@Burrr, I made a post the other day expressing my being pleased to see you? I've decided to take a different approach in life and online in regards to interpersonal skills. In short, I'm gonna tone it down a bit.
I believe if it wasn't for my admittedly, at times over the top remarks, we would have gotten on better.
I've always admired your self control and respected your contributions to our board.
It's not an excuse but I'm an emotional fellow. I'm prone to outbusts online and out in the world. I've been saddled with impulse control issues for as long as I can remember.
I've always read people well and I'd say 9 times out of 10(fine...closer to 80%!) my instincts are correct. With you, my gut tells me you're a decent guy who's on the ball.
I don't feel as though I've taken this thread hostage. Seeing all the guys posting above has brought forth an all encompassing nostalgia from within.
I spent the day with my youngest son and his beautiful girlfriend(I was very impressed). He treated his old man to sushi and a matinee viewing of "The Purge". We talked of the past and of hopes for the future.
We(my family) could have done without these reunions. The extreme ups and downs. The lost months and years. I've met so many regular guys who were simply careless and neglected to take even the most basic precautions to protect themselves in online and out in the world situations. I can spot them a mile away. Deer in the headlights expression. Their regret is obvious and their pain and longing to go back and do things differently tortures them as all their dignity is taken away by strip searches, being shackled and led through the sewers that is our prison system, and not being able to fix and change the predicament they find themselves in. When I see a guy like this, human nature would seem to call for sympathy and the desire to comfort. I sense weekness and keep tabs on him. I watch how many times he uses the phone. I listen for his name at court call an inordinate number of times. We know when guys are meeting with their attorney and their prosecutor. We call our people with the names of these men.
The guys who have been in my/our situation won't tolerate being in the presence of an informant. They want to get back to their children. What about me? You didn't tell on me, but you may as well have. I'm gonna get at you like you snatched me off the street. We're going to get you. There's nowhere to hide in prison. PC up, you can take a deep breath when you're locked in your cell. Be ready when you get to take the 2 showers your entitled to each week. Everyone knows your business.
One day you've got it all. Wife, kids, or whatever your version of the good life is. The next you're not going to see your daughter's wedding. You're not going to be able to bury your mother. Your not able to comfort your children...tough to swallow the fact that you're the source of their anguish. You receive a letter from your 9yr old daughter asking when your coming home because she's hungry and mommy has been gone for 2 days. The milk and cereal are gone. You wanna know what helpless feels like?
I have 3 family members that did Fed time and were then deported. Some guys have nobody to tell on. Some of them(probably the same 80% estimate brutus threw up) would inform if given the chance. We operate on facts..not what ifs.
I consider myself a bit off.....or detached at this point. My first year down there were situations where I was so fucking afraid that I was moved to violence out of the sheer desire to survive. When the fear is replaced by a shrug as if to say "shit happens" or when a surge of adrenaline and blind rage overcomes you when finding out an informant or sex offender(there's no difference) is trying to blend in has you attempting to lure the individual far enough away where his cries for help are the least likely to be heard by unsympathetic co's, you're not the same person you were.
The federal system has grown from approximately 60,000 inmates 15 yrs ago to close to 300,000 today. Computer crimes have played a major role in the dramatic increase. That's us..you and me.
I've got a 22 yr old daughter with Daddy issues and a drug problem. I get a text this morning from her at 530 telling me an H dealer is offering her dope and forwards me a text from him promising all shit she can do while complimenting her on her body parts and expressing his desire to be with her sexually.
She and I should be having lunch talking about what classes she's going to take in the Fall?
You want more reasons to use caution? I got plenty more.
