In The Struggle

[Dirthand]

What's up people?? Just a little warning this may not be in perfect paragraph form..

I like to see people in their struggle. Not because I like to see people have hardships or go through things. Its because you get to see what someone is made of in the struggle, Who they are, you get to see their heart. Do they lay their getting kicked waiting for rescue, or do they come up swinging and fight for their life. Everybody goes through shit. Here lately i have been struggling with some of life's shit. ( just as everyone does)

I use the Meso forum as an outlet and inlet. Here lately in the struggle i have been looking to my Meso community for some inspiration, unfortunately most of what i have found has not been too inspiring.. I am guilty of contributions of the chaos at times for sure. ( my apologies Fam)

So I guess the idea of the thread is that i will share a little of my struggle and what i am going to do about it. Hopefully this will spark some positive feedback and interaction to where other people feel comfortable sharing their there struggle and what they are doing about. The struggles that we overcome could very well inspire somebody at the just right time and be the difference of them laying there getting kicked to death or having the courage to fight.

Make no mistake Dirt's coming up like a biting dog, i will not lay their and get kick. I first thing i will do when i get on my feet is turn around and help the people up that I've knocked down on my way up. You know the ones that was kicking me, and forgive them. weather that be people, circumstances, Principals, SELF. You cant spread positivity with negativity in your heart. @Ghoul I've resented you for some things please forgive me.

My struggle has been isolation, i deal with some institutionalization. Its just easy not to deal with people.. I ventured out on that, and it didn't turn out well. Life started to not make sense. My feelings and emotions overwhelmed me because i just simply haven't had to deal with that kind of shit in years.. I have found that when things don't makes sense you find the one thing that does and focus on that until things start to fit elsewhere. The one thing in my life that has made sense the last couple years is my physical fitness journey. It has taught me a lot about discipline, self control, structure and allowed me to see just what i am made of. i had broke from that a little so I took back up with @type11x as my coach to help me get my focus back on the things that make sense to me. i appreciate the Deuce for taking me back!!

Folks you may just laugh at this.. and that's ok.. if its not you thing keep it pushin. However Fuckers, I want to be inspired an in return i want to be a positive and supporting influence in other peoples lives and help them be their best. Weight training, weight loss, fitness, all of this is a good healthy outlet to get your focus on track. Nobody can tell you your struggle is wrong or right... its yours, dont let anyone take that from you.

List of core values
Affirmation
Restoration
Community
Accountability
Responsibility

Come on fuckers lets lift each other up.
Peace
-D-

 

[Ghoul]

It's all good brother, Even in heated disagreements, I feel you're genuine and your underlying motivations are positive.

In the middle of one of my usual 6 on 1 forum battles, you said you wanted something "actionable" from me, regarding the point I was making. Powerful, inescapable logic.

That's shaped the way I've framed every topic I've brought up since, here and IRL. The "Dirthand Effect".

So there's a little of the feedback you've been lacking in isolation. You're astute, observant, and use those qualities to move the world in a positive direction.

 

[BuildABro]

This is an inspiring post bro and one I wish we saw more of around here. I am of a similar belief that it's our trials and tribulations that define us, not our victories.

All of us have our own unique set circumstances and problems, most of which outsiders will never be able to fully grasp or understand, especially in the context of the internet. It's easy to cast stones at anyone who does not fit into our preconceived notions of what this lifestyle is supposed to encompass. I am as guilty of this as anyone else. However, a true sense of community that this place has the potential to be comes from attempting to find common ground and understanding, not devolving into glorified factions of others who share the same modus operandi that we do.

So yeah bro, I admire your courage in posting this. It is sorely needed and I hope it can serve as a catalyst for others to follow along. I will start with myself. I would like to bury all the pettiness of the last few weeks and forge ahead anew. And to anyone who I have offended with my typical bro bravado and arrogance, I am truly sorry.

Go Hogs!

 

[Benf15harp]

 

[Dirthand]

The "Dirthand Effect".

LOL

positive direction.

I have had you ignore.. since taking that off i see that the manner in which you have been interacting is different.. How knows maybe you was going through something a while back that was fueling The way you were lashing out at people. Due to the resentment i was harboring i did not look at it from that veiw. If so I hope that things are good for you. Either way I think you have made positive changes in the way you handle conflict resolution.. Good Job!
Peace

common ground and understanding,

There is nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree!

it's our trials and tribulations that define us,

Most defiantly, thank you guys for sharing your thoughts!
Peace
D

 

[AlexDavis43]

Make no mistake Dirt's coming up like a biting dog, i will not lay their and get kick.

Roll Tide brother.

 

[Dirthand]

Roll Tide brother.

Shit...woo pig soooie!!

 

[Hayes88]

Woke up feeling mentally horrible and for some reason this post is the first I saw, then went to youtube and videos of curses and loneliness popped up, life has a funny way of leading you somewhere.

I am struggling and for each week it's getting worse. I have sought help which isn't helping, I don't sleep anymore, sleep medication has stopped helping. I did find a nice touch though that reminded me of above from a youtube video.

He said "There are whole sections of self-help books and hundreds of podcast talking about how to be successful, how to find love, how to be happy. However, there are no books or podcasts on how to help others. People are ill-equipt how to understand and deal with others emotions and bring them to light. First fault is to try and fix their problems, don't do that. I have one rule to my friends, that is to not cry alone. Call me and vent, I will listen, but never cry alone."

I resonated with that, as when issues become so big and you seek a hand, but the reponse is making you feel worse or not enough, you go back into yourself more and feel it's no use. A friend of mine said "I just wish someone would just say life is shit right now and sit with me". Lashing out is just another side of the same coin.

Sorry for rambling, but I think you ended it perfectly with core values and lift each other up. Solitude in all honor, but most of us need human connection way more, or rather meaningful, than we get. And if we get stronger within ourselves, we can hopefully help the next guy, and in that a positive domino effect.

 

[tcri]

This is exactly what I didn't expect to see when I signed up for a board such as this. But, I hope things are working out, and other such platitudes.

In all honesty though, I have seen members contributing and arguing, and collaborating, some of which you were part of, positively from what I could tell, and it seems like most are generally doing their best.

I attempt to live my life, in support of others, to the best of my ability, via career path and extracurriculars. Life has a way of veering you from that path, and to do anything less than keep recorrecting is a disservice. The path may not be straight, and you may have to look inward at bias, that you yourself didn't realize you had, but recorrect, analyze, calculate, plan, etc, to keep on that path.

That is my inarticulate bit, I wish I possessed the language skills to express my true sentiment.

 

[Dirthand]

Woke up feeling mentally horrible and for some reason this post is the first I saw, then went to youtube and videos of curses and loneliness popped up, life has a funny way of leading you somewhere.

I am struggling and for each week it's getting worse. I have sought help which isn't helping, I don't sleep anymore, sleep medication has stopped helping. I did find a nice touch though that reminded me of above from a youtube video.

He said "There are whole sections of self-help books and hundreds of podcast talking about how to be successful, how to find love, how to be happy. However, there are no books or podcasts on how to help others. People are ill-equipt how to understand and deal with others emotions and bring them to light. First fault is to try and fix their problems, don't do that. I have one rule to my friends, that is to not cry alone. Call me and vent, I will listen, but never cry alone."

I resonated with that, as when issues become so big and you seek a hand, but the reponse is making you feel worse or not enough, you go back into yourself more and feel it's no use. A friend of mine said "I just wish someone would just say life is shit right now and sit with me". Lashing out is just another side of the same coin.

Sorry for rambling, but I think you ended it perfectly with core values and lift each other up. Solitude in all honor, but most of us need human connection way more, or rather meaningful, than we get. And if we get stronger within ourselves, we can hopefully help the next guy, and in that a positive domino effect.

Real talk brother! You said it when you said , its ok to not be ok sometimes.... That is defiantly ok.. I think part of the problem with not being equipped to understand and deal with others emotions stems for people not knowing how to deal and cope with their own..

I was talking someone that was going through some emotional distress of a break-up the other day. They was telling me about how horrible their relationship had become.. I put it to her like this: both of their cups was empty and they was looking to one another to fill each others cup... They neither had anything to pour into each others cup, so all it brought was emptiness, resentment, hatred and the likes.. Each person is responsible for filling their own cup. You dont want to wonder around with a half empty glass looking to take from someone else with a half empty glass leaving theirs empty.. or visa versa.. you want to fill your cup .. then wonder around and find someone else with a full cup and spill over into each other. Thats with friendships, relationships or what ever..

Either way big dawg I appreciate you sharing. To reach out to people in need was exactly the intent of the whole thought of this.. I struggle...but do not be mistaken my cup is full.. Do not hesitate to reach out via PM or however if you need or want to.. Throw you hands up and start swinging.. ill ride with ya..
Peace
-D-

 

[Dirthand]

it seems like most are generally doing their best.

Thats all we can ask of others is to do their best.. Sometimes people need to be reminded of what their "best" is.
You expressed yourself perfectly, and i appreciate you for that!
Peace
-D-

 

[bigMoJo]

"The Dirthand Effect." That's a profound compliment from @Ghoul , I don't think I've seen that from him. That's how you kick ass bro... you earn respect. You're kicking ass!

Life is one struggle after another... just like training is one set after another, one day after another... it never ends. You just keep improving... you just keep f***ing going.

I could write out my struggles, but I don't give a flying shit about any of that. I just keep f***ing going. Keep f***ing going bro!

p.s.: To your "List of core values," I would add "sex." That's very important too. Like top 3 for me... well, maybe #1.

 

[Dirthand]

To your "List of core values," I would add "sex." That's very important too. Like top 3 for me... well, maybe #1.

Amen brother.. the one i forgot to add was
Integrity..
Sex is cool to i reckon.. Myself ive Been celibate for 6 years this week actually.. Not to macho but, It use to be just as important to me as anything.... Priorities' just changed..

 

[bigMoJo]

Amen brother.. the one i forgot to add was
Integrity..
Sex is cool to i reckon.. Myself ive Been celibate for 6 years this week actually.. Not to macho but, It use to be just as important to me as anything.... Priorities' just changed..

My post was finally approved... it was on "hold" waiting for admin approval, lol.

Celibate? Good for you bro. No one can "knock" you for a choice.

So... just curious... can a person (I mean, I would ask this if someone was 'vegan' or something), technically speaking of course, spank the wank and remain within the guidelines of being celibate?

 

[Dirthand]

So... just curious... can a person (I mean, I would ask this if someone was 'vegan' or something), technically speaking of course, spank the wank and remain within the guidelines of being celibate?

Oh maybe.. i kind of worded wrong.. I have no code of ethics behind this.. I ran tren for 8 months this year... of coarse a little tug is necessary... I was locked up for a little over 4 years and only been free for 18 months or so.. I just never got around to to it.. I have defiantly had outright offers.. Just due to a lifestlye change and a change of heart... i would just like to wait until i meet the right person. At this point im afraid i might fall in love with a chick just by giving her a fucking hug.. lol. I dont want to give my heart to the wrong person... I know really fucking lame for a steroid forum but.. you asked and thats what it is.. My previous life had more of that kind of stuff than i care own up to.. i dont want to live like that anymore..
Peace
-D-

 

[bigMoJo]

Oh maybe.. i kind of worded wrong.. I have no code of ethics behind this.. I ran tren for 8 months this year... of coarse a little tug is necessary... I was locked up for a little over 4 years and only been free for 18 months or so.. I just never got around to to it.. I have defiantly had outright offers.. Just due to a lifestlye change and a change of heart... i would just like to wait until i meet the right person. At this point im afraid i might fall in love with a chick just by giving her a fucking hug.. lol. I dont want to give my heart to the wrong person... I know really fucking lame for a steroid forum but.. you asked and thats what it is.. My previous life had more of that kind of stuff than i care own up to.. i dont want to live like that anymore..
Peace
-D-

That's Strong Bro.
Honestly, I'm the same... not a playboy, 1 woman at a time, and I'm picky. I was only kidding about the "sex" stuff. I joke... maybe too much.
Serious respect and admiration to you!

 

[T&H]

Been around a while and recall a few support threads, though there have been a number of addiction recovery threads at times. Fact is many here don't talk about life struggles. Mainly because this is a harm reduction board, or they don't want to admit. Doesn't matter the reason, not a subject discussed often.

Regardless of the lack of threads on the topic, everyone goes thru ups and downs. Isolation has been a battle for me as well, as has substance abuse. Been reminded that admitting and discussing it breaks the power it has, like light penetrates darkness.

Just some of my thoughts on the matter. You aren't alone in the fight!

 

[BuildABro]

Met my wife sophomore year in Fayetteville. We have been together ever since. It sounds cheesy, but even in those very early stages I just knew it was game over for me.

We are very much.opposites in almost every conceivable way. She grew up well to do in the Little Rock burbs. Me the redneck from the middle of nowhere. She’s the life of the party and talks to everyone. I’m pretty reserved and stick to just my tight circle of friends I have known my whole life. Somehow we just work together nonetheless. We never fight, we still hold hands and make our like teenagers, and even 2 kids and going on a decade later I still a smitten little boy in many ways.

You can’t force it bro. It has to be organic, but it does probably require you to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there a bit. Your queen is out there, and she will probably come along when you least expect it.

Oh maybe.. i kind of worded wrong.. I have no code of ethics behind this.. I ran tren for 8 months this year... of coarse a little tug is necessary... I was locked up for a little over 4 years and only been free for 18 months or so.. I just never got around to to it.. I have defiantly had outright offers.. Just due to a lifestlye change and a change of heart... i would just like to wait until i meet the right person. At this point im afraid i might fall in love with a chick just by giving her a fucking hug.. lol. I dont want to give my heart to the wrong person... I know really fucking lame for a steroid forum but.. you asked and thats what it is.. My previous life had more of that kind of stuff than i care own up to.. i dont want to live like that anymore..
Peace
-D-

 

[Dirthand]

Isolation has been a battle for me as well, as has substance abuse. Been reminded that admitting and discussing it breaks the power it has, like light penetrates darkness.

Just some of my thoughts on the matter. You aren't alone in the fight!

There is truth in that for sure bout something having power over you when you try and hide it, whether it be from yourself or from others. I am not dealing with depression on anything, just feel like i need to make some changes.. I struggled with severe addictions since i was 14 years old. If you hand to drink it, snort it , smoke it or inject it...... it was deffo for me.. next week will be 6 years since i have touched Tabacco or any form of narcotic.. You got to fight through... you are worth so much more than that shit.. Thanks for stopping by the struggle.
Peace
-D-

 

[Dirthand]

it does probably require you to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there a bit.

I kinda did that twice here recently.. One was totally unintentionally and an unrealistic situation, i messed it up somehow.. the other was an intentional step out the zone thing and was a horrible disaster. A girl had been pushing in pretty hard but i knew she had just got out of a situation so i said she could come over.. she showed up a day late.. lol then on wednesday she just quit talking to me... Fuck not again.. Well you never know peoples reasons or what they are going through. she called me and came by to see me today, ;ast wednesday she found out she was 3 months pregnant by her strung out on meth ex.. I though it was about me... Poor girl is devastated.. She has a road ahead of her.. and now a friend to lean on...
Peace