Permanent insomnia - Need help

I feel like I have had it permanent insomnia since 17, I remember that's when I started doing really badly in school. I also started becoming irritable at this age whereas I was a kind child before.

Age 19-21 I had the sweetest girlfriend in the world but on sleepless nights I would get angry with her and start fights for no reason. She broke up with me.

Flew through university not achieving much but I got my degree. Age 23 got my first real job, missed important meetings several times and coworkers would tell me to my face they were concerned about me dozing off.

Got diagnosed with ADHD at 25 and started taking Vyvanse. Vyvanse is a drug where if you don't have your sleep dialed in 100.0% you should never take it. It makes everything so much worse but if you're "dialed in" it genuinely is amazing.

Age 26 (this year) I ended up getting fired from my job that I was a star employee at until March because the sleep debt just accumulated and people IRL could notice me decaying week by week.

Throughout all these events I never realized at the time how much of an insomniac I was until now looking back it was so obvious. I don't have sleep apnea btw.

In the past 5 months I started AAS use, testosterone I would estimate made my sleep 10% worse but that could just be from weight gain. Playing around with AI dosing and upping the T/lowering it has not made a difference.

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I haven't taken Vyvanse or caffeine for the past week and have been on 200 mg ModAlert for the past 7 days and 2-4 mg eszopiclone (Hypnite) since 3 nights ago.

When I wake up at night which I usually do I take the second 2mg pill. Surprisingly I have not woken up groggy because of that which could be 200 mg Modafinil (ModAlert).

First night on 2mg I did get a nice 9 hours of actual sleep, interrupted only once to pee. Got 1.33 hours of REM that night which is like 3x more than I was getting without it.

That day I felt so much more awake. But I didn't feel fully "healed" if that makes sense. But it was this feeling like "Damn, I actually might have a shot at having normal energy levels some day".

It feels like real actual sleep, not the temporary placebo BS I used to get from magnesium, melatonin, GABA and all the other junk. Maybe Z-drugs are worth a shot.
 
I feel like I have had it permanent insomnia since 17, I remember that's when I started doing really badly in school. I also started becoming irritable at this age whereas I was a kind child before.

Age 19-21 I had the sweetest girlfriend in the world but on sleepless nights I would get angry with her and start fights for no reason. She broke up with me.

Flew through university not achieving much but I got my degree. Age 23 got my first real job, missed important meetings several times and coworkers would tell me to my face they were concerned about me dozing off.

Got diagnosed with ADHD at 25 and started taking Vyvanse. Vyvanse is a drug where if you don't have your sleep dialed in 100.0% you should never take it. It makes everything so much worse but if you're "dialed in" it genuinely is amazing.

Age 26 (this year) I ended up getting fired from my job that I was a star employee at until March because the sleep debt just accumulated and people IRL could notice me decaying week by week.

Throughout all these events I never realized at the time how much of an insomniac I was until now looking back it was so obvious. I don't have sleep apnea btw.

In the past 5 months I started AAS use, testosterone I would estimate made my sleep 10% worse but that could just be from weight gain. Playing around with AI dosing and upping the T/lowering it has not made a difference.

---

I haven't taken Vyvanse or caffeine for the past week and have been on 200 mg ModAlert for the past 7 days and 2-4 mg eszopiclone (Hypnite) since 3 nights ago.

When I wake up at night which I usually do I take the second 2mg pill. Surprisingly I have not woken up groggy because of that which could be 200 mg Modafinil (ModAlert).

First night on 2mg I did get a nice 9 hours of actual sleep, interrupted only once to pee. Got 1.33 hours of REM that night which is like 3x more than I was getting without it.

That day I felt so much more awake. But I didn't feel fully "healed" if that makes sense. But it was this feeling like "Damn, I actually might have a shot at having normal energy levels some day".

It feels like real actual sleep, not the temporary placebo BS I used to get from magnesium, melatonin, GABA and all the other junk. Maybe Z-drugs are worth a shot.

You may want to add Zaleplon to your arsenal. It's very strong but the most rapid onset, shortest acting of the "Z" drugs, and ideal for middle of the night wake ups. The US military uses Zaleplon as the anti-Modafinil, a "No-go pill" for fighter pilots and special forces to get sleep when needed, without any grogginess upon waking, as long as it's 1 hour or more. India pharma sells it as "Hyplon". A bonus is that it doesn't build tolerance like Zopi and Eszopi.
 
Been using a sleep aid for 30 years. I can only use the same sleep aid 2 days in a row. If I try the same sleep aid a third night I won’t sleep for shit.

What I found best is to rotate them frequently. For example, Monday night I took unisom 1.5 hours before bed. Tuesday was Ambien. Tonight will be trazadone. Then Unisom again followed by Mirtazepine.

Just ordered Some zoplicone to add to the rotation.

Falling asleep has never been my issue. Staying asleep is another story.
 
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