addiction is one of those things, it's either in you or not.
I was an everyday smoker. not like I had a ton of money, either. maybe spark an L in the morning, clip it, go to work, come home, finish it, go to sleep do it again.
that's paraphrasing, between all that was obviously a lot of binge eating, buying weed, and if my sources were dry, looking for weed.
weekends came, since I was the only one amongst my pothead friends to have his own place, ciphers were always at my place. I remember some big ass ciphers, where the blunt to people ratio was way off, maybe 15 people to 13 blunts. there were no fucking breaks! just when you passed it to the left, another came from the right.
really good times, honestly, being amongst friends, smoking, eating, laughing, philosophizing. such good times, i didnt realize that I was falling into the same routine. it was the same shit week after week after week. we realized, after awhile that we have to get out, do shit. but, shit wasn't fun unless we were smoking. food didn't taste as good unless I smoked. jokes weren't as funny, women not as sexy, and so on.
this took place for years. I'm not religious, never baptized , never did a communion, or whatever it's called. I'm a spiritual guy, don't get me wrong. but, it's more internal and personal. but, any little bit of religion I was taught, was Catholic. one year, on ash Wednesday, "philosophizing", I thought any man can not eat meat on Fridays until easter. but, I mean I held weed in such high, pun intended, regards i thought, man I should give up weed for lent.
I didnt know why youre not supposed to eat meat during lent, I still don't, but I thought it'd be more righteous to give up my sacred herb, as a vow between me and God, for 40 days or however long lent is. so I did.
that first day must've been the first time I went without smoking in maybe 10 years. I didn't realize, then, how addicted I was. not like I had shakes or anything, but I was irritable and short tempered. miserable, is probably the best way to describe it. but after 1 day it was like shit, nothing can stop me now.
I made it all the way to easter without smoking. Easter came, and I just said, fuck let's see how long I can go. it's been almost 10 years, I forget exactly how long, those huge ass break less ciphers probably did it, more for lack of oxygen than the weed, but my memory sure isn't what it used to be. but I am older.
the will, the discipline I developed, from not smoking weed, it carried over to my fitness. I started working out, I started eating right, I started studying fitness, studying nutrition, almost obsessively.
I see, today, all these states now legalizing weed. I ask myself, what if it became totally legal, for recreational use. would I ever smoke again?
I like the person I became so much after I quit, that, even though i think weed is beneficial, and harmless, just the bees knees. honestly, I'll never smoke weed again.