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Athleticgingerpta: man i don't want to be rude, but stop doing impulsive things, that makes things worse. I really know whats going on in your head, but believe me, calm down and take a breath. You have to stop going crazy about your t levels, you have to stop focusing at it that much. You have to think logical and stop making decisions based on your fear and bad feelings.
A little summary: Your t levels are low - not extremely low - but could be better. You tried a ''restart'' with HCG and Clomid multiple times in different protocolls. You couldn't raise your t levels permanently. You have libido issues and anxiety.
First of all you are diagnosed wrong.
If any, you have primary hypogonadism - we can see that your hypothalamus detects low t levels and starts producing LH - so the problem is located in your testes. But besides that your t levels after your cycle in 2010 were never low. T levels in the 400's are totally fine. Some people experience strange things when using deca (mainly libido wise), but I cant tell you what really happens there, not enough evidence. But after so much time deca can't be a problem anymore. Keeping that in mind I would bet a lot that your problems (libido/anxiety) are not
only related to low t - another possible thing to look into could be a mental problem, triggered from your cycle in 2010. Sometimes i have people thinking they have depression caused by low t, but surprisingly there are some cases where it was exactly the opposite. They had depression/anxiety before and
this caused low t! The body is very complex an reacts really strong to permanent stress. Last thing i want to say is: TRT is not the end of the world, it's not even a problem. A problem is to loose both legs in a car crash, a problem is to not have money to buy food for your kids, a problem is to have cancer and die in 1 months. TRT is nothing to even worry about, you have to pin one time a week and have benefits when your older. I am on TRT for a long time and I never had a problem. I was travelling around the world, no illness, I feel healthy and happy. It never stopped me from doing anything. I had the same mind-boggling fear when starting that journey, but on one day I saw a documentation about a disabled young man in a wheelchair sailing around the world, in that moment i knew there is nothing to worry about.
So, what should you do now?
If i were you i would eliminate all possible causes, starting with the most likely ones. I would go on trt, so your brain calms down an isn't constantly worrying about your levels. Then i would go to a
psychologist and explain your story - you have years of consistent worrying behind you, talk to somone. Last but not least - your Libido. Im 99% sure its a psychological problem in your case. I had many people coming to me with almost the same stories like yours, and I experienced almost the same thing myself. I never believed it could be a mental problem, but it was. If your sympathetic nervous system is under tension (it obviously is in your case) - your body is unable use its pathways to generate sexual arousal and drive. Simply said your body and brain just see no reason to activate these pathways when you are in fight and flight mode. Keep that in mind.
There are some drugs which could help with that:
- in easy cases Sildenafil/Cialis (they not only ''generate'' an erection but also release more oxytocin, which helps to relax)
- in more serious ones mostly anxiolytics like Buspiron/SSRIs/MAOs
- some people have good results with THC/CBD
- there are a few supplements which could help, for example tribulus terrestris and/or tongkat ali (they do not help with t levels, only for libido issues)
Hope i could help you a bit, if you have questions feel free to ask. And remember, you will be fine. If you don't give up, there is no other possibility. If you keep going, u will suceed.
All the best
Matze
// Please excuse the mistakes i made in the text, im from germany and english is not my greatest strength //
sometimes it works - have seen it myself very rarely. But in most cases it doesn't after such a long time. I think its good to be realistic.
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