"On the next episode of Jerry Springer"
... a father, his mental health turned upside down by years of steroid abuse. His poor son, happily engaged, finds out that his fiancee has been having sex with not only his chemically saturated father, but his MOTHER AS WELL!"
*audience gaps*
*son pulls out a gun and shoots all 3 of them*
- 1 hour later on CNN
"Hi, this is ChiChi Cobana with breaking news. On today's live airing of the Jerry Springer show, steroid abuse has ruined another family. Three guests have been shot dead in a triple homicide...."
*Statement by the DEA shortly after breaking news update*
"My name is agent Dickbag Fuckstick, I am here to give a brief announcement in light of the homicide on the popular show, jerry Springer, that has happened today. We will shortly be passing legislation to upgrade the scheduling of anabolic steroids to schedule I. Don't worry America, it is our number one priority at the present time to get these lunatics off the streets, and keep our families, our cities, and our towns safe from these dangerous drugs. Thank you."
*thunderous applause from masses of ignorant Americans*
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