What? Why were you a dick? If you can't handle a diet, I hate to see what happens to you if you get on AAS and have to be even more strict with your training/nutrition to get results.
Eat six smaller meals a day, 3-3.5 hours apart. Combine equal portions of protein and certain carbs. Research carb cycling. That's what you want to do. If you exclude carbs, you'll force catabolism and eat away at your muscles. Also, a healthy diet includes fats. I wouldn't be trying to avoid fats if you're still trying to gain mass. I wouldn't even avoid them if you're dieting. Your body needs them. Keep it moderate and you'll be fine.
Healthy weight loss is between 2-3lbs a week. If your expectations are any higher you need to do more research.