Listen bro, I've been where you are, to a lesser extent. I didn't suffer for 2.5 years, but I honestly felt like I would never be normal again. 3.5 years ago, I ended a tren ace cycle, probably 10 weeks, after what was probably a 3-month break following a 12 week tren ace cycle. I was an absolute mess. Lost my job, lost my girlfriend in the time leading up to that cycle ending. I had no energy or motivation, and looking back on it, real anxiety and depression. I stupidly toughed it out, got better, and even ended up doing 4 more cycles since then. It's reading stories like yours, and the obvious irrationality of many posts on these steroids forums, that has left me resolved to never touch these drugs again.
These drugs fuck with your head, period.
I will tell you straight up, your obsessing over your balls is a major sign of mental illness. You need to see a psychiatrist. Get on a benzodiazepine tranquilizer for 4-6 weeks while a suitable antidepressant takes effect. These obsessive thoughts combined with your worry are not rational, and likely have nothing to do with AAS use.
Assuming you are not a troll, chances are, there are other aspects of your life that are messed up right now. You just don't realize yet. I didn't think my life was messed up back in early 2013, but it was.
With the exception of Dr. Scally, we are all just a bunch of anonymous nobodies on the internet. The amount of bullshit you read on these forums is astounding. You're lucky you're on the ONE forum that isn't as bad as the rest.
Go see a psychiatrist. Your HPTA may or may not be destroyed, but your mental and emotional state is clearly compromised. You are not in a position to rationally address this problem until you are stable. Once you've reached that point, come back here and we'll start this with a fresh look.
