Obama’s Writer Pens Trump Victory Speech
Obama’s Writer Pens Trump Victory Speech
It’s come to this: I’ve written a Donald Trump speech.
It’s not something I necessarily enjoyed doing, any more than I would enjoy channeling the voice of Kim Jong Un or a Kardashian. But Trump’s victory in New Hampshire has vaulted him to the top of the delegate race. He’s leading in dozens of other states. And since the possibility of a Trump nomination is as real as it’s ever been, I want people to be prepared for what he might sound like in a general election. I want Democrats to understand the message we could be running against, and Republicans to see how radically different their standard-bearer may sound compared to any candidate the party has ever nominated.
The reporters who cover Trump could probably recite his entire stump speech from memory. For the rest of us, only the most sociopathic soundbites tend to break through: Mexican rapists, Muslim bans, vaginal euphemisms—all the greatest hits.
Now, it may be genetically impossible for Trump to stop acting like the raving asshole that so many of us have come to know and loathe. Self-awareness has never been the forte of celebrities and demagogues. But before Donald Trump was either of those things, he was a con man, and a successful one at that. Now that Trump’s trying to close the biggest deal of his life, we should expect him to say whatever he needs to say and be whoever he needs to be.
“I am malleable,” he told The New York Times, explaining that he gets along just as well with the “fancy, Waspy Palm Beach society women” as he does with construction workers. Before New Hampshire, he told NBC that if elected president, he’ll “act differently.”
Trump knows that we live in a media age where memories are short and controversies fade as quickly as they erupt. He knows, too, that broadening his appeal may not necessarily require him to change most of his positions, or even much of his rhetoric. It may be possible for him to sand down the most grating edges of his personality without losing the punch of his central message.
I thought this theory was crazy the first time I heard it. Then I watched a few of Trump’s speeches, and I don’t think it’s crazy anymore. To show you why, I wrote a speech that I could imagine Trump deliver on the night he claims victory, with one important caveat: More than 90 percent of this draft is lifted directly from remarks and statements that Trump has already made. I just cleaned up the language, made some edits, and added a few transitions.
Enjoy. Actually, please don’t: