Appreciate the clarification on your part.
When I say the fact is we had to pay more, it’s surrounding proving infertility. For a straight couple on my insurance, to get infertility benefits they have to just tell the insurance company they’ve been trying to get pregnant for 12 months at home the “old fashioned way”. For my wife and I, we have to “prove” we’ve been trying for 12 months by showing receipts of our clinic IUI attempts, at roughly $1000 a piece plus sperm cost. For people who deal with infertility, they know that 12 rounds of IUI is unheard of. Normally after 3 or 4 rounds, a doctor is suggesting IVF. So that benefit is virtually non-existent to us, and I’ve actually heard of people who have done the 12 rounds, applied to the insurance company for the benefit now that they can “prove” to them their infertility, and be denied coverage of infertility treatment (insurance-paid IUI) because clearly it doesn’t work for them. It’s a really fucked system. My point was that on my insurance, If I were a man, we would have saved about $12k, and that’s fucked. Thankfully we can afford this, but only because we both make 6-figure salaries. Average income couples would not.
I took no offense to the second part tho, were all gluttons for punishment having kids because they grow up and become nightmares lol