I had a DREAM the other NIGHT. I was in this casino. It seemed like it was a Biloxi Boat for half the time, and a Vegas hotel style casino the rest. It startled me. The association I was having with the boat casino was that I was righteous and vindicated - a winner. in the vegas one, I was in a bit of "self-doubt". The matter is as follows. I was winning at the blackjack table (which the only way to beat them there is to Out cheat them
, but there was some 15K which the "pitt bosses" were at odds with me being in possession of... I WAS NOT SURE if I had won the money and they were trying to take it back, or if I stole it somehow in unfair play and they were giving me the OPTION to pay it back... I do recall that i was COMMITTED to giving them the CASH regardless cause I did not want the headache, but somehow, things did not "time out"...
CLEARLY, I recall packing a bag in a land based hotel room and looking up to see the big guy come in and two of his associates close the door behind him. I was bent over at the foot of the bed across the room trying to shovel my last shit in my bag. I think the plan was to drop the money at the door on the way out... THE LONG AND SHORT is that I had this TERRIFYING KNOWLEDGE that they were NO LONGER there to NEGOTIATE. They were there to do business and be done with me - as I said a couple of word in attempt and POWERFULLY DISREgARDED. They wasted no time. I saw some communication between them as the door shut and the big guy looked over at me, raised a gun, and shot me in the neck. IT HURT LIKE A BITCH.. I next recall them standing over me at the foot of this bed having more QUICK CONVERSATION. I remember laying there with the feeling that a bullet had gone all the way thru my neck, and was basically poking out the other side. There was blood flowing, but no arteries hit. I KNEW it was a show. BUT THE KICKER was that I did not know it they were CONVINCED I WAS DEAD - So I lied there STILL and WANTING to stop the bleeding, but KNEW IF I DID, I would be looking at a FACE TO FACE BULLET TO THE BRAIN. It was horrifying....! The weird part was that the part of the dream where I was forced to lie still playing opossum seemed like an eternity...! EVEN WORSE, I was anticipating this MONSTER CONTROLLING MY MORTALITY. And visualizing that he would look down at me quickly and WITH NO REGARD and put my lights out.
The FEAR of DEATH and the UNKNOWN was NOT THE ISSUE. The HORROR associated with the particular INTERACTION was what sucked. What was the bad part was being at the hands of a cold monster and nothing I could do. The icing being that he did not give a shit one way or the other to EXIT me...
Turns out, I then awoke to find a pillow twisting the SHIT out of my neck in my daughter's bed, as I had slept there that night - it not having the best support.... LOL ...
AND NO- I never got to experience the feeling of the final shot. The anxiety and the WAIT to see if he was going to put "a final couple" in me to be sure WAS THE HORRIBLE PART...!