FLTestlab
New Member
Thats hot!
MESO-Rx
Anabolic Steroids
Death
- Thread starter Sworder
- Start date
johntt44
New Member
Ever see that movie "Evolution"? " It looks like a giant loogie!"
FLTestlab
New Member
Yes with Julian Morre. Nice movie. I see once in a while shuttles going up from my backyard since im in Spacecoast FL. Its a trip to see and just know that they are going to space/out of this world.
johntt44
New Member
Oh you live right by there? I live on the Suncoast below Tampa bay. My work is 50mi e of me.
FLTestlab
New Member
Cool. Yea not far from me. Lol small world lol
Sworder
Member
Wow! That's cool, I get a funny feeling seeing that stuff live.
I have a friend in Florida, I want to be there to see one of the rocket launches. I want to feel that shock-wave from launch.
johntt44
New Member
There was another one I saw about 5yrs ago. It actually ripped a hole in the atmosphere above me! I could see literally thousands of stars in it for a minute! It was about 5am and still dark.
FLTestlab
New Member
Must of been sick to watch that one!
FLTestlab
New Member
I remember when one of my brothers was in school in South Dakota and used to visit him, we would see everything and I mean everything! Nebulas like orions neb. You can see the pink and purple with your very own eyes or betrer with just binoculars. Bo need to use a good telescope. The night sky out there makes you really think.
I’ll be excited to die. (Not really) I get to ask why my life went the fucked up way it went. What the point of it all was.
then I get to never talk to anyone or the one who brought me into existence for the rest of eternity.
ya know some people are nuts. No offense to my aunt, her husband passed from liver cancer when I was young. My uncle who was awesome woulda been good to have him by my side through all this shit.
Her other husband died recently random heart attack around Christmas out of nowhere.
I just can’t grasp what life is. She literally thinks that she will be in heaven riding horses, her answer for everything bad happening in life is “the devil owns this world”
im turning 24 soon. And I feel like I’m miles ahead self awareness wise than some other people. (And in some other areas miles behind)
it’s like so much shit has happened to her and the fact that she’s getting old is causing her to just automatically believe in god and the afterlife like some sort of denial.
Straight up believing all this stuff with 0 proof like she’s seen it with her own eyes.
I’ve been so torn up and feel like I’m 80 years old having lived many lives. I’m almost ok with never seeing my family again when I die. Completely dissociated myself due to pain between relationships.
Some people live to have people by them and good company. But for me I’d rather live for purpose and accomplish. (Dopamine driven instead of serotonin)
I donno man. I don’t get it.
then I get to never talk to anyone or the one who brought me into existence for the rest of eternity.
ya know some people are nuts. No offense to my aunt, her husband passed from liver cancer when I was young. My uncle who was awesome woulda been good to have him by my side through all this shit.
Her other husband died recently random heart attack around Christmas out of nowhere.
I just can’t grasp what life is. She literally thinks that she will be in heaven riding horses, her answer for everything bad happening in life is “the devil owns this world”
im turning 24 soon. And I feel like I’m miles ahead self awareness wise than some other people. (And in some other areas miles behind)
it’s like so much shit has happened to her and the fact that she’s getting old is causing her to just automatically believe in god and the afterlife like some sort of denial.
Straight up believing all this stuff with 0 proof like she’s seen it with her own eyes.
I’ve been so torn up and feel like I’m 80 years old having lived many lives. I’m almost ok with never seeing my family again when I die. Completely dissociated myself due to pain between relationships.
Some people live to have people by them and good company. But for me I’d rather live for purpose and accomplish. (Dopamine driven instead of serotonin)
I donno man. I don’t get it.
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FLTestlab
New Member
Sorry here that bud. But Funny you mentioned dopamine, because scientist discovered that when we die our brain/system gets flooded with dopamine. They say that is what causes all the hallucinations of seeing lights, cross, tunnels and family members while dieing. In addition, our brains are still active after death for a certain amount of time. Crazy stuff
Sworder
Member
I have felt that way many times, especially these last couple years. The original post is 7 years old. I like reading my old posts, at the time I thought I knew what I was talking about. We all do, but I realize now that I was clueless throughout my 20s. If I could advise myself of one thing it would be "don't think you know so much." The firmer you believe in something, the less likely you are to change your opinion. Be open to the fact you are developing as a human. Listen to your gut. Trust people, no need to shoulder all the weight alone. Nobody likes to be lonely, find strength and joy through other people. Happiness comes a lot from others, it's a funny game of giving and taking. That is what makes people happy, making each other happy and finding security with each other. That's basically what we are doing here, relating to one another and supporting each other.
The world can seem so cold and distant. And it is if you make it that way. I made it that way for a long time because I was hurt and scared. Let sh!t go!
Change the rules on what controls you, and you will be able to change what you can control.
I think the best term to use is stressed.
She knows what she is talking about.
You are! Also, no need to grow up so damn fast. Smile more in life, take it less serious!
A lot of people do that to cope with stressful situations. Drugs and prison creates religious people
Somethin about dmt as well, the dream chemical (could be a bunch a scientific pseudo bullshit who knows)
I have felt that way many times, especially these last couple years. The original post is 7 years old. I like reading my old posts, at the time I thought I knew what I was talking about. We all do, but I realize now that I was clueless throughout my 20s. If I could advise myself of one thing it would be "don't think you know so much." The firmer you believe in something, the less likely you are to change your opinion. Be open to the fact you are developing as a human. Listen to your gut. Trust people, no need to shoulder all the weight alone. Nobody likes to be lonely, find strength and joy through other people. Happiness comes a lot from others, it's a funny game of giving and taking. That is what makes people happy, making each other happy and finding security with each other. That's basically what we are doing here, relating to one another and supporting each other.
The world can seem so cold and distant. And it is if you make it that way. I made it that way for a long time because I was hurt and scared. Let sh!t go!
Change the rules on what controls you, and you will be able to change what you can control.
I think the best term to use is stressed.
She knows what she is talking about.
You are! Also, no need to grow up so damn fast. Smile more in life, take it less serious!
A lot of people do that to cope with stressful situations. Drugs and prison creates religious people
I don’t know how to smile or be happy. I know how to power through shit. And I like music. And lifting weights. I’m good with it
I don’t do well in ordinary small talk situations. It’s out of place.
I’d do better under shit than relaxing and conversing. Probably why I can’t lift unless I’m destroying myself.
Sworder
Member
I know you think I am this crazy guy. But I can relate to you a lot more than you know.
You can't smile because you are worrying yourself! About everything, your looks, your family or lack there of, guilt and shame. All that is weighing on your mind and you need to let that go!
You are creating all these problems for yourself. I know it is a radical concept but I am being serious. Learn how to meditate and have your mind be empty, that should help quiet that voice that is giving you stress in your head. That sounds funny and I would never have listened if I were you in my 20s. But start listening to things people tell you over and over.
I don’t think ur crazy I just think you’re trying too hard to be analytical. Lol.
Not in this post I don’t think that though.
nah I like being stressed it gives me a rush now. Being happy and content is just... gives me anxiety now. Out of place.
The scars sent me over the edge honestly. I’d be so different if that didn’t happen.
That shits stamped on me for life so I don’t see no reason to appreciate life anymore it’s only been shit since I could jerk off. In all aspects.
I’m good with it. I just wanna achieve my bodybuilding goals and die and forget this nightmare.
can ya imagine what would happen if I took this void and placed it in a wife who ended up cheating on me? I’d snap 10x more than I already have.
I’m here for myself and that’s it. And I’m doing my best to keep this rage inside me because it’s a lot.
Sworder
Member
I am not trying to be analytical, it is screaming out to me.
No, you don't like being stressed! You are justifying, read my first post again. If you try to destroy him, he will destroy you. That's what is happening. It's your EGO!
This is your problem! You are thinking the scars do this and that. NOBODY CARES BUT YOU BUDDY!!! You know how people are concerned about their weight and they talk about it the whole time. It is because it is huge in their mind. But do you care if somebody is a little fat? Do you pay attention to that and make that their whole being? No? Then why are you doing it on yourself? You are beating yourself up man! It needs to stop.
Think about the people you love and their imperfections, we all have them. Does that make or break them? NO! Why are you breaking yourself.
People can feel that energy and aura from you and that's why they are repelled. If you start loving yourself and DROP THE WEIGHT you will start radiating love and comfort. People, animals and kid will be drawn to you. It's beautiful man.
That's how you feel! I am sure you have looked at people whom are disabled or have worse scars but they are happy and you aren't. The reason is because they don't let it consume them. YOU need to let it go. It's all in your head.
That is sweet of you, you do care about people but you don't know how to show it. You feel like you can't make anybody happy so you isolate. Your only problem is self love. Drop the weight, love you for you. Not your physique, your smarts or any accomplishments. You family and mother loves you unconditionally, you need to do the same. You don't need to accomplish anything to prove you are smart or good. You are smart and beautiful already.
Let it out in a healthy way! Drop all the pain, guilt, sorrow, blame, need to prove yourself. Drop it!
I like writing, many times I write here because it is therapeutic for me. Find an outlet and start living with less stress.
Sworder
Member
Sworder
Member
Here is the thing. I do not like envisioning my dead body. I do not like imagining my vision slowly fading to black. I don't like the looks from people when they see my body.
CREEPY! UGH! Something to work on I guess.
"Meditation on inevitable death should be performed daily. Every day when one's body and mind are at peace, one should meditate upon being ripped apart by arrows, rifles, spears and swords, being carried away by surging waves, being thrown into the midst of a great fire, being struck by lightning, being shaken to death by a great earthquake, falling from thousand-foot cliffs, dying of disease or committing seppuku at the death of one's master. And every day without fail one should consider himself as dead." -
Yamamoto Tsunetomo, Hagakure
CREEPY! UGH! Something to work on I guess.
"Meditation on inevitable death should be performed daily. Every day when one's body and mind are at peace, one should meditate upon being ripped apart by arrows, rifles, spears and swords, being carried away by surging waves, being thrown into the midst of a great fire, being struck by lightning, being shaken to death by a great earthquake, falling from thousand-foot cliffs, dying of disease or committing seppuku at the death of one's master. And every day without fail one should consider himself as dead." -
Yamamoto Tsunetomo, Hagakure
