this has been doing my head in for quite some time now.. but i have a brother who is 3 years older than me.. him and i are polar opposites.. growing up i always looked up to him as he was my older brother, i just wanted him to like me and shit but he hated me (annoying younger brother etc) and now its like the tables have turned.. he had a tough time at school and got bullied etc, he's a super nerd.. he plays war hammer, lives off the government and basically does fuck all, all whilst living in my house. He is socially retarded, has a sense of humour that drives me mad and just plain gets on my nerves. Which i fuckin hate. I hate that when he walks into the room and starts talking i start cringing and looking the other way. I FUCKIN HATE IT. its my brother, deep down i love him but i can't seem to get over this feeling of resentment toward him.. my ego frustrates me so much because whenever he is in the vicinity i find things to cringe about, i find things to be embarrassed about etc. i really want this to change cos he's my fuckin brother.
we've both had our struggles with addiction, pretty much exactly the same story.. but he has let it effect him so badly that he's become a hermit. he plays the victim all the time.. going out into public is a huge ordeal to him, not joking he won some money on a scratchy the other week that made him so "anxious" that he had to have a valium and lie down for the afternoon... any sign of emotion and he's suddenly in a bad way and really baiting my mother to treat him like a 4 year old disabled child. he's played the victim long enough in my mind. Even though he obviously has some issues i still get infuriated by him
i honestly wish i wasn't such a judgemental cunt to him. I've been trying extremely hard to cut myself off when i start cringing etc, and it does work, but i can't shake it..
dunno if this makes sense to anyone else, but had to vent.
anyone else feel like this with family members??