Recovery Log!! (in HM ONLY)

[Tyler81]

Ah fuck it.

Gonna stay the course.

Doing more Hcg would be counterproductive at this point.

 

[Tyler81]

The smaller nuts might mean a slower recovery when I'm off the SERM.

 

[jay89]

maybe your overthinking everything and your nuts are fine. I mean if tomorrow you went and tested at 400ng/dl you probably wouldnt give two shits if your nuts seemed small you d know there working.

 

[Tyler81]

Lol I was just about to say I'm probably overthinking it.

Also they are hanging nice and low but definetly smaller ....

maybe your overthinking everything and your nuts are fine. I mean if tomorrow you went and tested at 400ng/dl you probably wouldnt give two shits if your nuts seemed small you d know there working.

 

[Tyler81]

Also last summer I stopped cold turkey and my T was 115.

This time I used Hcg and my T was 262.

So that's +150 point increase and it shows my nuts do work ....

Gonna (try) to stop overthinking it.

 

[Tyler81]

Day 15 contd
I was watching videos on YouTube of guys who were low T and went on Trt and I started second guessing myself like WTF am I doing????

But then I remembered that injectable testosterone makes me depressed and transdermal don't work for me anymore so this was my only choice.

Plus I remembered I want my fertility back.

I still feel anxious right now and uncertain of this course of action but I've committed to it and as long as I'm realistic about my goals and expectations I think it will work out.

 

[Tyler81]

I legit feel bit discouraged today like uncertain about this course of action but I've burned the boats and i can't look back ....

I need the inner strength and resolve to keep pushing forwards and not keep second guessing myself and changing course.

 

[jay89]

You definitely need inner strength to keep pushing forward and ultimately see how you feel natural. But I would try to look at this as a sort of experiment to see if your physical and mental wellbeing as a whole is better off than on T. If you ultimately come to the conclusion that being on T although has huge drawbacks for you is still better than the alternative than this whole thing is still a success.

 

[Tyler81]

Thanks dude.

I think I just have to push through this even if it sucks.

Worst case scenario I do more Hcg to get my nuts bigger because right now they are the size of raisins.

The current forms of TRT available are no good for me. But maybe androxal would work if there are less side effects.

 

[Tyler81]

Day 16
Mornings are definetly the toughest right now. It takes a lot of will power to physically get out of bed but once I'm up it's not too bad.

 

[Tyler81]

Day 16 contd
I was reading some comments about guys stopping T here:
Testosterone Withdrawal Symptoms: What You May Notice

"OK I have an update…4 months TRT free and feeling good, it was rough. Anxiety, pain, emotional distress, mood swings, etc. After 3 months my levels finally FINALLY returned to a low normal. It was excruciating! I did not believe I was going to make it, but I did and you will too. It is a true test to your mental and physical fortitude. But you will return to normal.

And yes it is worth it. Hopefully someone will read these posts and take comfort in knowing that it WILL get better! 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute at a time. Please don’t give in to the quick fix. You can do this, take a deep breath, go outside, and take a deep breath. Realize in that moment that you are alive. Good luck to you all!"

 

[Tyler81]

I am mentally and emotionally bracing for a tough couple months.
I dont think it's right to go back on Hcg right now. Will stick to my current protocol and dial back clomid to 2X per week maintenance doses in October and do labs at 30 days.

Current protocol:
Clomid 6.25mg at bedtime
Wellbutrin 37.5mg morning (will stop this soon)
Fishoil 2cps per day with food

Longjack powder 500mg am, pm
Icariin 60% extract 300mg 3X daily
Vitamin d3 10,000ius per day with food

 

[jay89]

Thanks dude.

I think I just have to push through this even if it sucks.

Worst case scenario I do more Hcg to get my nuts bigger because right now they are the size of raisins.

The current forms of TRT available are no good for me. But maybe androxal would work if there are less side effects.

Kinda makes you want to throttle the fda for not approving the androxal.
Any reason for stopping the wellbutrin?

 

[Tyler81]

Kinda makes you want to throttle the fda for not approving the androxal.
Any reason for stopping the wellbutrin?

I was taking the wellbutrin with the clomid to counterbalance the shittyness of the clomid once I dial back to 2X clomid I shouldn't need it.

 

[Tyler81]

Day 16 contd
Well some good news

I feel mentally a lot more clear headed today and when I was driving around the world looks like it's in HD. Everything is bright and sharp looking.

I felt so shitty on injectable testosterone and mentally I feel so much more stable right now.

That's definetly a positive sign

 

[Tyler81]

Day 16 contd
Energy is quite low this evening.

I'm second guessing myself again. This self doubt seems to creep in more in the evenings than in the morning.

Its always tempting to slap on some T gel for instant relief. But towards the end it barely gave me enough energy to get me through the day anyways.

I was sitting around 300ng/dl using 3 tubes of gel (15grams) per day on it. Which is 5grams more than the max daily dose.

So no point in going back on it.

Injections gave me non stop depression. Basically I would inject and get depressed for three days then feel better. This happened even at low doses.

Tried adex but didn't help much.

So as difficult as it is coming off T ... I don't really have a choice.

 

[Tyler81]

Day 17
Slept through my morning alarm. It feels like my T has really bottomed out.

Main symptoms right now are fatigue and lethargy.

 

[Tyler81]

Day 17 contd
Fatigue aside I feel OK.
Will continue going to the gym.

Hopefully things improve by this weekend.

 

[Tyler81]

Day 17 contd
Had a really good workout. Lifting just as much weight as I was before and I'm acrually getting more shredded and cut.

Had some unreal pumps today in my arms and legs. I think the Icariin 60% gives me good pumps. I dosed before I went to the gym.

Also joint pain was less today and inbetween squats my knees and legs felt solid.

Seems like I'm having ups and downs this week where at times I feel OK and at times I feel bad.

This workout was encouraging though.

I haven't lost ANY strength and had some unreal pumps today.

 

[Tyler81]

REMINDER!!
*** I MUST STAY THE COURSE ***

I was just reading my log from last summer and I got impatient around day 22 and injected 500ius of Hcg which fucked up my recovery.

Today is day 17 and I've had similar thoughts so it seems like my brain gets frustrated around the three week mark re: fatigue so I just need to push through this and I'll probably feel better soon.

I think benchmarks are,
30 days
60 days
90 days
6 months
1 year

So goal right now is to just make it to 30 days ...