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Trump Timeline ... Trumpocalypse
- Thread starter CdnGuy
- Start date
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the House
Republicans were scurrying, to protect the Big Louse;
Manila envelopes were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that indictments soon would be there;
Democrats were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of grand juries danced in their heads;
And Pelosi in her 'kerchief, and Schumer in his cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When at Mar-A-Lago there arose such a clatter,
Secret Service sprang from their beds to see what's the matter.
Away to the window they flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the distant 9th hole
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an FBI van, with agents in the rear,
With a little old driver, so lively and clever,
I knew in a moment it must be Bob Mueller!
More rapid than roaches his targets they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, MANAFORT! now, GATES! now, PAPADOPOULOS and FLYNN!
On, KUSHNER! on SESSIONS! on, DON JR. and BANNON!
To the interview table! To the halls of the SCIF!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the traitors they flew,
With the sleigh full of evidence, and guilty pleas too!
And then, in a twinkling, I heard a buzz on my phone
The beeping notification came with a warm tone
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down my screen the tweets came in with a bound.
@realdonaldtrump, from his head to his thumb,
Spewed forth such nonsense, so utterly dumb
And his face was red with rage and spittle;
A string of insults directed toward the FBI,
Left his lawyers all shouting, WHY, DONALD, WHY?
His eyes -- how they flashed! His orange tan, how scary!
His cheeks were like a hamster's, his nose like a cherry!
His troll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the gobbler on his chin hung down rather low ;
The polident barely held tight his fake teeth,
The toupee encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and an expanding round belly,
That shook, when he golfed, like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right racist old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
An emptiness in his eyes and the nothing in his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a true word, but mountains of lies,
Filled his donor's stockings; then turned like a jerk,
And laying his finger on his smartphone,
He sent out some tweets, a Twitter cyclone;
Each one incriminating, an act of obstruction,
And away they all flew, a great self destruction!
But I heard him exclaim, ere I drove out of sight,
IT WAS ALL A HOAX, I WON THE ELECTION OUTRIGHT!
Justin Hendrix (@justinhendrix) | Twitter
Republicans were scurrying, to protect the Big Louse;
Manila envelopes were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that indictments soon would be there;
Democrats were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of grand juries danced in their heads;
And Pelosi in her 'kerchief, and Schumer in his cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When at Mar-A-Lago there arose such a clatter,
Secret Service sprang from their beds to see what's the matter.
Away to the window they flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the distant 9th hole
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an FBI van, with agents in the rear,
With a little old driver, so lively and clever,
I knew in a moment it must be Bob Mueller!
More rapid than roaches his targets they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, MANAFORT! now, GATES! now, PAPADOPOULOS and FLYNN!
On, KUSHNER! on SESSIONS! on, DON JR. and BANNON!
To the interview table! To the halls of the SCIF!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the traitors they flew,
With the sleigh full of evidence, and guilty pleas too!
And then, in a twinkling, I heard a buzz on my phone
The beeping notification came with a warm tone
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down my screen the tweets came in with a bound.
@realdonaldtrump, from his head to his thumb,
Spewed forth such nonsense, so utterly dumb
And his face was red with rage and spittle;
A string of insults directed toward the FBI,
Left his lawyers all shouting, WHY, DONALD, WHY?
His eyes -- how they flashed! His orange tan, how scary!
His cheeks were like a hamster's, his nose like a cherry!
His troll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the gobbler on his chin hung down rather low ;
The polident barely held tight his fake teeth,
The toupee encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and an expanding round belly,
That shook, when he golfed, like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right racist old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
An emptiness in his eyes and the nothing in his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a true word, but mountains of lies,
Filled his donor's stockings; then turned like a jerk,
And laying his finger on his smartphone,
He sent out some tweets, a Twitter cyclone;
Each one incriminating, an act of obstruction,
And away they all flew, a great self destruction!
But I heard him exclaim, ere I drove out of sight,
IT WAS ALL A HOAX, I WON THE ELECTION OUTRIGHT!
Justin Hendrix (@justinhendrix) | Twitter
Twas the night before Christmas, when through the White House
Not a Kushner was resting, not even his spouse;
The documents were hung by the shredder with care,
In fears that Bob Mueller soon would be there; 1/14
The staffers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of subpoenas danced in their heads;
And Melania in her babushka, and Trump in his cap,
Flew to Mar-a-Lago for a long winter's nap, 2/14
When on the TV there remained such a matter,
There was Brennan, Podesta and man named Jim Clapper.
With bribes fresh in hand, they flew like the flash,
The greedy corporations did suck up the cash. 3/14
The Congress rejoiced the records will show
Feigned promises of riches to the peasants below,
When, what to amazement FoxNews should appear,
Took aim at Bob Mueller, with permission to smear, 4/14
With disinfo flying, so rapid and thick,
I knew in a moment it must be Bolshevik.
More rapid than vultures his hackers they came,
And they posted and trolled, as they sought to defame; 5/14
"Now, Fancy! now, Cozy! now, Seaduke and BlackEnergy!
On, Havex! on Sandworm! on, Skipper and CrouchingYeti!
To the DNC server! Past the paper's firewall!
Now exfiltrate, exfiltrate, exfiltrate all!" 6/14
Then the Kremlin called Julian, their reliable guy,
To leak to the world, the docs that they plied,
And the Stone who was named Roger bragged on it too,
With the dirty tricks methods that Vladi knew. 7/14
And they carried on lying that there was never the proof,
They fogged and distracted and acted aloof.
But their plan would unravel, spin wild to the ground,
And the FBI went digging and looking all around. 8/14
Then came the big man, he was Special Counsel to be,
And he hired top lawyers, and then empaneled grand jury;
There were interviews and hearings, this man would not slack,
And he pressed forward justly, with a determined knack. 9/14
His eyes were like eagles, they missed not a thing,
His presence was heavy, his targets would sing!
His sleuthing was famous, if you must know,
And his integrity was solid, like the ground below; 10/14
The facts that were surfaced he held tight in his teeth,
And as he dug for truth morsels that were buried beneath;
He was focused on the crooked, the wretched and smelly,
They did shake full of fear as we watched on the tele. 11/14
He questioned each of them from the son to the elf,
And I rejoiced at the justice, then I thought to myself;
Under orange little man with weird hair on his head,
The great justice of America was certainly not dead,
12/14
He did push and did pull but it just would not work,
And did hit Twitter daily, to act like a jerk,
And he threw little tizzy fits, like a toddler in chief,
But we saw he was crooked, though no ordinary thief; 13/14
Though it took time, and labor we could would no longer bristle,
As we finally saw Congress call for his dismissal.
And as justice was served, he was hauled out of sight,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT! 14/14
Chris Sampson (@TAPSTRIMEDIA) | Twitter
Not a Kushner was resting, not even his spouse;
The documents were hung by the shredder with care,
In fears that Bob Mueller soon would be there; 1/14
The staffers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of subpoenas danced in their heads;
And Melania in her babushka, and Trump in his cap,
Flew to Mar-a-Lago for a long winter's nap, 2/14
When on the TV there remained such a matter,
There was Brennan, Podesta and man named Jim Clapper.
With bribes fresh in hand, they flew like the flash,
The greedy corporations did suck up the cash. 3/14
The Congress rejoiced the records will show
Feigned promises of riches to the peasants below,
When, what to amazement FoxNews should appear,
Took aim at Bob Mueller, with permission to smear, 4/14
With disinfo flying, so rapid and thick,
I knew in a moment it must be Bolshevik.
More rapid than vultures his hackers they came,
And they posted and trolled, as they sought to defame; 5/14
"Now, Fancy! now, Cozy! now, Seaduke and BlackEnergy!
On, Havex! on Sandworm! on, Skipper and CrouchingYeti!
To the DNC server! Past the paper's firewall!
Now exfiltrate, exfiltrate, exfiltrate all!" 6/14
Then the Kremlin called Julian, their reliable guy,
To leak to the world, the docs that they plied,
And the Stone who was named Roger bragged on it too,
With the dirty tricks methods that Vladi knew. 7/14
And they carried on lying that there was never the proof,
They fogged and distracted and acted aloof.
But their plan would unravel, spin wild to the ground,
And the FBI went digging and looking all around. 8/14
Then came the big man, he was Special Counsel to be,
And he hired top lawyers, and then empaneled grand jury;
There were interviews and hearings, this man would not slack,
And he pressed forward justly, with a determined knack. 9/14
His eyes were like eagles, they missed not a thing,
His presence was heavy, his targets would sing!
His sleuthing was famous, if you must know,
And his integrity was solid, like the ground below; 10/14
The facts that were surfaced he held tight in his teeth,
And as he dug for truth morsels that were buried beneath;
He was focused on the crooked, the wretched and smelly,
They did shake full of fear as we watched on the tele. 11/14
He questioned each of them from the son to the elf,
And I rejoiced at the justice, then I thought to myself;
Under orange little man with weird hair on his head,
The great justice of America was certainly not dead,
12/14
He did push and did pull but it just would not work,
And did hit Twitter daily, to act like a jerk,
And he threw little tizzy fits, like a toddler in chief,
But we saw he was crooked, though no ordinary thief; 13/14
Though it took time, and labor we could would no longer bristle,
As we finally saw Congress call for his dismissal.
And as justice was served, he was hauled out of sight,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT! 14/14
Chris Sampson (@TAPSTRIMEDIA) | Twitter
[The PRC has taken the very unusual step of announcing that they would come to the aid of the DPRK if the US attacked first, but would stay neutral if the DPRK attacked first. I suspect that the PRC meant what they said and said what they meant, so we had better believe them. There is no way that any "limited strike" can stay limited, unless it is in response to a DPRK attack.]
A notable tweet from Trump’s pick for Ambassador to South Korea.
Limited Strikes on North Korea Are Past Due | U.S. Naval Institute
https://www.usni.org/magazines/proceedings/2017-12/limited-strikes-north-korea-are-past-due
Trump Picks Korea Expert as Ambassador to Seoul
Trump Picks Korea Expert as Ambassador to Seoul
SEOUL—The Trump administration will nominate as ambassador to Seoul a prominent Korea expert who favors a tough line on Pyongyang, filling a yearlong vacancy at the front lines of President Donald Trump’s biggest foreign-policy challenge.
The appointment of Victor Cha, a Georgetown University professor who served in the George W. Bush White House, would bring a well-established Korea hand with a hawkish reputation to Seoul at a time of concern in South Korea about Mr. Trump’s assertive approach to dealing with Pyongyang’s weapons program.
The U.S. has formally notified South Korea that it intends to nominate Mr. Cha, and, depending on the diplomatic and congressional approval process, he could be in place in time for the Winter Olympics in South Korea in February, according to people familiar with the matter. Mr. Cha didn’t reply to a request for comment.
A notable tweet from Trump’s pick for Ambassador to South Korea.
Limited Strikes on North Korea Are Past Due | U.S. Naval Institute
https://www.usni.org/magazines/proceedings/2017-12/limited-strikes-north-korea-are-past-due
Trump Picks Korea Expert as Ambassador to Seoul
Trump Picks Korea Expert as Ambassador to Seoul
SEOUL—The Trump administration will nominate as ambassador to Seoul a prominent Korea expert who favors a tough line on Pyongyang, filling a yearlong vacancy at the front lines of President Donald Trump’s biggest foreign-policy challenge.
The appointment of Victor Cha, a Georgetown University professor who served in the George W. Bush White House, would bring a well-established Korea hand with a hawkish reputation to Seoul at a time of concern in South Korea about Mr. Trump’s assertive approach to dealing with Pyongyang’s weapons program.
The U.S. has formally notified South Korea that it intends to nominate Mr. Cha, and, depending on the diplomatic and congressional approval process, he could be in place in time for the Winter Olympics in South Korea in February, according to people familiar with the matter. Mr. Cha didn’t reply to a request for comment.
Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin received a literally shitty present last night when a Los Angeles Department bomb squad responded to a suspicious package addressed to the real-life Bond villain. Turns out the only thing explosive about the package was its stench, as it was filled to the brim with horse poop. Merry Christmas!
According to KTLA, the Christmas paper-wrapped package showed up on Mnuchin’s block in Bel Air with a return address of “the American people.” Inside the present, police also discovered a Christmas card, which was presumably covered in feces. While the card’s exact words have not yet been disclosed, New York Post reports that it made negative references to Donald Trump, Mnuchin himself, and the Republican tax bill.
After police determined that the package contained poop, not a bomb, it was swiftly removed from the scene. This post will be updated as police release additional information.
