Unit, you are being way too hard on yourself, dude! You've put together a great physique on just trt, at 40. Not many guys over 6'5" tall with your symmetry, muscle, and leanness.
Be proud of where you are as you strive for more. Too many of us in this game convincing ourselves that what we are isn't good enough - if only we were 10 lbs thicker, 15 lbs lighter, 3% BF lower, etc.
That lack of satisfaction can be a great motivator, but it can also be what keeps you from ever enjoying what you've already accomplished.
Keep up the great work, man!