Serious help needed.

[Th3K1d93]

Background info: So, i'm not looking for comments on how fucking idiotic i was, i know how stupid i lived when younger. I'm trying desperately to reverse decade+ pof severe damage from addiction and other less than healthy habits. I also was a total gym rat when younger and ran a few moderate cycles back at 21-25ish. Lots of masteron, test, and sarms specifically. Winstrol and anavar a couple blasts. Not a ton by any means, but a fair amount. maybe 50 weeks total under my belt of lower end blast level dosing.

I was also a pretty severe opioid and cocaine addict though as well. I stayed on a TRT level test from the age of 20, until finally coming to terms that enough was enough with any and all substances, test included a few months back as well (just about 29 at that point)

Basically, my physical health is beyond shit, I just got a new liver and 2 new heart valves 5 months ago, hence why i stopped testosterone too. Im still not out of the woods health wise. I killed myself using substances pretty much, and now since getting sober almost 3 years ago when my daughter was born, i only desperately want to live now. Sick fucking joke i played on myself.

ANYWAYS, my question -

Now that i've been off bi weekly cypionate pins for 5 months now, and gaining a bit of health back. I want to run clomid and tamoxifen now alone with the pantheon of natural boosters like Piana's Post Gear product line. I do have to be careful with any kind of drug toxicity though with the semi-fragile state of the rest of my body still.

Do i have any hope of kicking natural production back on after 7 years of heavy hormone use? Will Clomid/tamoxifen/Post gear be enough, or do i NEED HCG to have any chance of normal sized balls and sex drive again?

Seriously, if anyone can help me restoring some natural function to my body, i'd be beyond appreciative. I'm only 29 and feel like an 80 year old man. I know i was a fucking moron at this point, and dont need that reafirmed. Addiction is WILD what it allows us to put ourselves through.

 

[Th3K1d93]

Worst case scenario, i can do to my Endo and be put back on TRT for life. But I really, REALLY would like to just be a normal fucking human for awhile, and maybe approach TRT again when I'm in the mid 50's like i should have waited for in the first damn place.

I don't want the needles around anymore, i don't want to risk my health again for anything. Coming this close to death has been terrifying and VERY MUCH reaffirming for wanting to live. I can't believe how reckless i was with my life and health now at this point facing the possibility of it being over way too soon.

 

[RunTrenFcukTens]

Why not get advice from a medical professional like your endo on your current situation instead of coming on here? I feel like you will either have to be on clomid or hCG for the rest of your life if not on TRT. Especially with being shut down for 9 years.

 

[M@NU]

Worst case scenario, i can do to my Endo and be put back on TRT for life. But I really, REALLY would like to just be a normal fucking human for awhile, and maybe approach TRT again when I'm in the mid 50's like i should have waited for in the first damn place.

I don't want the needles around anymore, i don't want to risk my health again for anything. Coming this close to death has been terrifying and VERY MUCH reaffirming for wanting to live. I can't believe how reckless i was with my life and health now at this point facing the possibility of it being over way too soon.

if you use trt as it should be used it is healthier for your cardiovascular system and your body than being hypogonad.
REAL trt is around 60-80mg weekly for most people. Not the 200-300mg we read on the boards

 

[lukiss96]

Sounds like you need psychological help more than anything. You need more serious help than this forum can offer.

 

[Th3K1d93]

Sounds like you need psychological help more than anything. You need more serious help than this forum can offer.

I appreciate the tip, already there. They kinda plug you up with those things quick when dealing with end stage organ failure.


But if it's the choice between putting one last bit of additional stress on my body to continue to remain with stuff not in my system, or pumping test into my body the rest of my life, i think i'd rather chance it to live totally free finally than continuing to live with a chemical handicap.

If your comment about mental help was because i come off a bit manic and desperate in the post, it because i am about it at this point. I'd go to pretty drastic lengths at this point to achieve some semblance of normality after this 5 months of feeling like I'm completely void of all motivation and drive. I haven't been able to even get off since stopping the testosterone.

 

[Th3K1d93]

if you use trt as it should be used it is healthier for your cardiovascular system and your body than being hypogonad.
REAL trt is around 60-80mg weekly for most people. Not the 200-300mg we read on the boards

Unfortunately, I dosed at 140-250mg/wk that entire time.

If i have to go back to TRT for life, i guess i'll have to. I just really, seriously don't want to.

I've had enough muscle infections from injection use of substances. I never did from hormone use, but I'm terrified of the end result of hypodermic needle use after the damage the needles i used for other substances caused to my body. I've had chunks of muscle, a finger, and pieces of bone removed from the same systemic infection that destroyed my heart valves because I was an idiot with injection technique.

 

[Th3K1d93]

Again, I'm sure i'll catch a lot more flak, i really don't care. I just want to be healthy again, not stick foreign bodies under my skin anymore, and not risk androgel with being a single dad to a 3 year old girl. If i have to announce my previous total moronic deathwish of a life to the world for that to happen, that's the cheapest consequence I've paid my entire life then and I'm fine with it.

 

[CaliforniaHGH]

How do you know your test levels are low? You should get them tested. It might be the case that your test is back within normal range but you are feeling depression, weakness, etc, because years of drug abuse have caused a chemical imbalance in your brain.

As a point of encouragement, I do believe you can restore healthy, normal levels of testosterone production again naturally, regardless of wherever your test levels may be at now. Your testicles will never be the size they used to be (not unless you do "ball pumping" exercises for years), but there have been guys who have come off of years of steroid abuse and eventually recovered natural test production afterwards.

As to your question about HCG, it may or may not be necessary. With your history I do understand the desire to stay away from needles. My advice would be take this one step at a time. First determine your current test levels, then go from there. It might be the case that HCG is necessary if your test levels are still low.

William Lewellyn has a good write up about the use of HCG and SERMS etc during PCT in his "Anabolics." You can find it free online if you check.

 

[klokke23]

Good on you for maturing out of such a lifestyle.
Just want to add that not all TRT has to put you in higher ranges resulting in increased hematocrit values, etc. What about mid level TRT?
Idk. PM @Type-IIx and see what he thinks. Maybe you have to pay him for a consultation. It may be worth it if you've already gone through this with medical professionals.

 

[Pineapples4Puss]

Don’t talk to anyone here about anything to do with this.

Go to a doctor. You have a new liver and heart valves.

Your immunocompromised and this is above anyone’s pay grade here.

 

[BawlsDeep]

How exactly did you qualify for a liver transplant? Here in the states, someone in your condition wouldnt have a snowballs chance in hell of getting a new liver. Where are you from?

Best of luck w your recovery

 

[Night_Owl]

Don't worry about catching flak man, at least you're trying to better yourself.

That said, I agree with @Pineapples4Puss for the most part, the vast majority of us won't know the details of your medical situation or anything about liver transplants for that matter.

You might be able to get some general ideas though. What specific symptoms are you dealing with that make you feel like an 80 year old? Fatigue or pain?

 

[Mr350mg2]

You are already on borrowed time. Organs can be replaced but they cannot be perfectly replicated. At some point int the next 10-15 years 15 if you live extremely healthily those transplants will need to be replaced again. My advice would be to not even bother injecting yourself with anything ever again and talk to a doctor about this.

 

[kosp]

Omg what a case, how exactly did you hurt your heart valves?

After that much time being ON, you will need to PCT for years, PCT drugs are nasty and I am afraid you are not in condition to do megadoses of those drugs for years.

Anyway, after your medical procedures, your doctors have to be aware of anything that you take, so it's not a good idea at all to do a massive PCT on your own...

 

[Inspired]

Can you provide more information on your heart valves and liver? At 29 years old, yeah, you probably can recover your natural production. It may take a little bit, but you have to have patience.

But you have a whole lot of other things to learn now.......what are you doing to protect your new parts?

 

[Logan44551]

Omg what a case, how exactly did you hurt your heart valves?

After that much time being ON, you will need to PCT for years, PCT drugs are nasty and I am afraid you are not in condition to do megadoses of those drugs for years.

Anyway, after your medical procedures, your doctors have to be aware of anything that you take, so it's not a good idea at all to do a massive PCT on your own...

I'm guessing a complication from shooting dope. Can lead to infections and fuck up your heart.

 

[Gigantic]

Everyone of sound mind encouraged you to see a doctor. Tamoxifen is slightly liver toxic, but I had great success with clomid. Ask the doctor to prescribe it for you if they think you need it.

 

[Inspired]

Everyone of sound mind encouraged you to see a doctor. Tamoxifen is slightly liver toxic, but I had great success with clomid. Ask the doctor to prescribe it for you if they think you need it.

Can you tell me more about your clomid monotherapy? Dose, schedule, length of use, and how you felt?

 

[1tank1]

but I had great success with clomid.

Clomid isn't a med this guy should even think about using based on his history with drugs.