Recovery Log!! (in HM ONLY)

[Tyler81]

I dont know why but I just feel HEALTHIER without exogenous testosterone.

It's like the external T makes me feel moody and shit and I just feel worse overall.

Earlier today I felt foggy headed and bloated and estrogenic which is just not a good feeling. The tamoxifen right now is already making me feel good (looks like one tube didnt shut me down cause i have that nice cool breeze calm feeling from testosterone boost i get from after dosing tamoxifen)

Thank god, man. lol.

I almost made another dumb decision to take Testim for three weeks just to see what happens lol but like that would probably shut me down and then I would have a LONG restart to go through again.

Doing one tube and realizing ok this aint that great i dont even feel good on it is comforting.

Cause it's like, im not missing much!! lol

Even sex wise the gel is cumbersome and im always worrying about transferrance.

So like, fuck the gel.

Tamoxifen IS the best form of "TRT" for me.

 

[Tyler81]

Mood is DEFINETLY worse on gel. *not clear foggy headed

Mood is DEFINETLY better on tamoxifen (endogenous) testosterone. *more clear headed

 

[Tyler81]

I really wish TRT worked for me like it works for everyone else but ah well.

I gave it a good 6-7 years and now i've accepted I just do better without it. !

 

[Tyler81]

I also think there is something about endogenous testosterone that feels better.
I cant exactly put my finger on it but like the past few weeks ive been feeling healthier and healthier in my mind body and spirit eating healthy foods and working out really hard and today when I applied exogenous testosterone I felt good initially but by days end I felt bloated and estrogenic and unhealthy. I had thrown my system out of wack again just as it was reaching a nice homeostatis.

So no more of this shit. That's it.

I have fucked up twice now but minor fuckups cause just one tube each time.

The last time I fucked up it took about a week for my body to feel balanced again.

I dont think im shut down but i will probably have a somewhat lousy week this week before I am back in balance. Which is fine. I fucked up. I can live with a lousy week.

After that, no more second guessing myself.

 

[Tyler81]

I'm gonna have to get used to having a mediocre libido for awhile. The reason i've fucked up twice is because of performance anxiety in bed. I am going to get a Rx for cialis and that should calm me down and allow me to relax a bit and buckle in for the long haul.

 

[Tyler81]

So I feel way better on Tamoxifen versus Gel.

No mood instability
No digestion issues
My breath is better?!?!
Workouts are better
I feel stronger overall
Physique is more ripped
I feel more centered overall
Erections seem more reliable
I feel much healthier overall!!

My baseline on SERM is between 300-400 whereas when I'm off treatment and my testicles shut down I fall to 100 baseline so I'm super reliant on gel packets to function.

Right now even if I miss a Tamoxifen dose it's not the end of the world.

Gonna stick to SERM only!!

This week 5mg ED
Next week 5mg EOD
Week after 5mg E3D

E3D will be the maintenance protocol.

I have Rx for cialis so that should give me peace of mind for sexual performance.

 

[Tyler81]

My doc is on board for using very small amounts of gel twice per week for libido if I want.

He suggested half dose which is 25mg twice per week.

He says he's unsure of the impact on fertility so we would do blood tests 24 hours before gel application to monitor how my gonadotrophins are doing.

 

[Tyler81]

Everything is good on Tamoxifen EXCEPT libido. So the tiny bit of gel twice per week could be a decent solution.

 

[Tyler81]

So my protocol would look like,

Tamoxifen Sun Tues Thurs
1/2 Gel Sun Wed

It's almost like an Hcg protocol with bit of gel for dht which I've seen some guys do.

 

[Tyler81]

Thoughts?????

 

[Eman]

Everything is good on tamoxifen EXCEPT libido. So the tiny bit of gel twice per week could be a decent solution

So like, fuck the gel.

I think you're a hard man to please... You're SO back and forth with this stuff, it's crazy.

You should probably stay off of it and accept that you're not going to feel 100% all of the time. You seem to want that perfect balance constantly and it just doesn't work that way for even guys that have perfectly normal test levels.

Best of luck though, I think you're going to go ahead and keep up the vicious circle you've got going on.

 

[Tyler81]

Lol you're probably right.

Everything is good on Tamoxifen except for libido like even erections are good but the desire isn't there.

But like literally everything else is good!!!

 

[Eman]

Lol you're probably right.

Everything is good on Tamoxifen except for libido like even erections are good but the desire isn't there.

But like literally everything else is good!!!

I've seen you talk about using the gel numerous times now and each time you say it was a mistake and then rave about how endogenous testosterone is so much better.... I don't know why you keep flipping back to it if you detest exogenous testosterone so much.

I think your libido issues are psychological more than hormonal.

 

[Tyler81]

I've seen you talk about using the gel numerous times now and each time you say it was a mistake and then rave about how endogenous testosterone is so much better.... I don't know why you keep flipping back to it if you detest exogenous testosterone so much.

I think your libido issues are psychological more than hormonal.

Nah man SERM kills libdio lol that's a well known thing. DHT is good for libido.

But like overall yeah I'd prefer to stay off and prefer how I feel on my own hormones.

 

[Tyler81]

I think I'll stick with the SERM/Horny Goat Weed combo for few more weeks cause I did find the HGW was helping a bit.

 

[Eman]

Nah man SERM kills libdio lol that's a well known thing.

I've never really known very many people to have that issue, myself included. Matter of fact, my libido tends to go down AFTER I've stopped SERMs.

Still sounds like placebo to me man, you're taking a VERY low dose of Nolva, much much lower than what I'd take for PCT and be fine.

 

[Tyler81]

I've never really known very many people to have that issue, myself included. Matter of fact, my libido tends to go down AFTER I've stopped SERMs.

Your libdio increases on a SERM??

Well, I guess I'll try the Horny Goat Weed it was helping a bit. Pretty sure it's dopamergenic....

Workouts have been unreal on the SERM and overall I feel good.

 

[Eman]

Your libdio increases on a SERM??

No, it doesn't necessarily increase... I'm coming off of a high dose of testosterone when I start PCT but my libido doesn't go down when switching to a SERM. It's not until I've stopped the SERMs that it tends to go down.

 

[Tyler81]

No, it doesn't necessarily increase... I'm coming off of a high dose of testosterone when I start PCT but my libido doesn't go down when switching to a SERM. It's not until I've stopped the SERMs that it tends to go down.

Interesting.
Well everyone's brain chemistry is different. I'm on an SSRI right now too so that could be part of it. Although it helps me last longer in bed so I can't complain lol

 

[Tyler81]

Staying the course on Tamoxifen only.
This week i've taken it ED since Sunday and I definetly feel higher testosterone.
Had an unreal workout at the gym and I smell different? almost like a plasticy smell which I remember I smelled like when my testosterone levels were higher. Always waking up with morning wood and middle of the night wood too.
I also feel pretty stable and calm and centered.

Only downside is the lack of libido but I got a Rx for some cialis so that should help.

Also started taking horny goat weed again and may upp the dose on that for a few weeks.