I actually do have that, lol the gym is part of my identity can’t help but express my passion
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- Thread starter Sworder
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You know it’s funny. Because I got no respect from people years ago. All that started to change. It made me jaded. And the tables turned and now I’m definitely at a point where I could be respected, but I have no desire to give into that. I almost want people to hate me at this point haha. It’s real fucked up. All of it. Anyways I’m getting to far into my psychology with you.
my willpower is unmatched by anyone my age. Now you guys older on the forums? I wouldn’t say that. But younger 20s? I think my will is unmatched because these people haven’t been through the wringer like me
as far as I’m concerned, I snapped my shit and I’m still here pushing more weight than I was before. Feels pretty good
my willpower is unmatched by anyone my age. Now you guys older on the forums? I wouldn’t say that. But younger 20s? I think my will is unmatched because these people haven’t been through the wringer like me
as far as I’m concerned, I snapped my shit and I’m still here pushing more weight than I was before. Feels pretty good
Sworder
Member
Yeah, I felt the same exact way. Why all this fucking struggle for what? Just so I can wake up, work some shit job that doesn't stimulate me? Run after some girl that is fucking around on me and has no morals? You know who the problem was with? It was me, I was attracting "those" people because I was exactly like them. "Oh no I am not like that, I am not like them." And then you justify some more.
Right now, you are going to have to change your life or you will die. And yeah, at this point in time you probably don't care about living. When I got hospitalized and put on a coma, I put DNR do not resuscitate because I was really over it. Just over everything!
So five days in when I had total kidney failure, liver failure, pneumonia, ARDS, sepsis and some other goodies. They called my brother last minute because they needed power of attorney to change it or I would have died. It has taken me 2 years to finally come back and say. Now I am happy to be alive. I see it now. It took so much for me to get to this point. Finally am here, are you going to realize to drop shit and let everything go or are going to die before or at 27?
I buried my friend last May too. He had just got out of prison and I saw him the same day he got out. I could tell he was troubled and that his head wasn't right. When driving he was playing loud angry music all the signs were there of heavy stress. I am really happy I made it a point to go see him the same day he got out. I only have a couple close friends here in California. He was one of them. Stress!
You know how hard it is to look a mother in her eyes when her 29 year old son is dead and you KNEW it was going to go that way. That's exactly the way you and your friends are going to die as well. 23 so you probably have some friend that has died, you will see much more people die in the next couple years trust me on this one. Statistics is standing behind me too, I am not sitting here full of shit.
Sworder
Member
Yes, I know you do. Listen to people that want to help you.
Sworder
Member
I agree! That's why I don't play the game at all. It's a losing game, don't even try to get into that bullshit. Fuck facebook too, that's an ego game that idiots play.
So much suffering for what?! Stop living life that way, do you see any fat hippies? No, because they are chilling man! Relaxing. Stress free.
I like these last posts of yours man.
well first of all to address you seriously after these next 4 weeks I’m going back to trt to really just focus on diet and training and to give myself a break.
on regards to everything else. Time. If I’m alive in 5 years I’m sure I’ll have different perspectives on all of this. But at this moment I’m time regarding my chest I really felt like I had the one thing I needed stolen from me. So I’m doing my best to let go but part of me wants to just sit and see the world burn as well as myself because of it.
I’ll just see how it all turns out. But this chest shit. Took my soul from me. That’s why you see all these erratic angry posts from me. That’s the single reason. Shit makes me wanna see it all fall apart. I refuse to be okay with it. Then I think about other situations I could be in and it’s not so bad. But i definitely run the redline when it comes to stubbornness and rage. If I had something so special taken from me, why should anyone else just get a free pass.
For example take an ugly girl and a hot girl. There lives will have a wide range of differences. Immaculate differences. And for what ? Nothing at all. Genetics. Makes me wonder why this life even exists. That kind of unfairness in life? If there is a god. I don’t wanna day a fuckin word to him for eternity after I die. If there even is an after life. I go deep with the introspective thouhht I almost believe I could debate the creator of all of this shit over quite a few subjects that one being included. (Off topic random side thought.) but still. Shit drives me mad if I let it.
Sure I could ignore those kind of thoughts and just say whatever. But I got a burning desire to know the reason for a lot of shit because I feel the reason isn’t good enough. And I unfortunately am human so it’s impossible for me to believe that there isn’t a reason for anything. Because that’s the desire of life.
bit embarrassing posting such deep thoughts and one that will turn heads and make people say what the fuck is he talking about?! But I’ve seen too many unfair circumstances in life that were over something that no one could control. And that’s what fucks me up the most
these kind of insights come from and individual who hasn’t had the best luck, versus someone who always had everything go fairly okay for them. The difference between shallow, and character
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Rippidy Dippidy
Member
No way in hell am I reading that
Ya know my sister cheated on her husband 3 years ago. Still together, texted me on thanks giving to gossip about my obese sister and when I bitched her she asked “who am I gonna talk about (blank) with?” Like who in the fuck could be such a piece of shit. So then I went on to tell her she’s stupid and worthless for cheating on the husband of her children and she replies “it was part of my destiny” can you fucking believe that old of shit? And she’s someone who things always went okay for. So when’s her time huh? When is she going to get cancer and have a wake up call? This life is fucking bullshit
Wouldn’t ask you to
don’t worry about it man
I’m really not at the point where I care how people react to what I have to say because I know where I stand. So don’t worry about it
Sworder
Member
Can you please do the Wim Hof thing? I can order you a BP machine that you can use too. C'mon be a sport
Yeah, that's part of the 5 stages of grief. I have gone through it too, it really helped reading about this stuff. If I can understand my brain I can control it. You can too, realize you are doing this because your brain processes emotions a certain way. Make sure to get everything out! Start a personal diary here on Meso if you need to. Share as much as you need to on here, it's anonymous. Stop bullets, don't let them hit you.
You are fine, start taking concrete steps and create a plan to get out of this though. The numbers are against you so you know, it's going to be rough.
Hahah I share as much as I can, I like putting my thoughts out there for people to dissect. It may hurt but it helps. Take proactive steps to improve yourself, that will help so much in your life. We our blind to our own situation. I can analyze myself really well but I chose not to, it's a really creepy feeling because we are such flawed people. We have so much room for improvement but the first step is recognizing and having a plan. Let your issues take time, like I said it took me 2+ years and before that I was just thinking all day for 4+ years.
Rippidy Dippidy
Member
Was talking about Sworders intro but yeah
Sworder
Member
Yeah, you will. Maybe not today, but you will.
There is something juicy there! Promise.
This was an excellent example of an open-ended question that can be interpreted two ways
Not getting a blood pressure machine I don’t care honestly shuts constantly high. Last it was like 160 over 80 not gonna cry over itYeah, you will. Maybe not today, but you will.
There is something juicy there! Promise.
This was an excellent example of an open-ended question that can be interpreted two ways
HDL been 10 since August is what it is. 4 weeks and it’s recovery time
Sworder
Member
That's why you have to do something about it. Again, how do you think I "knew" your BP was high?
I gotta sleep soon
Ya I’m sleeping this has exhausted meThat's why you have to do something about it. Again, how do you think I "knew" your BP was high?
I gotta sleep soon
Sworder
Member
See, you are too high strung! Relax. Try working on that I do two big breaths and think of something happy if my mind starts going negative. You need to actively turn this around.
It's a New Year and all too
Good night
I don’t have to endure everything that you have but I also lost my mom to cancer (when I was a teenager) and had go thru memories of hospice. Live with all that.
My mentality at 23 was very similar to yours. But here I am at 44, nearly 45. I have a wife and 4 kids. At 23, I NEVER imagined that. I have my own demons, everyone does. Sworder has shared his stories with you.
Life is what you make of it. If you chose to make it an “endurance” then that’s what it will be. You’ll focus on the pain and so pain will keep happening. That’s all you will perceive. Focus on the good things, no matter how few and far between those things are.
I’m a negative person. I naturally focus on negativity. I see the pain, throw up my arms and say fuck it. I resign myself to life sucking. That’s not a good way. I have to constantly force myself to think differently. That’s when life improves. And you know what? That positivity is almost never rewarded. Life takes a dip again and it’s easy to say “fuck it” yet again. But living that way isn’t healthy. It’s not. I’ve been there and done that and self-medicated and when I finally made real changes I realized I was doing it wrong all along.
Start with simple stuff. Like I said initially, Sworder can be irritating but he is really making an effort in this thread to help you. Does he get it all correct? No. But he’s got you thinking and he’s cracked into your tough outer shell. Don’t think of this stuff so negatively. That’s not a badge of honor that you think it is. The real badge of honor comes when you turn your life around and can say you are happy for the first time in your life and you feel peace. You got the willpower. Put it to use!
movingiron88
Member
^^^^This right here^^^^
@350lift Life is what you make of it. Control your mind, control your life. You have the ability to change your outlook and to enjoy life. Let go of the things you cant control. And if it isnt life or death then fuck it, it will pass.
Also just to touch on one more topic where you state you have been through so much, more then others. Brotha, let me tell you a lot of us were dealt a shit hand. I have been beaten, abused, tortured, lost my mother, moved out on my own at 17 to escape it. Its nothing unique and even if it is guess what, you cant change the past and dont have to let it define you. You have that choice to embrace it, forget it or let it control you.
You have the choice in your life to make it what you want and right now you are making a bad life choice. You don't need to rely on others blah, blah, blagh bit more importantly you can choose to enjoy the life you were so blessed to be given.
Trust one thing, other great men have been through worse. They chose to overcome their adversity.
Keep your head up brotha I'm here if you need anything.
T&H
Well-known Member
Just wanted to say thanks for sharing everything you have. I know it's hard to do, especially here. I too have had tragedies, but not what you endured. Hang in there.
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