viking23
New Member
Truth^^
MESO-Rx
Anabolic Steroids
Meso drug addicts
- Thread starter ChuckSipes
- Start date
Fear of the Dark
New Member
First off, I was quite emotional reading these posts from you all. It uncovered a lot of old memories/feelings I once had of being stuck in my dark, lonely dungeon of addiction. My thoughts/prayers and support are with ya.
Started early with drinking. Half a fifth of jack plus some beers by 13. Tolerance in my family runs high. My intro to my first day of high school led into all the hard stuff. At the same time, I was powerlifting and learning to add weight to my frame. I think lifting and eating helped reduce the damage I could have really done to my body. Got back to back dui's at 18. Revocation of license. Moved outta state. Lots of dui/alcohol/drug classes. Legal crap. Got thrown in County in another state for a brawl.....and the list goes on.
In my 20's I figured out how to have a job, all my addictions, plus lift/box/and other athletic accomplishments. No legal troubles but secretly I was a mess. I just made my mess work along the lines of this world. Hurt many people along the way. I was out of control in my own world and knew it. Hated it. Even if I went out, had 5 beers when I only planned on having 4, I knew who had the upperhand. The drug always let me know who is in charge.
Since I couldn't stop on my own and no one else could stop me, I resorted to a higher power. I believed there was a God. I repented for all my wrong doings. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Then i asked God to get rid of my crazy desire. I believed only God could change me. He did. Been clean for 9 years without even looking back. The desire was completely erased physically of the booze and drugs of choice that were destroying me. I have no problem being around it as well. Simply a miracle.
Now, I'm not a bible thumper and not religious. I just believe in God and talk to him as if he were flesh. I don't go around forcing my belief on people either. If anyone asks about my life I tell em. Otherwise it's shop talk or general conversation for me.
Nice to see so many willing to tell thier story. Thoughts n prayers brothers.
Started early with drinking. Half a fifth of jack plus some beers by 13. Tolerance in my family runs high. My intro to my first day of high school led into all the hard stuff. At the same time, I was powerlifting and learning to add weight to my frame. I think lifting and eating helped reduce the damage I could have really done to my body. Got back to back dui's at 18. Revocation of license. Moved outta state. Lots of dui/alcohol/drug classes. Legal crap. Got thrown in County in another state for a brawl.....and the list goes on.
In my 20's I figured out how to have a job, all my addictions, plus lift/box/and other athletic accomplishments. No legal troubles but secretly I was a mess. I just made my mess work along the lines of this world. Hurt many people along the way. I was out of control in my own world and knew it. Hated it. Even if I went out, had 5 beers when I only planned on having 4, I knew who had the upperhand. The drug always let me know who is in charge.
Since I couldn't stop on my own and no one else could stop me, I resorted to a higher power. I believed there was a God. I repented for all my wrong doings. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Then i asked God to get rid of my crazy desire. I believed only God could change me. He did. Been clean for 9 years without even looking back. The desire was completely erased physically of the booze and drugs of choice that were destroying me. I have no problem being around it as well. Simply a miracle.
Now, I'm not a bible thumper and not religious. I just believe in God and talk to him as if he were flesh. I don't go around forcing my belief on people either. If anyone asks about my life I tell em. Otherwise it's shop talk or general conversation for me.
Nice to see so many willing to tell thier story. Thoughts n prayers brothers.
penche
New Member
I hear ya man.
Been on them for the past 4-5 yrs. I'm not even sure how to ween off of them. Im sure subbing alcohol instead of benzos would help but I won't allow myself to go that route again.
wish I had more time on this library comp to reply.spent the last 2yrs after my relapse on dope battling like crazy to get clean.took me all the way to living on the streets of NYC this time.now I'm on a low dose ofmethadone while I try to get back to NJ and get back on the subs that helped me stay clean for almost 6yrs...only have 30mnts on this comp time so i'll have to check back in tomorrow.great topic to post about,so many bodybuilders I know are addicted to heavy things like opiates...
CdnGuy
New Member
Wanna thank all the members here that have shared. Like everyone it takes me back to dark times in my life. I had become a functioning addict, the worst problem because know one knows you have an addiction. This thread is an inspiration for all too stay clean. All the best in life brothers!!!
what works formost ppl here...is it meetings,sheer willpower,methadone/suboxone...what keeps you guys clean?i've been battling this addiction to both alcohol and heroin for nearly 25yrs with the total amount of time clean adds up to barely 6-7yrs altogether...not impressive numbers to say the least.i've spent all of my adult life either dope sick,in a foggy hazy nod,drunk you skeed outta my gourd.it's pretty sad.the best I ever felt was 2007 until my relapse in March 2013.i was in theee best shape in my life,i hit a personal all time high on the flat bench of 447lbs x 1 at 215lbs and 8-9% bf at 42yrs old...why I ever picked up again I don't think i'll ever figure out which I need to do to prevent it from happening again.i'm not the type of addict who uses 1-2 bags a day for a few months then checks into a detox.i'm the type who starts off heavy from the rip and uses heavy until the brakes fall off.i use to live and live to use and yes...that adage spoken in NA is so true,1 is too many and 1,000 is never enuff.I told a counselor in my out-patient group today that when I stop using it's rarely because I want to.it's because I can't keep using the way I want to which is a heavy cooker and a full spike which truly scares the shit outta me.another reason why I know that God will never allow me to ever hit the lottery for big numbers...I'd be dead within a month if that.right now I'm living on the treets or the shelter in NYC from NJ.i'm trying to get back to NJ with the help of a friend I grew up with and in NA as well.hoping to get outta here soon cause this place isn't exactly condusive to living clean.there's not a day that goes by I don't find empty dope bags in the toilets or ppl nodding out on smack and Xanax.i'm scared dthis is my last shot at getting clean cause at 47 my body can't go thru much more.how all my recent tests all came back negative for Hiv,Hep C,Std's i'll never know cause I lived grimy for awhile,often sharing needles with ppl I knew to have AIDS/Hep C and used the sets anyway cause I was that dope sick.only God knows why He spared my worthless ass...if anyone here is an addict or knows someone who is just never give up.the miracle will happen if you keep on trying your hardest,just gotta give ourselves the chances and time...roc.
If you are truly powerless when it comes to drugs or alcohol? I have found no human power, no motivation, no desperation great enough to keep me from active use.
Wow man...wow, you've been through some shit!! Have you ever tried kratom?? I have not...but from what I understand it would help you to deal with being dope sick so you could live your life. It would be a hell of a lot better than methadone. You can get clean...just take it one day at a time (I'm sure you've heard that before). Good luck brother and keep posting.
Whoremoans
Member
I found a bottle of 120 hydrocodone and a bottle of 90 Percocet today. Fucking help me guys.
Toilet
Whoremoans
Member
I just don't know if I can bring myself to dump over a thousand dollars down the toilet man.. I wish I wouldnt have even seen the fucking things.
Man you have come a long way...its not worth it. Flush 'em then go update your cycle log!!! I don't want to see another Pre-Captain America pic again...ya got it!!
What's the alternative? A thousand dollars up your nose or down your throat and then what? Back to the addiction?
Whoremoans
Member
I dumped them. Veins sticking out in my neck and tears in my goddamn eyes. I hate that it was so hard to do. I hate that I let myself become this. They're fucking gone though.
Do you understand what you've done. Do you understand how important that was. You're a hero!!!! There are so many that would have invented a reason to hold on to them. That is such a HUGE victory!!! Everything you did was perfect. You came to Meso for help. You relied on us. You could have kept it to yourself but with truth and honesty you exposed yourself and put yourself in a position of accountability. And then you had the courage to do what you knew was right and you didn't listen to your addict. Who cares that it was hard. Of course it was. Who cares you had tears in your eyes. Of course you did. But you won!!!!! That's so fucking huge!!!! Big giant mad total respect to you!!! You are my hero.
Whoremoans
Member
Thank you Mel.. Thanks all of you guys. It really means the world to me that I have my brothers support here at meso. I feel like you guys are family. Thanks for being there.
Your friends are the family you choose.
Become what? Strong enough to face the monster and flush that fucking piece of shit down the tiolet? You can be proud of that- I know I'm proud of you.
You have become the master of your self control. Good fucking decision. Now let us think about your next training session and what you will be eating before the night is out.
Whoremoans
Member
The support means a lot brothers..
