old.since Christmas we have been pretty much stuck in a rough patch that’s getting tougher. It’s at the point where I unfortunately think for the sake of.a healthy house hold we need to split up. The only problem is that if we split up and she takes the house I have no where and can’t afford a place alone and I don’t want to kick her out or ask her to go stay with her parents as she needs the house with the kid. I would appreciate any advice that you can affor. Thanks for your time.

 

[combover]

7 years relationship, 6 month old child, then the last 2 months have been rough so you're ready to dip?
I'm assuming there's more to the story...

 

[BlindPanda]

for the last few weeks it’s the same thing. Any time we interact it’s hostile and when I bring it up I’m told I’m wrong. She’s said stuff on multiple occasions and when I bring them up later when the situation has subsided it wasn’t said in the first place. Am I perhaps taking shit wrong?

 

[29trt]

there is too little info disclosed from your part, but have you taken into consideration that some women after childbirth have some sort of depression that can last up to 12 months?

 

[BlindPanda]

Yes we talked about this at the start of Christmas and she spoke to her doctor about it. I don’t want to be 100% open as there are some thing I’d rather leave off here for everybody to see. If you could PM or email me dude I would really appreciate it thank you for replying by the way

 

[JulianB]

Bro this sounds like Postpartum Depression. You and your wife are not the only ones with this Problem.
Go find a specialist for this.

Fuck man you have a child and he/she will suffer the most whether you stay together in this poison household whether you split -.-

 

[BlindPanda]

Do you mean a specialist for her or for relationships? I have thought of marriage councillors but fear it may come off the wrong way if I were to suggest it

 

[JulianB]

Do you mean a specialist for her or for relationships? I have thought of marriage councillors but fear it may come off the wrong way if I were to suggest it

I mean for her.

Postpartum depression is something that needs to be taken very seriously.
Many marriages and relationships are ruined by it, although it is only a temporary condition that can be managed.

 

[JulianB]

Also try to talk to her about it calmly.
It must be clear not only to you but to both of you what is going on.

 

[BlindPanda]

Thanks for your advice guys I really do appreciate you taking the time to help

 

[Norse13]

It is absolutely common for couples to have a rough patch after the child comes out. Other guys have already pointed out post partum depression. But things could affect you too, lack of sleep, feeling of lack of control of life, loss of personal space, less financially stable, wife not looking as great as she did 2 years ago before pregnancy, there's a whole medical catalog of how the man is affected too. For some, it feels like wife is no longer sexually attractive on a mental level, which is a very complex set of feelings, not just that she gained some fat.

I'd say to try to avoid or saying or doing things that you can't take back. If you start to boil over, don't say really deep horrible shit that will hurt her forever. And leaving her with a 6 month baby? Dude, that's a one-way move, you demonstrate that you can't take care of family, there is nothing you can ever do to recover from that and make her respect you and trust you again.

These are hard times, you need to acknowledge that it's tough, and then push through.

Maybe you can find a way to get some more personal space, can some parents help out a bit with babysitting, cleaning, cooking? Can you stay a night once in a while with your parents?

Can you pay for home cleaning service, get someone to come over a couple times a week for washing? Can you do more home delivery food?

 

[BlindPanda]

It is absolutely common for couples to have a rough patch after the child comes out. Other guys have already pointed out post partum depression. But things could affect you too, lack of sleep, feeling of lack of control of life, loss of personal space, less financially stable, wife not looking as great as she did 2 years ago before pregnancy, there's a whole medical catalog of how the man is affected too. For some, it feels like wife is no longer sexually attractive on a mental level, which is a very complex set of feelings, not just that she gained some fat.

I'd say to try to avoid or saying or doing things that you can't take back. If you start to boil over, don't say really deep horrible shit that will hurt her forever. And leaving her with a 6 month baby? Dude, that's a one-way move, you demonstrate that you can't take care of family, there is nothing you can ever do to recover from that and make her respect you and trust you again.

These are hard times, you need to acknowledge that it's tough, and then push through.

Maybe you can find a way to get some more personal space, can some parents help out a bit with babysitting, cleaning, cooking? Can you stay a night once in a while with your parents?

Can you pay for home cleaning service, get someone to come over a couple times a week for washing? Can you do more home delivery food?

thank you for this. This helped me a lot. Not the easiest of conversations we have had and not over yet but making a difference in our lives going forward. Thank you also to @JulianB and the other guys who input. I appreciate the community here and how helpful everyone is. Happy I found you guys

 

[Demondosage]

Don’t bounce, that’s what everyone does now. Work through it, I’m glad I didn’t take off on my family when things got a bit rough. The child is 6 months old, and you said “arguing the past few weeks”

That’s nothing!

 

[bornSkinny]

Are you running any gear right now?
Tren is notoriously known to strain relationships.

Doesn’t sound like you want to share all the details but I’d advise you to do whatever you can to stick it out and try to be in your child’s life.

I have three little kids now, we just had a birthday party for my youngest who turned one yesterday. I can tell you I pity every part time father who isn’t with his children all the time. They are missing out on possibly the best moments of their lives. My favorite conversations are with my five year old daughter. She’s incredible.

Its worth every effort to try to stick it out. If in the end it can’t work then so be it, but if I were you I’d make sure you really did everything possible to try to be there. Everything.

Good luck man.

 

[Smashshit]

Not to sound like a dick but life is hard and marriage is even harder. It takes work and anyone that says it doesn’t is lying to themselves and you. Every couple argues. Every couple goes through rough patches. The people who you see that have great marriages and last the test of time are the ones who face their problems and work through them like adults. There’s been plenty of times I considered walking away over my 20 year marriage and I’m damn glad I didn’t. Good luck op this too shall pass.

 

[shartking]

You have 7 years invested. Your wife is 6 months post partum. Step up your game. Bring home flowers. Cook dinner at least three times a week. Tell her she looks pretty every morning and kiss her forehead. Text her every day at noon to tell her you miss her. As soon as you walk through the door after work, give her a big hug and tell her it's nice to see her.

Check back in with us in 6 months.

 

[combover]

I've been unhappy for 15 years lol
my kid graduates in a few months, I'll consider freedom after that. But when I nutted up in baby mama and didn't make it to get plan b, I committed to that shit.

 

[Norse13]

You have 7 years invested. Your wife is 6 months post partum. Step up your game. Bring home flowers. Cook dinner at least three times a week. Tell her she looks pretty every morning and kiss her forehead. Text her every day at noon to tell her you miss her. As soon as you walk through the door after work, give her a big hug and tell her it's nice to see her.

Check back in with us in 6 months.

This is the way.

Flowers doesn't always have to be $1000 instagram bouquet of 100 red roses. I randomly pick up €10-25 flowers in the supermarket, there's always some orchids or small bouquet with a few roses and other flowers. You don't need to blow a month's rent. Just buy something that looks nice next time you go groceries, and tell her "I thought of you when I saw these". Simple but it works, pretty much every woman likes to have some flowers in the house. "Invest" in flowers every 3-4 weeks and you're golden.

Learning to de-escalate arguments is a hugely important relationship skill... now is a good time to practice. How to back out from arguments spiralling out of control.

 

[BlindPanda]

Thank you to all of you who have gave their advice. It’s helped me a shit tone. You’ve helped me put my head back on straight and think clearly again. I really do appreciate it. Sense of community on here is pretty awesome!

 

[Demondosage]

As long as she doesn’t weaponize pussy, once they weaponize pussy there is no more sticking around!