So this separation and path to divorce really appears real this time. TALK ABOUT SOME DARK MOMENTS.... Its been 3-4 weeks since I have spoken with or seen the wife and kids - NOR am I legally allowed to at this time
.
So we have done the dance time and time again. Really BOTH of us just dissatisfied with life in general I believe - and back to our old pre-marriage MO's it would appear.
I don't know how rare it really is, but I believe this will be a marriage that ends without proximate physical adultery. When I say proximate only meaning I determined the bitch cheated back in 2007, but only years later in marriage. The funny thing is watching her hold the lie. It really eats her up as this one can't stand not to tell the truth. Make no mistake, she can like with the best of them, but only if she does not have to interact with the person on a personal or daily basis. She is so averse to keeping a secret, that I have even seen her ask permission to do wrong in strange ways, only hinting to the proposed action she was planning. Its really pathetic and just exemplary of the childish behavior that governs most women. But anyways, I gave her years of chance to fess up ranging from screaming in her face, to presenting "consider you are going to eventually be divorced for this, so pretend we are dating again and open, and let her rip SO WE CAN SEE WHAT HAPPENS.. But NOPE.. And make no mistake that all of my attempts to get her to give in a tell were calculated and controlled stimulus attempting to effect the admission.
FURTHER - MAKE NO MISTAKE - I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT THE INFIDELITY, but its the fucking DISRESPECT of the LYING that Pisses me off.!!!!
Make no mistake I KNOW that a woman does not make a move without a plan or a prospect. So TIME will TELL. I would really not be surprised by anything, and based on experience hearing stories of other folks relationships. TRUTHFULLY, for all I know, she has secret account through which she has been communicating with some strange lover for years, and everything is preplanned. I just felt it was not worth trying to worry or track it after I gave the trust in marriage. Which was the right path. To worry these lines, even based on more than a hunch is wasteful at best. I figure if you got to "track yur pussy" then whats the point - Right? Everybody thinks and looks. NOTHING COUNTS till they act..
STILL At the same time and on that last note. She has been "emotionally cheating" on me for many years and rubbing it in my face with quotes like "you dont give me what I need", and then further insulting injury by accusing me a remaining in the past when it was the last thing she uttered in just the last fight a month ago[
)]. LOL fucking retards they are. Selfish and childish. She knew she was challenging the very fundamentals of my MANHOOD and intentionally testing. And its the "Kobiashi-Maroo" of the relationship for men. As they bait you to care enough about the relationship that the WANT you to cowtail down and kiss their asses begging for attention and forgiveness, WHEN AT THE SAME TIME, the moment you failed to be the man that laughed at these type statements and replied and less than "whatever, you are full of shit, and if you think you can do better then hit the road" - she would have no respect. As the bottom line is that Folks only what what they have not already obtained, or appears unobtainable to them.
From the male standpoint it appears that the ONLY way to have any "loyalty" from a woman in a relationship is have the $$ to keep them in caviar. Still they will look, and perhaps even take a few test drives along the way to AFFIRM you are the "best pick" they could make, or simply to know "they could have the other if they wanted". While all along just NOT WORRYING ABOUT IT and let the chips fall where they may. Which is what my philosophy has become. Flat out folks with "cheat" on each other physically or emotionally. Its going to happen as basic human psychology. I do feel women are worse as they are constantly in need of "Resource for survival instinct" and want to sit up on the fence diversifying their options for wealth and protection - so FINE. From the man's standpoint he better have the capacity to provide these things to be competitive in the market, and at the same time just do what men do which should really be satisfy their needs to make them happy on the side. One of my failures was never to do this, and do to our parents divorces adultery related. So its also the reason I press now to get out, as I feel like things have been unfair as I have been satisfied if she could have just even PRETENDED a little better the same.
*** At the same time and to all those guys out there that don't have, or have not yet obtained the assets to attract women fundamentally, and especially those that are older and can get down from time to time feeling shitty about this. WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. Thats the no brainer. The "ENTICEMENT BAIT" for them is lipstick, face (war)paint, shiny bait and tackle strung from ears, necks, and even belly buttons these days. The makeup making their flaws hidden and jewelry distracting to other areas of interest. (
ever note the placement of these objects is to lure your eyes to the soft spots you might like to physically touch and taste...!!!) They don't leave the house without being NEAT and PRESENTING always. Shoes to attract to feet, stretch calves out deliciously, or even make them taller. And DONT FORGET THE PERFUME. Never a moment without an ATTRACTIVE SCENT. So they are all one big walking LIE, and MORE IMPORTANTLY - we know what they are after ($$). Really, its a no brainer. Even guys that are not that good looking in whatever current social views are held can overcome this with the presentation of $ucce$$. EVERY TIME...!
So WE don't really need all that stuff - ALWAYS....:
1.
Our hunt is LUXURY BASED and NOT Survival based like theirs. Women are the ones hoping to catch a provider. WE DECIDE
WHEN we want to put our hook in the water. When to dress up. Frankly - When we want to bust one...! So just the same as they are always on the lookout for the better grass on the other side of the fence, ITS A CURSE, NOT A LUXURY. Their game must always be on as they can't afford to miss a single opportunity considering that fundamentally they would starve to death or be eaten by the lions if they went for a moment without "protection".
2. Get this through men's heads and they will understand that their loss is our gain always. And guess what. There's a billion of them out there now just WISHING they had not fucked up a past relationship after later finding our their childishness has left them USED and UNATTENDED. Look on the dating sites. They are all just standing there like the unfortunate derelicts at interstate on ramps hold signs that say "will fuck for $$$". LOL
The funniest and most absurd part is the ones who have fucked themselves and first advertise "if you want sex forget it", OR " looking for my family man". L.......... O.......... L..........!!!! Now you could see this as stupidity and just stand there and laugh at them, OR you could see that this is the weakest of these dumb assholes, and REALIZE they are actually painting runway stripes and GUIDING YOU IN WITH MILITARY GPS ACCURACY. "Sure baby, I'm your family man right here. Come let me tell you my plans for us".. And they are so fucking CHILDISH that they will listen and believe right up until that moment that you have decided you want something fresh and new. LOL While this may sound cruel, its turns out its just a simple fact of MODERN DAY LIFE, and how men must operate to stay sane. Else we would have our feelings hurt by them and become suspect to more primal built in genetic responses like VINDICTIVE ACTION. They say some 90% of homicides are "Crimes of passion". You get sucked in and you MAY BELIEVE IT. It took me a long time to get over the anger due to my current and I only experienced it due to CHILDISHNESS on my own part. Lifes a learning process right.? !! So guys, what's your (war tackle) when you feel the need? Its a nice clean appearance in appropriate attire for the hunt. Its a wallet packed with a few hundred dollar bills made sure to be visibly incidentally presented at some point in the hunt. Its playing to their childishness with no qualms about self respect and ideals of moral or ethical and fair behavior (because they never even heard those words!!). You be the same. And remember, once ya get your hand between those elevator doors - YOU NOW CONTROL IT INDEFINITELY. So work on these introductory tactics, and you will learn that the introduction IS THE ENTIRE BATTLE. Then its game over whenever you decide to pull the plug and take another nap. That simple.
OH - - - Sorry, Did I digress...?
BACK ON TRACK
(
lets see if and where i contradict the above)
Further regarding the current marriage, Its a really weird sensation now as:
1. I know this one like a sister inside and out. It provides both deep remorse that we are breaking for that, but at the same time comfort that I will always know who she is and that nothing will change. Its just strange that no matter where she is or what she does, I could pick a time of the day and know what she is thinking. LOL
2. I now have to deal with the demon in me looking back and retrospecting where I may have done things wrong. This one is pretty simple because I know I could not have changed and know she knew me, but at the same time wonder.
3. The kids is the worst. I really don't know how to feel about that. I am technically having to initiate the divorce, so I am sure that will haunt me in documentation. They say kids are resilient. I don't know. I am just thinking what I was thinking as I moved to final divorce in my mind, which was if she was going to attempt to degrade me to them in presentation as a childish "push-point", then LOGICALLY it was better for us to see them apart. I really feel also AND SADLY that it got to the point that the kids (around 8) already had made the conscious decision that they would prefer us apart so as not to see the fight. So I just speculate that as long as I am the same as I have always been to them, which is AWESOME, that they will be grounded.
4. There is also this odd betrayal of scorn I get from her now, or at least her atty. As the documentation in action against me presents as though she would see me buried alive and never to see the kids again as penance. WHEN ALL ALONG, it was SHE who was causing my trip to divorce court, and now childishly wont own up to her DECISIONS and ACTIONS. Leaving me feeling oddly like I don't know her or never did when I know thats not true. But stranger, her pretending not to know who I am.
5. There is also a weird hint of jealousy, and the knowing that she will walk with some of my property that I worked for, and that she will involve other men (or even women speculated) in MY HOUSE, MY CHILDREN's LIVES, MY FAMILY EVENTS. Even perhaps that she will consciously be a better person and make things work better with the next mate just to spite me.
6. The is also the conundrum that I might get upset with her future actions, and through manipulation of new future mates - and with regard to the girls. Could you imagine her selfishly having some slob over around my kids on a date just to fuck with me. Or worse, some new future husband pretending to judge me, or act in ways contrary to my well being with the kids, which antagonizes or challenges my sovereign rights to them. Can you say ballistic??
While I know that is all devil talking in my ear. I also know that I would not have trusted her with seed had she been anyone else or capable of less than I expect. So whatever. She is the one that has to live this life alone now, and raise children full time. She will have to make decisions that don't complicate this process, not me.
On a side note, but serious one. It should be noted that society is run and decided by men (at least by logical order). But you should consider they have enough pull to set major precedence in political, social, and legal occurrence. The POINT BEING, the the terms of DIVORCE were set up by men at mens preferences I suspect. NO man wants a child on his tit all day long. We want to see them do well and prosper. That not to say we dont want our time with them with luxury affords thought. It just makes sense to me that normal divorce custody settlements are something like every other weekend, half the holidays, and half the summers. I just don't see how I could handle any more!! Truthfully, when we sign on with a woman to have a "family", that family incorporated her doing her part as a mother, and taking care of this other time even when living together happily. The way I see it is that men are all "picked" by women as we don't set out thinking "man look at those child bearning hips - I bet she could make 10 babies!!!" LOL. Seriously, we think "look at that body, and I can't wait to stick my willy in there!!!".. So the PROOF of this is that ANY WOMAN meeting this criteria WAS/IS the one to have a family with. WE JUST DONT KNOW THAT ANY PARTICULAR ONE HAS PLANNED THIS TILL ITS HAPPENING, cause we are still only satisfied with her interest in having us inside her. Perhaps we do have some say as to how long we continue to take interest in sex with her. But at the same time this is where a WOMAN'S Deceipt Powers take precendence.
AKA - Something in Wedding Cake renders them incapable of giving head for the rest of their lives...
So the truth is that - IF they want us, they will have us. The ONLY THING stopping this from occurring again is ALREADY having children. Still we can hitch the ride with conscious alarm clocks to get off at the right stop cant we?? Post children - you bet ya...!
Really the long and the short is that I know that at the end of the day i'll be fine and just another life lesson learned. I know my girls will be fine, just the same as I am and being from a divorced family. And "Ladies", save the "yea- you're fine alright's". Life is fucked up for all of us. There are lots of lessons to learn. PREPARATION is the ONLY REQUIREMENT. Which logically infers that EXPERIENCE with common life happenings is the best medicine, else one would die. You could sit around and lie to your kids all day, spoil them rotten, even guide them as CLOSELY as possible to adult hood. The truth is that its only going to hinder the life learning process and promote more CHILDISHNESS. This is not good. Its the ULTIMATE CONUNDRUM on the face of the planet. You want your children to have everything in the world - physical luxuries, Physical safety, HAPPINESS, and lastly you do everything you possibly can (no matter the rhyme, reason, or result) to make sure of this. But the BITTER IRONY is that the more you succeed in this action, the more you set them up to suffer in the future. So its a balance that we have to play, some we can control, some we cant, but we ALWAYS MITIGATE for them. The CONSTRUCT or all of this can ONLY BE RELEVANT TO CURRENT TIMES or it would be IRRELEVANT...!
So I know all will work out. Stay tuned as the juicy morsels will only be present POST DIVORCE.. LOL
to remain OBJECTIVE)
