Good morning my fellow beast lol. Well I’m no beast but I’ve gone awhile and wanted to share.
I realized I’ll be never a pro or be this monster I wanted to be for years. It’s taken me 17 years to finally love myself and my body. I use to compare myself to Mac and all the others on here or worst even ig. I’d see these monsters and say I want to be like that.
After my show I realized I can’t hang with these guys the guy who won whole show I didn’t go against him was 24, 224 on stage 5”6 he just won his pro card. I looked at the dude that and realized damn I’m 40 he’s got me by 16 years I can never be that way
I had major post show depression for weeks, I’ve always dealt with anxiety and depression very bad in my life. I came off all gear, expect 200 a week cyp, started therapy and about 4 weeks ago finally looked in the mirror and said you know what I’m happy with myself. The last time I was happy was 23 years old before I even touched a weight I was 126 I didn’t start lifting till I was almost 30.
long story sorry but point of the story is all the years I took tons of shit I mean good amounts I was around 225 maybe at my most but wasn’t happy I thought I needed more more more. Bigger and badder than the next guy. But I’ve found peace at 190. I’m still about 3 pounds from my state weight about 10 weeks later.
it’s a lot easier to maintain then to try and grow I tell people it’s nice to eat like a normal person again I don’t force feed myself I don’t do cardio I lift everyday and I actually enjoy it before it was ok I gotta lift this body part this day, eat this today, now it’s I do what I want. Of course I eat clean but I’m happy.
Im very hard on myself like I’m sure most of are on here we always want to be better I still do but the moral of the story is you have to find your happiness no matter what size you.
i ended my last post saying I want more and I do that’s why the major life changes I want to be a father I want a family and I really needed to fix a lot of shit inside before I’d ever find that.
I hope everyone has a great day I didn’t run away I still lift I check once and awhile but mindset has changed and so have my goals. Take care and a few pics to show im not dad bod yet lol.
and I’ve gotten bloods few weeks ago the body is an amazing being off a ton of gear all my blood came back great expect a few things and my diabetes pretty much went away once my diet changed and I stoped eating so many carbs.
