Yea that last one fell apart didnt it. Burnt right up on re-entry...
TO BE CLEAR this is no SELF SAGA. This is an opportunity for men to share psychological experience with relationships today in order to help us rationalize the FUCKED UPEDNESS that IS TODAY. Get some..
This is fiction by the way...
Here is an excerpt from a trashy romance novel I found that I thought pertinent to the discussion....:
It should be noted that the last time I went to jail, I felt an INCREDIBLE sense of RELIEF. So much relief to be free of ALL responsibility. At least for a day. I didn’t even have to decide when I was going to eat. Or what it was!!!! I think I pulled the door closed behind me advising them “thank you, have a nice day”. Its really a strange place to be in your mind when you realize that you are caged up with animals who have no pretense of being polite and could just as soon fuck you face that longer you remain conscious the better (annhh, just a few of them – it was a jail not a prison LOL). But no pretense and the eyes are the last place you want to look too long. Funny how in our society we are supposed to LOOK a person in the eye when communicating. What kind of a fucking joke is that?! I got 20 bucks that says the guy that invented that rule was 6’6” tall, hand a hangun on his hip, and salaried body guards. So what does this say? Look someone in the eye when you address them? It says you will either be gleaming with confidence or knowing your are a bitch, but the one thing is for sure is that you WILL EXPERIENCE it and IGNORE all natural instinct…. And regardless of which side of the shake you are on… Did you really think we would have let that one go in another life.?!
She loves me not?. I am not even sure when I decided she should. Custom tailored – she doesn’t even have a clue. It was like I hired a head hunter. Someone hurt that young will go on never knowing the meaning of the word. Not a single tear when father died. Nadda…. What’s worse is that I chose her I think sometimes. Isn’t that the same as “allowing”, LOL?? There is no way in hell I could have lived through the concept of love, me being the fucking textbook case of COMPULSION. We all know from that one heartbreak back in the day – it ain’t no fun. Could you imagine trusting someone with everything then to be betrayed.? I think the figure for homicides related to matters of the heart is in excess of 90% and I am far too selfish to find out how hurt I could get. So it turns out I have absolutely no self control for anything except my potential salvation. I was never looking for it. I was running fast as I could and CAN. The funniest part is that things are now as calm as they have ever been for us. We spend all out time together. Or at least not apart…. No one could fuck the other one over if the wanted to. At least behind their back.
She likes to tell herself she is in love with me. It makes her feel good I think, or not even really sure. Maybe she gets part of the picket fence life she grew up thinking she wanted who the fuck knows. People love brothers too. They also hate daddies. Being a man I really don’t know, but I actually suspect that there may be no more greatly coveted anger that the hatred of DADDY.. How we like to hate him, impress him, best him, prove to him; and its all so comfortable. You can never get enough cause he can never take enough. You think? So its almost full circle now for me and I am getting CREEPED OUT. I have spent every fuckin FREAK CARD in my GD book and yet I have not managed to PULL OUT and screw myself over. WTF// My antics would blow the common fellas mind believe ITS NASTY.. The worst part is THINKING you have Shed SHAME from your psyche and then finding out the mother fucker was right there all the time. LOL. Really – I just chuckled that time.. Its like you dig this fukin hole and you are working so damn hard. The promise of water is right there. Or are we just trying to get about 6ft completed with a tablespoon.? Or better yet a pair of CHOPSTIX… Mine are pretty flashy… “Did you use excessive force Cobra?”. “I Used everything I had…”. Pop dementia anyone?
Funny the “Sugar/Salt” principle. If everyone ONLY wants what they cant have, the how in the fuck has any relationship ever worked..? Cause if you recall, the one being pursued is usually holding a BARF BAG because its just so damn disgusting to have someone LIKE YOU. Further, the MORE they like you, the LESS you like them; and it’s a universal principle with an exponential factor XXX.. It just don’t happen. The only difference between now and then is that there are less secrets, that stay secrets. Kids?_Wasteland_!. Sooo fuked up we are. I won’t even get into the fucked up kids of the homo parental units. Its devastation and yet we are told to close our mouths. These are civil times with people have their rights. The British were “civil”.
DEFINITIONS:
Civility – (It’s a descriptive word for sure) . SIV-
ILL- IT EEE.
1. A condition by which we can AFFORD to act mildly retarded.
2. Having excess luxury thus falling to the failure of ILLUSION.
3. Pretending to be something which we CAN NOT be when we are NAKED.
4. Taking a shit and not having to wipe
5. Not only shutting your mouth at the EXACT TIME you are STRONGLY motivated to act in opposition to status quo, but actively agreeing and reinforcing the paradigm current..
6. “You make me sick sometimes, but I just don’t say anything” Does it count if we remove ourselves from the situation? or is that cheating….?!!
I don’t know where I am with this. But I can tell you I spent the drug and alcohol craziness up and she took it all. She spent hers too and here I am. Fucked up indeed. I get so mad sometimes IT HAS GOT TO BE. People just sit back looking on. Some of them sick. Some of them wishing for the worst. I don’t think there are many that don’t know “The FreakShow”… She seems done with the booze too. Really, I'm just not even hungry anymore.
THE POINT OF THIS POST:
1. I am out of gas and simply having a difficult time doing my part to keep things fucked up.
2. The kids are a factor I did not count on. I really never dreamed the would be ME. What that meant.
3. She continues to play the game – CHILDISHNESS now a KEY factor. Does she really believe that shit?!?!? Self service indeed. And to think she can sit there and fess up to my face, after I sit on hers for a few. I’m going with brother/sister at this time.
4. Her powers fade quickly with her age. I almost don’t even feel the urge to remind her that Dogs that Don’t hunt don’t get paid, and anyone with a pocket full of change is gonna buy a damn good dog. “Shake that ass and see what you get”.. Perhaps wet down a couple of times and a free drink.
5. Maybe that’s all she wants?!?! Perhaps all she has to do is play it smart to be a COUCH DOG. After all, hunting is WORK and I don’t see her lining up anywhere other than the drive thru..
AM I duped? We never escape. EVER. Did you ever see a woman that could work in the garden without a plastic bag? WTF. We think, “toss that shit in the bushes crazy ass – you are WASTING A PERFECTLY GOOD PLASTIC BAG”. Really, they are thinking about TROPHY TAKING. A prize for the job. A show for anyone to see as PROOF of the action. Put it on display for the neighbors on the street even. Its now contained in a sack. It cant get out. She can DO with it whatever she desires, but MOST IMPORTANTLY she is going to get something for this damnit, no matter how cheap the kill… NO, not the shelf again. Not the glass jar. ITS SMOTHERING. OXIDIZATION CAN NOT OCCUR IN THIS JAR….! HELLO. “Up here- ON the shelf…!”.. “USE ME, and USE ME FAST, HARD, AND NOW/OVER & OVER”. Make me sick of it so I can be sick of myself and see CLEARLY AGAIN. This dog needs a job to be happy…. More importantly he likes to be patted on the head for a job well done. Lack of either and he could run. Finally, the dog can ONLY know when he’s been bad WHEN and AFTER he get what he WANTS / or thinks he does…
I would not trade it….
The iSSUE is that once she has bagged it. She appears perfectly happy placing it on the shelf and simply knowing it is there is enough. And I know in reality that if she trapped a better prize, I would just get shuffled further to the back of the cabinet never to see the light of day again. After all, she is so sweet she could not hurt a fly...
Fuck it for now..
