**NOTE errections off treatment are unreal. consistent morning wood. and way better reliable errections during sex. on TRT i would usually only go one round cause my dick wouldnt get up again or I would have to use cialis. off treatment I can go at least twice and my errections are strong and hard and good. It is like my body is more connected to my penis with my own endogenous hormones. The signal from my brain to my penis works better and probably testosterone boost during sex too which doesnt happen while on TRT.
MESO-Rx
Anabolic Steroids
Recovery Log!! (in HM ONLY)
- Thread starter Tyler81
- Start date
So I did something dumb on the weekend and applied a tube of Testim cause I was seeing this girl and I was paranoid about my libdio. Felt bloated and crappy and estrogneic and moody and regretted it inmediately. Even the sex was better off the gel. I had trouble maintaining an erection during round 2 and my penis sort of felt disconnected from my body.
Gel is out of my system now and I dosed Tamoxifen last night and I feel good again
It felt like I wasn't totally shutdown but my nuts shrank up and weren't hanging loose so I was slightly suppressed from just one tube.
Needless to say I felt like shit and beat myself up all day yesterday but now I am back on track and feel good again.
I feel like that mini blip was necessary to 100% commit to this recovery LONGTERM and never second guess myself in the future.
I feel way better today on Tamoxifen only with some Horny Goat Weed.
Calm
Alpha
Good mood
Cheers
Gel is out of my system now and I dosed Tamoxifen last night and I feel good again
It felt like I wasn't totally shutdown but my nuts shrank up and weren't hanging loose so I was slightly suppressed from just one tube.
Needless to say I felt like shit and beat myself up all day yesterday but now I am back on track and feel good again.
I feel like that mini blip was necessary to 100% commit to this recovery LONGTERM and never second guess myself in the future.
I feel way better today on Tamoxifen only with some Horny Goat Weed.
Calm
Alpha
Good mood
Cheers
Yeah it's wierd I was looking for a quick libido boost but honestly libido is so complicated I dont think it works like that. I ended up just beating myself up for possibly ruining 6.5 weeks of recovery.
But fortunately i'm back on track, had an unreal workout at the gym today and my body is looking nice and cut and ripped. I feel like I had 24 hours where I felt low T but Tamoxifen kicked in this afternoon and I feel strong and healthy and good again.
Tamoxifen has SLIGHT mood issues for me but nothing compared to Clomid.
I gotta figure out the proper dosing frequency.... havent quite figured that out yet.
Also, i love getting a testosterone boost after workouts which I never got on TRT. Like, I FEEL like a beast after workouts now. Like I can feel the endogenous testosterone from a heavy workout. Also, this happens with sex too like I can FEEL my testosterone rising with sexual stimulus like porn, or hot girls, or sex which I didnt have on TRT. IT was more like a flatline based on the pharmokenitics of the gel.
Libido is cumming back in spurts. No pun intended lol
I'm confident I will have a more consistent and reliable libido off TRT .... eventually!!!
It may take a few more months or even longer but will definetly be patient.
Erections are already way better. And sometimes I'll have a sexual thought and it causes a boner which never used to happen on TRT.
The mind/penis connection is back.
I'm confident I will have a more consistent and reliable libido off TRT .... eventually!!!
It may take a few more months or even longer but will definetly be patient.
Erections are already way better. And sometimes I'll have a sexual thought and it causes a boner which never used to happen on TRT.
The mind/penis connection is back.
Tons of spontaneous boners.
Just had a boner that didnt go away for like 6-7 minutes just from thinking about sexual thoughts. Havent had THAT happen in a long time.
Feels good to be functioning on my own testosterone again.
Psychologically I used to think high T was everything but there's definetly a difference between endogenous v. exgoneous testosterone. I like having my nuts back, better errections, more satisfying orgasms, and feeling healthier and more connected to my body.
Just had a boner that didnt go away for like 6-7 minutes just from thinking about sexual thoughts. Havent had THAT happen in a long time.
Feels good to be functioning on my own testosterone again.
Psychologically I used to think high T was everything but there's definetly a difference between endogenous v. exgoneous testosterone. I like having my nuts back, better errections, more satisfying orgasms, and feeling healthier and more connected to my body.
I feel like testosterone replacement is like an addiction no different from drug addiction. As humans we always want to feel better stronger faster hornier but I feel like in that pursuit we forget how complex the human body is and how many moving parts there are.
Some guys can JUST replace testosterone and feel fine but many guys have to contro estrogen add in Beta Hcg "back fill" with DHEA and other hormones and it becomes a bionic man balancing act.
I sometimes think, ah fuck let me just slap on some gel for a DHT boost or whatever but I've now accepted its an addiction and I've gotta learn to let it go.
I'm super happy to have my nuts back like psychologically it makes me feel more like a man knowing I can get a bitch pregnant if I want and knowing I have my own life force energy inside of me.
Some guys can JUST replace testosterone and feel fine but many guys have to contro estrogen add in Beta Hcg "back fill" with DHEA and other hormones and it becomes a bionic man balancing act.
I sometimes think, ah fuck let me just slap on some gel for a DHT boost or whatever but I've now accepted its an addiction and I've gotta learn to let it go.
I'm super happy to have my nuts back like psychologically it makes me feel more like a man knowing I can get a bitch pregnant if I want and knowing I have my own life force energy inside of me.
Still holding strong.
It feels great not to think about applying the gel all the time. Had a good weekend where I just lived my life and barely thought about my hormones aside from popping half tab of tamoxifen at bedtime.
Going down to EOD Tamoxifen this week... then E3D the week after.
Still getting sporadic spontaneous boners. Libido is low but boners are encouraging.
It feels great not to think about applying the gel all the time. Had a good weekend where I just lived my life and barely thought about my hormones aside from popping half tab of tamoxifen at bedtime.
Going down to EOD Tamoxifen this week... then E3D the week after.
Still getting sporadic spontaneous boners. Libido is low but boners are encouraging.
FYI
It seems Tamoxifen has a negative impact on my mood for about 24 + 15 hours so 1.5 days. Then I feel pretty good for a day or two and then need to dose again.
So I think the optimal dosing schedule is e3.5 days to minimize mood side effects and maximize endogenous testosterone.
I'm thinking,
Sundays at noon
Wednesdays at 4pm
As a "'maintenance" protocol.
I will test blood work on trough day (Saturday) next month.
It seems Tamoxifen has a negative impact on my mood for about 24 + 15 hours so 1.5 days. Then I feel pretty good for a day or two and then need to dose again.
So I think the optimal dosing schedule is e3.5 days to minimize mood side effects and maximize endogenous testosterone.
I'm thinking,
Sundays at noon
Wednesdays at 4pm
As a "'maintenance" protocol.
I will test blood work on trough day (Saturday) next month.
Tamoxifen twice per week should be perfect because my body seems to need a slight nudge to stay in the normal range.
In this range my mind is clear, workouts are strong, physique looks good, and errections are strong. Also I like having my nuts back.
I'm happy with the outcome of this restart and I'm gonna stay the course.
In this range my mind is clear, workouts are strong, physique looks good, and errections are strong. Also I like having my nuts back.
I'm happy with the outcome of this restart and I'm gonna stay the course.
Tamoxifen versus Gel
Gel lose my testicles
Tamoxifen I got my testicles
Gel slathering it all over body
vs Tamoxifen pop half tablet x2
Gel workouts don't boost my testosterone they drain it
Tamoxifen workouts boost my own endogenous T
Gel i feel cloudy headed
Tamoxifen I feel cloudy for 1.5 days then clear headed for 2 days .........
Gel weaker orgasms and errections
Tamoxifen stronger orgasms and errections including morning wood
Gel baseline 4.0
Tamoxifen baseline 10-12
Gel can't spoon with a girl in bed
Tamoxifen totally free to touch and spoon in bed anytime
Gel can't create life with a girl
Tamoxifen can make a baby if I want to
So overall tamoxifen is better. (For me anyways)
Mood is bit crappy post dose but workouts / errections / orgasms testicles / fertility / convenience and mood stability is better overall on Tamoxifen.
Gel lose my testicles
Tamoxifen I got my testicles
Gel slathering it all over body
vs Tamoxifen pop half tablet x2
Gel workouts don't boost my testosterone they drain it
Tamoxifen workouts boost my own endogenous T
Gel i feel cloudy headed
Tamoxifen I feel cloudy for 1.5 days then clear headed for 2 days .........
Gel weaker orgasms and errections
Tamoxifen stronger orgasms and errections including morning wood
Gel baseline 4.0
Tamoxifen baseline 10-12
Gel can't spoon with a girl in bed
Tamoxifen totally free to touch and spoon in bed anytime
Gel can't create life with a girl
Tamoxifen can make a baby if I want to
So overall tamoxifen is better. (For me anyways)
Mood is bit crappy post dose but workouts / errections / orgasms testicles / fertility / convenience and mood stability is better overall on Tamoxifen.
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UNREAL workout where I pushed myself and lifted way more in the gym than I used to lift on T. I was doing bicep curls with weights that used to feel heavy and now they felt like feather weights. Also my legs felt strong and good doing squats.
Workout was unreal but I'm feeling it today. Body is aching lol
It's encouraging how strong and healthy I feel overall.
Workout was unreal but I'm feeling it today. Body is aching lol
It's encouraging how strong and healthy I feel overall.
Seem to still be doing decent with girls even with lower T. Also, kind of freeing when I'm at the bar and not constantly thinking of sweating off my gel or when I applied it or needing to reapply at some point in the night.
Hopefully libido/desire improves with the 2x week maintenance Tamoxifen.
Hopefully libido/desire improves with the 2x week maintenance Tamoxifen.
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Did another experiment where I applied one tube of Testim (again because I had a date and desire has been low so I didnt want to screw it up) I ended up getting laid but I honestly just dont feel as good on the gel. Same feeling again right now of feeling bloated and estrogenic and mood gets worse on exogenous testosterone for some reason.
So i've done this TWICE now and both times i have felt worse.
I just dosed Tamoxifen an hour ago and already feeling better.
I think I can safely conclude that ENDOGENOUS T feels better than EXOGENOUS T for me.
The only downside to Tamoxifen is dry skin on my hands.
Aside from that it's pretty dam goood.
Back to EOD this week (cause of my Testim fuck up lol) and then E3D the next week.
This week was SUPPOSED to be E3D but since I applied a tube of testim I gotta do E0D this week to give my pituitary a little extra nudge and then E3D maintenance tamoxifen after that.
It seems like I have to make MULTIPLE MISTAKES to finally accept that ok no gel sucks.
lol.
This is OK and I am not gonna beat myself up over it because coming off treatment is a LONGTERM PLAY. I plan to stay off for TEN YEARS. So a minor fuckup right now will save me pain in the future when I think about going back on treatment. I can read this log and be like, wait no. You dont feel good on it.
I feel more moody, estrogenic, not as centered, and not as clear headed.
Also I have some bad mood associations on it like it brings about depression.
Whereas on Tamoxifen I feel like my "old self" before TRT and that feels actually good.
So i've done this TWICE now and both times i have felt worse.
I just dosed Tamoxifen an hour ago and already feeling better.
I think I can safely conclude that ENDOGENOUS T feels better than EXOGENOUS T for me.
The only downside to Tamoxifen is dry skin on my hands.
Aside from that it's pretty dam goood.
Back to EOD this week (cause of my Testim fuck up lol) and then E3D the next week.
This week was SUPPOSED to be E3D but since I applied a tube of testim I gotta do E0D this week to give my pituitary a little extra nudge and then E3D maintenance tamoxifen after that.
It seems like I have to make MULTIPLE MISTAKES to finally accept that ok no gel sucks.
lol.
This is OK and I am not gonna beat myself up over it because coming off treatment is a LONGTERM PLAY. I plan to stay off for TEN YEARS. So a minor fuckup right now will save me pain in the future when I think about going back on treatment. I can read this log and be like, wait no. You dont feel good on it.
I feel more moody, estrogenic, not as centered, and not as clear headed.
Also I have some bad mood associations on it like it brings about depression.
Whereas on Tamoxifen I feel like my "old self" before TRT and that feels actually good.
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