The people want 'Dr.' Goose!
Remember Noah_k? you were my SECOND friend when I arrived here in earnest to begin to learn and learn to share. It was a rocky time but I was,and still am glad I came this way! I'd be less than honest if I said it has all been a bed of roses, But I have steadily worked toward my goal of meeting new and certainly interesting people to share the journey. I have rarely been one to concern myself too staunchly with what others say or do to derail me from my goals and now is no different. There is definitely a new element to this attitude,however, because I myself am interested in reciprocating by availing myself whenever possible, to anyone at any time, if I can be of any use to a Brother here on Meso. I am NOT ensuring that I can be but I da** sure will do my level best! Personal Insight: Sometimes I spew bravado when Im really feeling overwhelmed by life,not unlike some others. What we do here at Meso can have such powerful, far-reaching ramifications both together and as individuals. I have been sober going on nine years. So what? Big deal! Well it sure as he** is to me. Since I came here at the end of 2011, some very important people(in my clique) on this board have buyoed me at very critical junctures and truthfully,had it NOT been for these persons, I may not be alive. Again..So what?, Big deal! Well I have a new grandson who may someday appreciate their efforts, as do I. Why am I risking telling of my innermost secrets? For now it is one of the most significant ways I've thought of to say "thank you, sincerely" for your efforts. Someday maybe I can do more. I sure hope so. It would be an exercise(an exercise on Meso of a different stripe) in futility were I to try and thank these people individually as sometimes they may not be aware that they were(are) of the utmost significance in my maintaining this personal liberty. Ive a feeling many of you ARE aware of who you are to me! Yes,I am a bit shaken by doing this here and now so overshadowed and so close chronologically to a much different and grander struggle for independence. I guess I'm afraid I'll be rejected out of hand ..I hope I NEVER lose that sense of fear as fear can be a valuable commodity. If this sounds corny, then so be it! If I seem weak, no worries because Ive grown exponentially since arriving. Really, Men, I think part of me wants to just say" Hey..I'm Here! and for what its worth,Im alive and now have some Awesome Friends RIGHT HERE ON MESO RX!!!"
Thank you all so much for allowing me to try to exorcise this very real demon. I used to think that I'd participated in some very frightening and daunting challenges. Boy was I wrong! Ive not been this petrified in a long time.I used to think self-disclosure was largely optional, but in this case I had little, if any choice. If I hoped to end my days still sober AND somewhat at peace, I had to continue to reach out for support and pray it came. How dare I take up Ya'lls time? again,I HAD to! I have reversed myself once more and this time I choose to live..as non-controversially as a fellow like me can. Please try to understand. It was a full-pardon or life beneath a rock. I wasnt sure if I would EVER make it as a civilian and yet the jury is still out. Again, I wanted to live and was forced above-ground. I've tried a number of approaches to fit in, And this seemed like my only way. As usual, probably an unconventional way but I'm an unconventional man(and some might add a bit eccentric, or worse) Finally I had to choose a forum and sub-forum exactly as these two are.."the Underground" and "Mass Spec." Mass Spec" especially because I believe that a Mass spec. is Science,as we know it's Best Chance at revealing a thing for what it truly is: No ifs,ands nor buts. I suppose I tried to identify with M.S./G.C. God help me! And I shall close now,finally,By asking my friends to remain so and those who dont like me to please, try again. If your not sure..at least give it a shot!! I do this,not for sympathy but only to reinforce that which I feel when I offer friendship, it is as a minor historical guide on my psyche. For me, friendship is forever and all-encompassing. Nothing is left off of the table. By asking those who dont care for me to please try again as I say, that which may have may been a barrier to friendship may feel I am ever-changing as a person and what could never have been may now be likely. And those who dont know..well, aside from being what some say eccentric, I feel it is worth trying as a friend of mine endures likely forever and to whatever benefit friendship brings. Seems oddly formulaic but it is true friendsfor life!
Best Regards Always,Goose