In The Struggle

[TA13579]

Hang in there. . Don't you fucking give up!!
D

I am sorry to hear that brother. Good news is you’re not alone in The Struggle. None of us are. I’m doing a bit of reinventing myself, right now. Thanks for sharing a bit about your story.

Thank you both for the kind words. Everyday is a struggle for me right now. Wife and I are separated as well. The car crash and the job loss caused a lot of conflict within our marriage and so she needed to go "find herself" for awhile.

@Trenbolonetax I went straight into starting a new business. Literally didn't know what else do to because the job market in IT is just straight garbage.

I know our founder personally, which is how I got the job as an intern initially way back then, so I would say I am safe. I am also high enough up in the pecking order these days that I can't see leaving voluntarily anytime soon either. Things are just different now for me as far as life goes. Kids in school, a mortgage, you know the drill. I can't go run off to work for some startup like many tech bros might do.

Keep your head up though brother. All you can do is to put yourself in the best possible position to make bold life moves. Take care of what you have power to take care of and leave the intangibles and what ifs right where they are. This means taking care of you. Self love. Mind and body! And you are in the perfect place for it.

Thank you brother. Sounds like you are in a great spot. Startups are usually not worth it unless you get in with good stock options/ownership.

Joining meso here has been good for me. I'm now back in the gym 2-3 hours a day as it's the only thing in my life that I have any damn control over.

I threw away all my alcohol bottles a few days ago, so I guess that's a good sign.

 

[BuildABro]

There is redemption in the iron my friend. Not sure how or why, but it's there. Or at least it was for me. And as you keep going and gain more trigger time its a cascading effect of positive emotions that follows. Confidence, power and ultimately self discipline/self awareness starts to creep up into your psyche. It might well grab ahold of you and never let go just like it has for many of us here. It becomes more than a way of life, it becomes a part of who you are.

Glad you are back in the gym bro. All you gotta do now is keep showing up and sooner or later the snake will bite.

Thank you both for the kind words. Everyday is a struggle for me right now. Wife and I are separated as well. The car crash and the job loss caused a lot of conflict within our marriage and so she needed to go "find herself" for awhile.

@Trenbolonetax I went straight into starting a new business. Literally didn't know what else do to because the job market in IT is just straight garbage.




Thank you brother. Sounds like you are in a great spot. Startups are usually not worth it unless you get in with good stock options/ownership.

Joining meso here has been good for me. I'm now back in the gym 2-3 hours a day as it's the only thing in my life that I have any damn control over.

I threw away all my alcohol bottles a few days ago, so I guess that's a good sign.

 

[Dirthand]

I'm now back in the gym 2-3 hours a day as it's the only thing in my life that I have any damn control over.

When nothing is making sense...... find one thing that does and focus on that until things start to fall in line. Don't just run to it. Run through it! Peace
D

 

[RandallFlagg]

Thank you both for the kind words. Everyday is a struggle for me right now. Wife and I are separated as well. The car crash and the job loss caused a lot of conflict within our marriage and so she needed to go "find herself" for awhile.

@Trenbolonetax I went straight into starting a new business. Literally didn't know what else do to because the job market in IT is just straight garbage.




Thank you brother. Sounds like you are in a great spot. Startups are usually not worth it unless you get in with good stock options/ownership.

Joining meso here has been good for me. I'm now back in the gym 2-3 hours a day as it's the only thing in my life that I have any damn control over.

I threw away all my alcohol bottles a few days ago, so I guess that's a good sign.

I know that hopeless feeling (though not claiming to be suffering the same hardships as you).

Toxic marriage for 11 years, 4 kids I felt like I forced into being born into the mess. I became temporarily disabled in 2022...spent a year at home with my wife telling me what a worthless piece of shit I was because I wasn't at work (despite needing multiple surgeries and still bringing in an income from disability insurance).

I would have sworn I would be well on my way to divorce by now...met with a lawyer in early 2023 and figured I would continue down that route.

I started counseling towards the end of 2022. The most important things I learned were 1.) we're fucked up by things that we go through in childhood. 2.) we're generally resilient enough to get through it if we can figure out what that "thing" is...and 3.) you can only control what you can control.

For me, controlling my actions and emotions became the mission (when I finally realized no one else can actually MAKE me feel sad, angry, happy or anything else in between). It's empowering to realize you don't actually HAVE to be scared/afraid/sad...(Or whatever other emotion is trying to be evoked by a toxic person)

It's 2024. I'm back at work. I'm still married. My kids are all learning the same skills I'm learning in counseling vicariously through me when learning to respond to a toxic situation. Life is far from perfect but I feel lucky and fortunate every day.

Every one of my struggles has lead me to a better place (and to a stronger place). I would never be motivated to move onward and upward without the struggles. Why on earth would we be motivated to change (and hopefully improve) if everything was cruising along great all the time? Discomfort creates a nexus for change.

For me, learning to make DYS-functional life situations FUNCTIONAL has become the goal.

Control what you can control...the rest has a way of taking care of itself...one day at a time.

 

[narta]

As the saying goes... It is what it is.

Actually the ONLY thing we can control is the emotional response we have in the things life throws at us. Sure our actions cause things to happen, but come to think of it, our emotions dictate our actions most of the time. If one can cool his head and calculate and not feel, the outcome usually is the best case scenario.

 

[Ateam2023]

As the saying goes... It is what it is.

Actually the ONLY thing we can control is the emotional response we have in the things life throws at us. Sure our actions cause things to happen, but come to think of it, our emotions dictate our actions most of the time. If one can cool his head and calculate and not feel, the outcome usually is the best case scenario.

Its the "not feel" people can't seem to get, its hard for people to shut off there feelings, but Goddamn this world would be a better place,,, imHo

 

[Dirthand]

As the saying goes... It is what it is

Ain't that the truth brother!! Some things are unchangeable.... Acceptance is the key to going forward..
The only failures are the ones that quit trying.. Me, I got heart... I won't fucking quit.. New week new struggles. Shout out the Homeboys/Homegirls that don't give the fuck up!!! Keep it pushing!
Peace
-D-

 

[TA13579]

I'm not going to quit either. Despite being depressed most days, I still drag myself to the gym and cook my meals. Have stayed away from the bottle. Reading Meso for a few hours a day lately has been very therapeutic and educational... One day at a time

 

[Trenbolonetax]

I'm not going to quit either. Despite being depressed most days, I still drag myself to the gym and cook my meals. Have stayed away from the bottle. Reading Meso for a few hours a day lately has been very therapeutic and educational... One day at a time

You nailed it…one day at a time. You know the wonderful thing about dragging yourself to the gym and cooking healthy meals? Eventually, you’ll become less depressed. Or you won’t notice it as much. But point is, you will feel better.

Kudos to staying away from the bottle. You’ve already found out what’s at the bottom each time - ain’t nothing new at the bottom of the next one. Just the same old shit.

 

[BuildABro]

One gym session, one set, or even one rep at a time. Keep things as manageable as they need to be to keep pushing forward.

None of us here woke up one morning and reinvented our lives in an instant and every facet of our repertoire just materialized spontaneously. It develops over time at a pace unique to each of us. It will for you too bro, provided you keep showing up and putting one foot in front of the other.

But what awaits you on the other side is so worth it! So keep on banging it out bro. Good times ahead!

I'm not going to quit either. Despite being depressed most days, I still drag myself to the gym and cook my meals. Have stayed away from the bottle. Reading Meso for a few hours a day lately has been very therapeutic and educational... One day at a time

 

[Dirthand]

@Hayes88
Its the first of the month.. As every first of the month i put a little money on the books of a few of my bros that was in the trenches with me.. When i say trenches.. its that sleep in rotation type shit.. Anyway i couldnt help but think about ya big dawg.. I hope you are doing the best you can.!! Tell her Dirt said hold it down!! Your a stand up dude.... Just like the guys i just send money too..
Peace
-D-

 

[Hayes88]

@Hayes88
Its the first of the month.. As every first of the month i put a little money on the books of a few of my bros that was in the trenches with me.. When i say trenches.. its that sleep in rotation type shit.. Anyway i couldnt help but think about ya big dawg.. I hope you are doing the best you can.!! Tell her Dirt said hold it down!! Your a stand up dude.... Just like the guys i just send money too..
Peace
-D-

Damn man, you gonna make me all soft over here! I actually did tell my girl about you, she got teary eyes from the support she received. Was at lawyers today and it sounds promising, at most another year they believe. Will get the news 26th November. Handle the rest will be easier with her out.

Been reading everyday here, love the input from everyone and it helps immensely with the fight ahead.
Still in the trench and more slaps since last time, but thanks to you guys and especially you @Dirthand , I have more energy, or rather positive energy to handle all the crap.

For someone who has dealt with as much as you have bro, I am sincerely in awe how solid and caring you are!

 

[laclark89]

Geez any of you guys have a pet cat?
I have 2 little girls and they do wonders for my mental health.

 

[Trenbolonetax]

Geez any of you guys have a pet cat?
I have 2 little girls and they do wonders for my mental health.

2 Maine coons and a golden retriever. Lovely animals.

 

[laclark89]

2 Maine coons and a golden retriever. Lovely animals.

Golden retrievers are sweat hearts and those Maine coons are probably the same size as it lol I’ve always wanted 1 I think its awesome how big they are, but we like to get animals from the pound and they are all mixed cats.

 

[Trenbolonetax]

Geez any of you guys have a pet cat?
I have 2 little girls and they do wonders for my mental health.

 

[Trenbolonetax]

Golden retrievers are sweat hearts and those Maine coons are probably the same size as it lol I’ve always wanted 1 I think its awesome how big they are, but we like to get animals from the pound and they are all mixed cats.

The black one is about 22 pounds and the grey one is about 15 - big ass cats for sure!

Y’all are doing God’s work. My wife always wanted Maine Coons after growing up with a ton of different rescued animals, so we decided to give it a shot!

 

[Dirthand]

Geez any of you guys have a pet cat?
I have 2 little girls and they do wonders for my mental health.

3 horses 1 tom cat..
The horses are my mother's and they like me only because I feed them.... and give out apples once a week or so.
Tom cat is my step-dads but he comes and hangs out on my porch some... we're cool with each other I guess.
Well there is also an armadillo that has forced himself into my life. But I dont have the time to explain that!

 

[HeatherSwanson]

Look at all these mother fuckers sharing the love around. Pretty great.
I wake up sometimes down in the dumps, I got zeroed out in the divorce grinder. Its been a battle rebuilding the sacrifices I made in my 20's. Then I remember I have little ones, employees that I care about, business partners that are brother whom chose each other, I know their little ones, a woman that treats me like the sun shines out of my ass, and my own extended family that relies on me.
The people that rely on me help me get up and get at it, I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it for them.
Then treat myself like I'm someone I'm in charge of taking care of. Future Heather Swanson us going to appreciate the sacrifices I'm making today.
The fact that were all here in this forum looking for more puts us all in that space, looking out for future selves so we can take care of the ones we love.
Brothers and sisters we chose, all of us.

 

[Dirthand]

hayes, I marked the 26th on my little calendar that i keep on my kitchen table of which i organize my life through.. Honestly, when you shared yesterday about the visit and the emotion.. man.. Thats fucking real and i know it.. That really made made my day.. Its ok to be soft in the right ways.. Its not comfortable but better than being the latter. I read in a book somewhere that said Guard your heart for out of it is the wellspring of life.. What we let into our hearts will be the difference in weather that wellspring spews bitter water or fresh good water..

Wow I started this thread 2 weeks ago this morning.. I just knew i was estrogenic.. I pulled labs the following monday and mine was crashed at 7.4..... Cant blame it on that.... DAM IT.. Will be checking again on monday hopefully its in a more suitable range.

So in the last 2 weeks i have ventured out of my comfort zone a little IRL to be a little more social.. It ended up just being full of lies and manipulation which i knew from the get go but was bored so just went with it. The old dirt wrote the book on that shit.. Im not gonna live that that anymore so finally put a full stop to that last night.. Now a little note for Chad.. Yeah bud i got the 411. I encourage you to just be you.. Be real with people, be real with yourself.. Either way your secret is safe with me.. I dont judge, aint got no room to... Myself I can say besides the 3% bullshit factor everything i say, think and feel on here is 97% real deal.. Yes there really is a fucking armadillo.
PEACE
-D-