Im upping this thread since idk where to vent. Since the last time i posted ive had hard times and separated with my daughters mother and had some health problems thar kept me from the gym for 7 months. Since then i have found a new girlfriend and lately things have not been so great, and i relapsed a few months ago using cocaine for about a month. Now im back to training and feeling better, im growing and i feel i can handle my responsabilities better again. But the last few days again ive had 1-3 lines of coke everyday, and then realizing its 30 mins of enjoying and crippling anxiety after. Today again i relapsed on coke and im feeling utter shit, im going to come clean to my GF today about relapsing and hoping honesty and admitting my problems will make me more strong again.. im keeping it somehow in control now, still making progress in the gym and not just fking everything up. Hope i will win this addiction once again! Anyone going trough the battle, dont relapse it will take you back down to the world of emptiness and anxiety. Tomorrow is a new day and a new workout, wish me luck.
EDIT; If anyone has tips how to get that what if feeling from your mind id appreciate it, i fight with a strong adhd also so my life is constant dopamine hunting