Wow, this actually EXACTLY describes it.
To be fucking honest, it's Always my fault.
Whatever fight we had, she even used the terms like "you just don't want to accept its your fault" - even when I didn't do anything and a fight happened due to her.
It might sound stupid, but even at the last fight, when I found her messages, and I kid you not, that's how mentally she got into me, I had to close my eyes to loudly tell her that it's all her fault actually, for doing dumb shit like texting her ex.
Even then I was being the bad guy and she was still telling me it's all because of myself.
And that's a big reason, because I always thought I DID some wrong shit and have to better myself, without actually doing wrong things.
You hit too close to home with your post my friend.
Iiterally have needed to write down a list too, exactly that same thing you mentioned.
To always remember myself I'm not a bad guy, I just got played really really bad and women are really great at giving others the fault for their bullshit.
To add in, I even once told her, in a few weeks, or months, she's going to realize how good of a person I actually was to her, for trying anything to make her happy and stuff, and even though I'm young (14 years younger than her), I'm trying everything to make her feel wanted and needed and I try my best to learn by any mistake I do, due to me having less experience in regards to relationships than she does, and life in general.
You can't even imagine how fast she was, to spam me and make me feel way worse by turning my argument around and telling me how much I was the one, going to regret my loss about her.
I was at the brink of being able to let go of her with my argument, but as soon as she turned it around like above, I had the insanely crazy need to "make up for being the bad guy who made a mistake and safe this relation ship" - even tho I didn't do much wrong there either.
You hit the spot, hah
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